One minute Cubs

Speculative nonsense

2011-12-01T11:14:00.000-08:00

Holy crap! It's an OMC blog post!http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

Just in case you were wondering why trade rumors in the off season are so hard to follow, I bring you the following duet of conflicting rumors about our brand spankin' new front office -

opposing gms think #cubs will trade garza. makes sense. rebuilding situation. aggressive front office.

Souce

Sources: Cubs pursuing Pujols, Fielder

Source

Of course, only one of these can be true - the Cubs are either going all-in with a 200 million dollar investment in the next 4-5 years, or they're rebuilding and dumping arguably the best starter on their staff in exchange for prospects. It simply does not make sense for both rumors to be true. There's no point in putting Albert Pujols of Prince Fielder and most importantly the salaries they'll command on a rebuilding project.

Of course, the hiring of Dale Sveum makes me think Garza is history and Fielder is a pipe dream, but what do I know? All I know is I'm disappointed I no longer know where the Cubs GM lives...

It's over...

2011-09-29T06:10:00.000-07:00

Not the blog, although I suppose that is debatable. Many things have gotten in the way here - a crappy Cubs team not really worth writing about, a second child for me, and a new-found love of mobile technology, which is not as crappy as the Cubs this year.

I watched/listened to/followed most every game this year. I even made it to a few games this year, some on my own dime, some not. For the first time in a LONG time, I found myself saying, "oh yeah, there was a game today" and tuning in in the 8th inning. So now we get to move on and see who gets hired as GM, who replaces Quade as manager, because well, he's an idiot.

Next year will be the year we find out if the kids can play. Or we'll get Albert Pujols. Ya know, whatevs. Should be an interesting off season. Thanks for playing!

Nothing to see here. Move along.

2011-07-09T04:38:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I haven't updated this blog in, well, forever. But you see, here's the deal. The Cubs are sh*t. Just a disaster. And there are really only so many ways you can say it. So, until the Cubs are slightly less crappy and pathetic, there won't be much going on here. But hey, that's what RSS feeds are for!

In the meantime, Starlin Castro, the boy wonder, is heading to the All Star Game. So that's awesome. And since Jose Reyes is too shy again to play, Starlin might start. It'll be nice to see if the NL can repeat. I'll be tuned in.

Fukudome is still actually producing - contract year.
Barney has been a nice surprise.
Pena is still stupidly overpaid for an underachieving team.
Ramirez has woken up, a little earlier than we're used to.
Soriano hasn't completely sucked this year.
Byrd is not as good as last year, but still not bad when he hits with a bat and not his face.

The pitching....sucks.

And there you have it!

So What's With the Ex's? Exes? What's the plural of Ex @BruceMiles2112?

2011-04-11T17:31:00.000-07:00

Bruce Miles, of the Daily Herald and I are having a little tiff. It's ok. Mommy and Daddy still love you. And to be 100% accurate, I'm tiffing, he probably doesn't give a rat's patoot. So, anyway, this all started with this tweet -

Ex #Cubs Casey McGehee hits 2 R HR off Kerry Wood in the 8th to put Brewers up 6-5

Ok, so I looked it up. Casey McGehee played EXACTLY 9 games for the Cubs in 2008. He posted a line of .167/.160/.208/.368. Yes you read that right. McGehee also plays third base, a position that was pretty darn occupied at the time (You might've heard of the guy we have there). McGehee was a Rule 5 acquisition for the Boo-hoo Crew before the 2009 season. My point is, as I tweeted once -

Can we please stop saying "Casey McGehee's former team"? It's more Felix Pie's former team than McGehee's.

So basically, @BruceMiles2112 is just trying to start some shit. "We had this guy and gave him away," type shit.

Which prompted this tweet yesterday -

@BruceMiles2112 If you're going to insist on calling him "ex-Cubs McGehee", I'm going to call you "Ex-bed-wetter Bruce Miles".

Facts are facts. McGehee was indeed once a Cub, but I'm willing to bet, once upon a time, a teeny weenie Bruce Miles was asleep, cuddling his little spiral notebook, and let fly. We all have. Not a big secret.

So then I wake up this morning and see this -

@oneminutecubs Have at it, then.

Good enough. A little friendly, friendly jabbing. but no, I found, I was blocked. Now, for those of you not familiar, Blocking in twitter is really no big deal. You can still click a person's name and see their feed, and you can still mention them (do the @name thing), so OMC - fire away -

Dear Ex Bed-wetter @BruceMiles2112, I can still read your feed and I can still mention you.

@BruceMiles2112 Blocking me only proves that you have thinner skin than Milton Bradley's mom. Love, OMC #IllTakeUselessGesturesFor100Alex

So, I guess it's on, and frankly kinda stupid if you ask me. I really wouldn't have kept up with the whole Ex Bed wetter thing more than a couple of days, but I was blocked. That, my friends, is a sort of acknowledgment for me. I wouldn't think he'd give a crap, but apparently he does, so good for me. I'll probably keep giving him shit until he unblocks me.

I sure hope Ex Pirate Ramirez, Ex Ray Pena and Ex Ex Ranger, Ex National, Ex Yankee Soriano can power this offense, right @BruceMiles2112?

The part that irks me is he's probably one of the best beat writers for the Cubs. But hey, I'll keep reading his stuff. I just hope he someday realizes that I give people shit. It's just what I do.

Get used to it...

2011-04-07T06:12:00.001-07:00

Get used to Castro making errors...

Get used to the Cubs playing .500 baseball against two crappy teams...

Get used to Carlos Marmol Blown Saves...

Get used to pitchers going on the DL...

Get used to capacity crowds of over 26,000 people...

What you're looking at here is a whole lotta 2011. So get used to it folks. Maybe it'll grow on ya. I sure hope it does.

This first week of baseball provided a good look at what the rest of the season will probably bring. Errors, and slick plays - by the same guy. Home runs and long fly outs. Losing late and winning late. .500 baseball. And I loved every minute of it.

Zero Expectations.
Zero Disappointment.

2011 Headlines

2011-03-03T06:12:00.000-08:00

That's right kids, it's that time of year again when we break out the headlines and unspin them for you -

Headline: Things get heated as Cubs try to polish fielding - And by "polish fielding", we mean "not suck"

Pack Your Bags, Kids - There's No More Room For Us Here

2011-02-12T05:42:00.001-08:00

According to Joe Cowley that is. You don't know who that is? Not surprising, he's the beat writer for the second baseball team in Chicago. But according to him, the White Sox are not the second team any more. No according to him, this is a Sox town now. ORLY? Yes a Sox town. Here's his proof -

1. The Sox were on Survivor.
2. The Cubs sell more tickets than the Sox.
3. The Sox MIGHT do okay this year with basically the same team, only no closer.

Wait what?

Yes.

Really?

According to Joe.

No Shit?

No shit.

Is Albert Worth It?

2011-02-11T09:04:00.000-08:00

So here's a question Cubs fans - Is Albert worth it? Albert Pujlos is reportedly going to test the free agent market after this season, since his deadline for extension negotiations doesn't seem likely. If he hit's the open market, several journalists on a local and national level have targeted the Cubs as potential suitors - and they're not wrong.

With Fukudome and Ramirez money coming off the books following 2011, the Cubs could potentially pay Pujols what he wants - reportedly 30 mil per year for 10 years - and not add too much onto current payroll. But do we want to?

Albert Pujols will be 32 years old next year, arguably by most measures "about to leave his prime". A 10 year contract will make him a 42 year old earning 30 million dollars, undoubtedly with a no trade clause. If Jim Hendry negotiates the deal, he might be making more on a back loaded contract. So is a 42 year old worth $30 million.

I would argue that Pujols at 75-80 percent is better than a lot of guys at 100. There's a lot to take in here, so I'll just start the ball rolling with this post. Feel free to comment, chime in. This will not be the last post about this - I guarantee it. Unless of course he signs and extension. In which case never mind.

Cubs Convention Induced Optimistic Post Of The Year

2011-01-14T06:03:00.000-08:00

So, the Cubs are going to be crap this year. We all know it despite what wonders Garza will do for our rotation. As Lou preached for 4 years - "If you can't score runs, you can't win."

But wait.

Fukudome is going to be introduced to the fine American tradition known as "the contract year" and he's going to be raking all year long, trying to finally justify earning half the money he's made.

Byrd, Pena, Soriano and A-Ram will power this offense fueled by the hard pounding Castro and the slap hitting and plucky DeWitt into a formidable force. Soto will provide his usual combination of light power and solid consistency to round out this font of offense. Here's the lineup-

Fuke, Castro, Byrd, A-Ram, Pena, Sori, Soto, DeWitt, Pitcher

And SPEAKING of pitching. O. M. G.

Zambrano's anger management will morph into knitting and Parcheesi and he'll turn in a 22 win season because of it. Garza will feast on the crap that is NL Hitting and come in second in Cy Young contention. Dempster will break his arm celebrating an almost win (foiled by an inconceivable double play) but he will STILL turn in 30 solid starts (it was his left arm after all) and win a Gold Cast award - the first of it's kind.

Wells and Gorzelanny will both continue to mature and fill out the back end of the rotation, with Silva having been traded to the Cardinals and Yankees for Puljos, Jeter, and a PTBNL (They'll both be assigned to Iowa, so they can routinely bitch-slap the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs.)

The bullpen, with the 7th, 8th, and 9th being in the capable hands of Marshall, Woody, and Marmol will surely get the blood pumping, but all will fall in defeat to the 3 Kings of K's.

In the end, the Cubs will coast through the playoffs and into their first World Series in a dozen Presidents and win it in 5, having lost game 2 to Carlo Silva's left butt cheek in a 1-0 thriller.

Can I get just one more WTF?

2011-01-08T10:56:00.000-08:00

Cubs trade 5 prospects for Matt Garza.

WTF? Ok, don't get me wrong, I don't hate this trade, like so many vocal others. I'll explain why in a bit, but this DOES seemingly run contrary to any reason expectation for 2011, which is total loss. To say otherwise is foolish. So, trading away 5 prospects for a solid starting pitcher seems foolhardy. Garza joins the ranks of Zambrano, Dempster, Wells, Cashner, and a gaggle of other good-very good pitchers in a rotation that's lacking a sense of elbow room. Which heads will fall next?

Having said that, I don't hate this trade for two reasons -

1. Garza coming to the NL, and especially the NL Central can be a force to be reckoned with a 15-10 record in the AL East is pretty hefty and nothing to shake a stick at. When Dempster and Zambrano depart, Garza could be 1/3 of a solid rotation with Wells and a PTBNL.

2. When you look at who we traded away -
Sam Fuld - going nowhere, but plucky.
Chris Archer - as naysayers have touted often and loudly, the Cubs have plenty of pitching. The Cubs would probably just F*ck him up anyway.
Brandon Guyer - Utility outfielder a.k.a. Tyler Colvin beta.
Robinson Chirinos - Power hitting catcher a.k.a. Geo Soto beta
Hak-Ju Lee - Sweet hitting and fielding shortstop a.k.a. Starlin Castro beta.

So we basically gave away 3 guys we already had and one guy who will be in several years the guy we just got. So what did we lose? 4 years of downtime waiting for Archer to cook all the way through - if he ever does.

Take a proven commodity over one who may or may not pan out. He won't be the savior of 2011, but he may do some good things in 12 or 13. Meantime, we can let the other guys go eat at the kids table.

WTF? Rated R because cansoring just wouldn't do it justice.

2010-12-30T06:23:00.001-08:00

As I tweeted earlier in the year, this is shaping up to be one of the what-the-fuckiest off-seasons I can remember. So, with the closing of this year, and happy birthday to me, I wanted to reflect on what we've seen thus far.

White Sox sign Adam Dunn - WTF?? Having already passed on Jim Thome last year because they wanted more speed, the White Sox finally realized what a colossal clustershpeep that was and attempted to make up for it by signing the beta version of Thome, a.k.a. Adam "Big Dumb animal" Dunn. Don't get me wrong. Dunn will have a monster season or three in the Cell, and he'll make a lot of folks wonder why people even remember the name "Thome", but it is a complete 180 from the 180 the White Sox pulled last year. If I were a White Sox fan, I'd be pretty confused right now. But then I'd also be fucking my cousin, so I guess win-win.

Cardinals sign Lance Berkman. WTF? Don't they already have a first baseman? Well, yeah. They kinda do. But Lance wasn't signed to be a first baseman. WTF? Yes. He was signed to be a left fielder. He couldn't stay healthy as a statue at first base, so let's have him run around and throw farther than 40 feet. WTF? Don't they already have a left fielder? You bet your bippy they do. You might remember him. Soriano money got what-we-wish-Soriano-still-had power? Soriano defense too. They're moving him to right. No shit.

Jayson Werth signs with Nationals for 7 years and 62 bajillion dollars - Government spending at its best. At least when Soriano signed, the Cubs had a shot. At least when Holliday signed, the Cardinals had a shot. All the Gnats have is Mark Prior junior and a prospect who can hit the hell out of high school pitching. When even Congress calls your deal a "waste of money" you know you fucked up. I can't imagine another team anywhere in the world looking at that contract and telling themselves "Yeah, that's about right." But the fact that a useless team is now saddled with an immovable albatross of a contract, well hey. Cubs fans can sympathize. Good fukken luck, to both the Gnats and apparently-not-Werthless. You deserve each other.

Hey, OMC - this is a CUBS blog right? Oh yes. I have not forgotten....

The Cubs sign Carlos Pena for tenfuckingmilliondollars - don't get me wrong. I can't deny the drawing power a .196 hitter commands, but this is a farce. I'm still waiting for the cameras to pop out. 10 million dollars? Look, I'm not saying Pena won't be decent, but at least we could pay The Hoff the league minimum and get, what 10 less home runs? 5th place instead of 4th? Why are the Cubs wasting 10 million dollars on a lost season? Keep your heads down. Weather the storm for one more year of big money-small results players and reset when the payroll resets.

Or add another Carlos. What the hell?

Kerry is a Koming Home.

2010-12-17T04:54:00.001-08:00

In honor of Kid K...

Kerry Wood is koming home. Despite reports I've heard to the kontrary, Jim Hendry simply did not want Kerry Wood bakk in the bullpen 3 years ago. Didn't matter that Wood would've played for a happy meal-a-day. Hendry said he didn't have the money, Kerry said, "That's kool. Give me what you kan," and Jimmy said, "No seriously. Get out."

Further kementing this belief is the fakt that Woody is onke again wearing blue pinstripes, after turning down a sekond year and 2 million extra dollars from the White Sox.

I for one am happy to see Kid K kome bakk. I don't think he'll make or break this team - it's already broken. But it's good to see the lokal boy kome bakk to a home he klearly didn't really want to leave in the first plake. Welkome bakk Kerry. We sukk now, but at least you're kinda used to that from Kleveland.

Carlospalooza

2010-12-09T06:05:00.000-08:00

Good thing we put last names on the uniforms. So the latest Cub to join the cavalcade of CArlos is Carlos Pena, your new first baseman. Oh sure. a lot of people are going to look at his .196 average and...well that's really as far as you need to look. Yes he is a power guy, and yes he can probably hit 30-35 hrs this summer. but if that's all he hits, well lets just say your vacation plans for October won't be including any tickets. Which isn't to sayt the Cubs had a snowball's chance in hell to begin with, but it's all good.

Far more interesting is the prospect of a potential Matt Garza trade. Garza's got some pretty numbers on his side, but of course it would depend heavily on what the package would include.

Slightly less interesting is the Brandon Webb possibility. Say it with me Jimmy - incentive- heavy.

All told, this is shaping up to be the what-the-fuckiest offseason in recent memory. But we'll talk more about that later.

Rest in Peace Ron...

2010-12-03T04:56:00.000-08:00

Today is indeed a dark day for Cubs Nation. Say what you want about Ron Santo - and Lord knows, I've said things - if there wasw one man who represented the heart of this team, it was Ron Santo. For those of you just now hearing the news, Ron Santo passed away last night at the age of 70. I actually heard about it a while before everyone else did. I got a text, from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend that you've been messing around.

I openly criticized Ron, at every opportunity, on his broadcasting abilities. But at the end of the day, he was almost universally loved by anyone who donned a Cubs hat or jersey - professionally or otherwise. The man laid everything out there to be seen/heard and made no apologies. I didn't enjoy that style, but many, many, many of you did, so who am I to argue. What I do know is that Cubdom has lost an icon and a legend, and is a little sadder for it - which is pretty darn sad after 102 years. So no jokes here Ronny. I owe you that much. Just gonna tip my cap to you and click my heels together and know they you're in that Big World Series in the sky.

Cheers Ron. Put in a good word to the Big Guy for us.

So Long Larry...

2010-11-20T10:13:00.002-08:00

Larry Rothchild announced yesterday that he was leaving the Cubs to go be pitching coach for the guy who should be the manager of the Cubs right now, Joe Girardi. Thus, the latest rats jumps ship. Can't really blame him though. He'll be able to spend 6 extra days with his family - the most craptastic excuse he mentioned yesterday. Bottom line, like Lou, he's realized this team is going nowhere fast so he's jumping ship to the Yank-my-Crotches.

I have had a colored history with Larry. I hated him when every Cubs pitcher on the roster was on Medicare in the early 2000's, but since then, pitching has been one of the Cubs' strengths - you know, as long as you don't count the bullpen - so maybe he wasn't doing that bad a job.

Like just about any coach, he's entirely replaceable. I find it interesting that Musky the Cub didn't list Greg Maddux as a potential replacement. It's very possbile he simply doesn't want the job, but I'd kick a sack full of puppies if it'd get him to try.

Ryno's hissy fit

2010-11-04T06:19:00.000-07:00

Ryno made it official recently. If the Cubs can't see how awesome he is, and if they don't think 4 long hard arduous years in the minor makes him ready to manged Superstars, well they can just go bugger off.

I suspected after initially getting passed over that Ryno was outti15000, but I suspected that after he looked around and saw the barren wasteland that was his managerial opportunities, he might realize that 4 years ain't "paying your dues". It's barely a down payment of paying your dues.

Obviously, Mike Quade has more experience managing in both the minors and in the majors. But is he a fukken
Hall of Famer? I think not.

So in the words of what Lou Piniella would say:

"Look, ahh, son. I understand that you might think people don't like you, but ahhh, it's not that at all. It's just that you need to get some time under your belt and ahhh get out there and play the...er, I mean manage the damn game, dude,"

Dusty? Where did you come from?

I am Jack's compete lack of surprise

2010-10-19T11:42:00.000-07:00

WQow. Who could've seen this coming? Mike Quade is the new Cubs manager. I'm stifling yawns as we speak. Just goes to show ya Cubs fans - Buckle in. It's going to be a looooong couple of years. The good thing is, management seems to realize this and realize that things are bad now and they're going to have to suck a lot to get better.

Quade's a place holder for a couple of years for when this team might potentially not suck. Whether he's keeping the seat warm for Girardi, Sandberg or some other manager remains to be seen. The philosophy here is "This team is going to be full of kids, who will probably suck, so let's plug in a guy who can help these kids not suck a little and someone we can fire without drawing the ire of the idiots, er I mean fans"

Ladies and gentlemen,

Mike Quade

Fanfare!

For whom the bell rings....

2010-10-13T08:54:00.000-07:00

So if you're like me, you've probably forgotten that there's baseball going on right now. Yes, there is. Sorta. Nobody I give a rat's butt about is playing, so I could care less, but then we'd be talking about soccer. So I heard something like this on the radio once, and I've been kicking around this random thought for a while now and I thought I'd share it with you both, er, I mean all.

A Ringer Draft.

It is exactly what it sounds like - A Ringer Draft. Each postseason, after the final game has been played, each team in the post season gets to "Draft" one player from a non-contending team to join their team as part of the roster. This can be any player - position or pitcher to be used as seen fit. There are a few rules:

1. Teams choose from best record to worst - Wild Card teams pick last. The best teams get the best players, period.
2. The team selecting the player pays that player's salary, including any missed time that may come from an injury. If Albert Pujols goes down with a torn ACL, the Yankees pay for his DL time too.
3. Drafting a ringer is optional, because...
4. The "Ringer" replaces one man on the 25 man roster. Someone's getting left out.
5. The Ringer, and the Ringer's team must both consent to the draft.
6. A portion of postseason revenues goes to the team who is lending out said player.

There are obviously more rules and regs that would follow, but it might make things a touch more interesting for fans of teams the ringers come from. I know I'd pay at elast a little attention of Marmol went to the Rangers or something similar. and I know what you're all thinking - What a STUPID idea. I mean what if one of your players got hurt while playing in a game that meant nothing to their team? It's not like this is the All-Star game or anything...

Offseason Moves - First Base

2010-10-07T10:36:00.000-07:00

There are far, far too many options to lay out a best case/worst case scenario here, so let's just dive into it.

First off, I wouldn't at all mind seeing what Xavier Nady can do with a full season at first base and an off season separated from shoulder surgery. Second, the only reason I would hate to see Adam Dunn playing there is because I would then have to root for him, and no longer call him a "big dumb animal". Third, Paul Konerko playing really well in a contract year is no surprise. Not ready to throw him a treasure chest just yet.

There are a lot of options available for first base this year. You will hear a lot of clamoring for Adam Dunn, whom fans either love or hate with nothing in between. Some will argue a pigeon will catch as many balls at first base as Dunn will, others will argue that while that may be so, the pigeon will not be able to fly farther then the balls leaving Dunn's bat day. after day after day. Dunn will also want a pile of money for a team that will be knocking at the door of fourth place next year - no thank you.

I would like to see Xavier Nady sign another similar contract to this years' $3.3ish and if so, then 1.5 good years of Nady for 7 million will be the best FA signing of Jim Hendry's career.

If Paul Konerko wants to be a veteran presence for a discounted price then he would be a find. If he wants to ask more than 10mil per for more than 3 years, he'll be joining his old buddy Jermaine of the gold course.

Given a choice between PK and Dunn for 10 mil, I'd have a tough time deciding, but I'd have to go with Dunn. Yikes.

All this is moot since we'll probably end up with Lyle Overbay for 16 years/227 million, but hey. That's Jimmy!

Off season moves - The Manager

2010-10-04T20:52:00.000-07:00

Best case scenario - Joe Girardi
Worst Case Scenario - Ryne Sandberg
What'll probably happen - Mike Quade

Yes, I said it. Sandberg is the worst-case scenario, but maybe not for the reason you think. Here's the deal. Sandberg is universally loved throughout Cubdumb and managers, especially managers hired during rebuilding years, are hired to be fired. Ryno hasn't proven himself a winner in AAA yet, let alone at the big-boy table. He hasn't even coached in the show yet, and 90% of the idiots out there are ready to hand him the keys to the castle.

Joe Girardi has proven that he can win with kids - Marlins, and with seasoned professionals - New York, is a media powder keg with a merciless owner. He also is a local boy with Cubbie ties and is close enough to please the unwashed masses with his Cubbie charm. He is also not an idiot and knows that the Cubs will not contend next year, or probably the year after. Therefore leaving the Yankees and going to the Cubs would be like hopping off a cruise liner to go sailing in a dinghy - with holes in it.

Therefore, we will likely end up with Quade, who despite his ridiculous insistence on letting Bobby Scales get dressed, seems to have a handle on this team - in September. But honestly, the teams they've faced - the Cardinals, Giants, Padres - have all been serious cookies, and the Cubs have handled themselves decently - not great, and not really good either, but decently.

Should be an interesting off season -

Next up, first base.

Shish-KaColvin-Bob

2010-09-19T18:51:00.000-07:00

So Bud,

The good news is we proved Tyler Colvin is not a vampire. The bad news is, we had to drive a maple stake into his chest to prove it. So my question, Buddy boy, is how many more players, coaches, fans and umpires will have to be skewered before we put a ban on these ridiculous injury machines?

Maybe a lawsuit or two?

Players, broadcasters, managers have all come forward to publicly condemn maple bats for their tendency to not shatter into a million pieces. Rather, they tend to shatter into just a few large sharpened stakes that fly in seemingly random directions.

Today's incident - yeah, we'll call it an "incident" - is just the latest in a long line of incidents in which people have been seriously injured by these things and they need to go.

Reflections on seasons lost...

2010-09-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

Things we know
- Lou Piniella was not the answer
- Mike Quade isn't either
- The Cubs aren't as bad as we thought they were this year, but they're also not as good as we hoped.

Things we suspect
- Ryne Sandberg will be the Cubs manager next year
- The Cubs will still suck, even after 3 or 4 good moves.
- Jim Hendry should start typing his resume next August

The Cubs managed to fall flat once again this year - Lee and Ramirez never had their usual May turn around. And the rest of the roster amazingly failed to match their career years in 2008. Soriano managed to play a full season without leading off once, however arguably, the Theriot/Fukudome/Baker/DeWitt combo didn't do a whole lot better - just less home runs. Soto managed to put together a decent year, along with Sori and Ramirez is starting to make us all feel a bit better about him returning. Byrd is the freakin' word this year, so we hope he'll continue as such next year.

Wait...the year's not over? Well shoot. Ok.

It's over...

2010-09-15T06:32:00.000-07:00

The White Sox losing to the Twins last night pretty much put the final nail in their coffin for this season. I'll admit, this season, I wanted the Sox to fail more than ever before. Maybe it was because they were supposed to suck like the Cubs. But more than anything, I wanted them to fail just to shut their fans up. Sue me.

Since the loss last night, I really now officially have nothing to cheer for the rest of this dismal god-awful season. Sure I can perk up when Colvin or Castro come to the plate. I'd sure love to see Castro finish the season higher than Joey Votto in the batting title race, but it doesn't matter. What does matter is developing the kids and putting together a good off-season.

A few thoughts on the off season. Jabba the Hendry's got a tough job ahead of him. He has to put together a decent team that can contend for 3rd place, and not sell the future on a loser next year. Anyone who is deluded enough to think that next year will be it, I've got news for you... The Cubs will have one more shot at a World Series before the world ends in December of 2012, and it will be in 2012. and it's a slim shot at best.

We'll talk more about off season moves/manager searching later. For now, just strap in and try to ride out the next couple of weeks. It's ok. It'll all be over soon.

Why should we care?

2010-09-02T11:12:00.000-07:00

So the Cubs are pushing hard for a strong fifth place finish, and it makes me wonder - Why? Why do we still care? Well, if attendance is anything to look at - we don't. Attendance numbers being based on tickets sold being a ridiculous barometer, you can look at the M-T bleachers and see where the passion for this team is. It's in the bars, watching Bears preseason games. Because as bad as they are, the Bears are slightly better than the Cubs. Maybe.

But anyway. Why should we bother watching the rest of these pointless games? I'm going to lay out a few reasons for you. Some good, some bad.

Castro, Colvin, Cashner, Barney, Hoffpaiur, Berg, Russel, DeWitt, Marmol.

There's your future folks. If you're curious as to how many games you should buy tickets for next year, there's your answer. Have fun. It's almost over.

Fare thee well Lou, The "Screw you Trammel" Edition

2010-08-22T12:10:00.000-07:00

Thanks to @TheCubsInHaiku for the picture:

Photoshop courtesy of me.

Fare thee well Lou

2010-08-22T09:21:00.001-07:00

So Lou Piniella is retiring after today's loss to the Altanta Braves. Ok, so they haven't played yet, but it's a safe assumption. Ohh, and since my last post the Cubs also traded some guy who used to play first...

But now Lou is retiring today, citing mom's health and his own I-don't-give-a-shittedness. Don't get me wrong, I liked Lou Piniella's tenure overall. He was handed two crappy teams backto back and told "Go. Win." What drove me nuts the most was his "I don't know what else to do" and "I've done everything" excuses. First, it was his job to know what to do, and second you didn't do everything (Lee/ARam 3/4 combo du jour). But all that aside, he did find some flexibility in "letting the kids play" and for the most part, made some decent moves, suicide squeezes, sending MArshall to left, etc. so I can't complain too much. He's the best manager we've had in recent memory, I'll give him that.

So go home Lou and take care of your mom. Quade will be the manager and Trammel will be written off - though what he did to piss Jim Hendry off, I'm not sure. But that's a who;e other conversation.

PS, I'm saving my farewell to Lee psot until after he leaves town, but this kinda trumped that.

Decisions, Decisions....

2010-08-14T12:17:00.000-07:00

So a bit of a debate has sprung up amongst my peers about the search for the next Cubs manager. Some advocate going after Joe Girardi, or Ryne Sandberg since both would have the unencumbered opportunity to slide into Lou's chair at the end of the season, and both would certainly be fan favorites.

And yet, there are some who would advocate a lesser move for a Bobby Valentine, Bob Brenly, or other "place holder" until such time as the cubs stop sucking toes - whic they will not do next season (the stoppign I mean). On the one hand, we all get to smile about our buddy Joe or Ryne, while suffering through 2-3 years of futility plugging holes with not-quite-ready prospects until we can trim some fat off the payrol and sign some decent names (undoubtedly w/ no-trade clause). On the other hand wouldn't we want our "Buddies" to, you know, actually succeed during their tenure here?

Sure we wold, but what's to say that our "buddies" will be available 3-4 years down the line when we're ready to put them on their pedestals? Nadda. So I guess get while the gettin' is good?

I'm not sure, but I hope Ryne or Joe or Bob, or whoever owns stock in Excedrin...

Hey OMC, where ya been?

2010-08-13T05:47:00.000-07:00

Well, loyal reader, a couple of things have contributed to my lack of content.

A. The Cubs suck - to be honest, how many different way do I need to say it. This team has become so irrelevant, it's been frankly hard to write about. Kudos to Carrie Muskat (Muskie the Cub), Gordon Whittenmeyer (Gordo), Paul Sullivan (Sully, known to other bloggers as "I hate you"), and Bruce Levine (Haven't come up with a nickname for him yet) fro writing about the crappy team, day after day.

B. Life has gotten in the way - work, family health, and all manner of What the Fuck-edness has been just ripping my life to shreds and sucking down my free time like Tony LaRussa on a bender.

C. Tacos. They're yummy. And kinda irrelevant to this conversation.

So there you have it. I'll write, but in the meantime, you can follow me of twitter:
http://www.twitter.com/oneminutecubs or if you're geekily inclined my official Palm fanboy/Geenral technology twitter account:
http://www.twitter.com/DeadTechnology

Meantime, just take a valium and a few muscle relaxants, and try to muscle through this crappy season with your head attached.

The 2010 Season in Dramtic form

2010-08-03T20:09:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me that this Cubs season has been very much like this intro to the Naked Gun 33 1/3. Just one disaster after another. So I attempted to kinda put it all together. Feel free to comment/criticize. I can take it. Besides I freakin' rule, so there...

So long Ted. And thanks for all the fish.

2010-07-31T11:45:00.000-07:00

So Ted Lilly and Ryan Theriot are off to the land of swimming pools and movie stars. In return we get....wait for it....a middle infielder. Oh for the love of crap. And an underachieving middle infielder, only his name's not Theriot.

Still, Blake DeWitt could be interesting. By all accounts he has a decent swing, just not the ability to actually make contact. Maybe Rudy can help out? God willing. Baker turned out to not suck too bad last year. To be perfectly honest, DeWitt will be hard rpessed to be worse than Shitty-ot.

This isn't quite Hundley for Karros/Grudz, but I'll take it. So long Ted. It's been fun watching you. I'll hate to hate you, but I already do you f*cking Dodger. Theriot - don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Actually, scratch that. Let it hit you. Hard. Preferably to left field.

We might suck today, but...

2010-07-31T06:16:00.000-07:00

So, after last night's "What the hell just happened" moment (which I fortunately slept through) in which we learned that nothing good happens when you bring in Sean Marshall any more often than is necessary (because his arm is going to fall off), I decided to throw out there two fun facts that I've picked up listening to Pat and, reluctantly Ron, over the last couple of years. Neither of these is verified with anything that any reasonable person would call a "source" because frnakly, I'm not sure where to goto verify these, but for what it's worth, here you go -

The Cubs have the longest active streak of years without being no hit since Sandy Koufax's perfect game on 9/9/65 (45 years, this September). The longest streak of years w/o being no hit is held by the Phillies at 57 years.

The Cubs won their very first two games ever, and have not been under .500 ever since. They are the only team to be able to claim that. They are currently 10211-9658 (.514).

So there ya go Cubs fans. Feel free to toss that in Sox fans or Cardinals fans' faces. Just be sure to walk away before they mention 2005 or 2006.

This is why I cannot be a GM

2010-07-29T07:32:00.000-07:00

So the economics of baseball confuse me. Two teams have arguably left the "Contender" building this year - The Cubs and the Astros. So what do we do? We dump. get rid of whatever we have to rebuild. Save some bucks. But then I see these tweets -

@mlbtraderumors: RT @Ken_Rosenthal: Source: Deal is 3-for-1. Happ in. Astros would pay "very significant" part of Oswalt's remaining salary.

and

@mlbtraderumors: Stark: Cubs willing to take on some of Lilly's remaining $4.43MM.

to which I responded with:

@oneminutecubs: Why the hell would we do that? RT @mlbtraderumors: Stark: Cubs willing to take on some of Lilly's remaining $4.43MM.

I got one response:

@harrypav: @oneminutecubs to upgrade the prospects that come back #orsoihope

Ok, I kinda get that. If you can't draft 'em, buy 'em. But still this to me seems stupid. The Ricketts have made no secret of the fact that payroll is staying the same or going down next year. And until Tyler Colvin, Rookie of the Year, Starlin Castro, or Geo Soto show up, they're still just prospects. You know who else were prospects? Felix Pie, Corey Patterson, Eric Patterson, Bobby Hill, blah blah blah blah. They're just prospects. Maybe they'll pan out, but in the meantime, it just seems like teams on the sellers list are accepting of the fact that they're going to get screwed like a Vegas weekend and pay for the privilege.

Butt what do I know?

Sweet Lou going ni-ni.

2010-07-21T11:23:00.000-07:00

So I guess I'm a Cubs blogger, so I better write aobut this. It's just that. I just don't care. Talk about records and legends and yadda yadda, he's just another guy that didn't get the job done. Was it his fault? Not entirely, but I won't say his hands were completely tied either. I'm not going to spend this post going over his mistakes (left handed bat), just like I won't go over his career accomplishments (1990), just like I won't speculate who is next in line (Girardi). What I will say is, Lou was entertaining at times, frustrating at others, and pretty much was as ineffecive a manager as you can get.

Did Lou win back-to-back pennants? Sure. But the 140+ million dollar payroll helped too. Soto having a ROY season, Soriano not being hurt, and Lee having a career year helped too. So, whatever. Happy retirement Lou. I won't miss you. I won't cry over your departure. I probably will cry if they hire Ryne Sandberg in your stead, but that's another story...

Could it happen?

2010-07-16T13:30:00.001-07:00

Many Cubs fans look to our southside neighbors and their ridiculous record of 26-5 over their last 31 games as inspiration that our guys can do it too. Well, let's take a look. Bear in mind, I'm not TOO familiar with the Sox so much.

Starting rotation
With a solid rotation on both sides of town including a reliable lefty (Lilly/Buehrle), a very good, but not quite Ace (Danks/Dempster), a retread exceeding expectations (Silva/Garcia), a FNG (Wells/Hudson) and well, another lefty (Gorzelanny/Floyd). Add in the other two would be aces - Zambrano and Peavy - both of which have an equal chance of being a starter for the respective teams again this year - and honestly the rotatinos are a push. Advantage none.

Infield
Lee beats Konerko in terms of defense, youth and speed/base running, however Konerko dominates with his bat. If Derrek can have a monster second half to make up for his average, watch out. - Advantage Konerko for now, but stay tuned.

Rookies - Beckham vs Castro - Beckham has been slow all year, but is picking it up recently. Castro is a hot shot with slick fielding, but not much power. He is, however, hitting the ball, so advantage Castro

Ramirez vs. Theriot. Umm..yeah. Advantage Ramirez.

Ramirez vs. Vizquel. Assuming Ramirez is back, and many indications say he is, advantage Ramirez.

Soto vs. Pierzynski - Depends - which Soto are we talking about? Both are adequate on defense, and when he's on Soto blows away AJ. But when he's off, not so much. Still going to go with Advantage Cubs.

Outfield
Soriano is on a hot stretch for another week or so, and Marlon Byrd has been a great bat all year, but Rios and Quentin far out power and speed them. Colvin and Pierre are meh compared to their outfield mates. Advantage White Sox.

Bench/Bullpen - With Bob Howry and Kosuke Fukudome (et al) going up against JJ Putz and Andruw Jones. No contest - Advantage White Sox, except when it comes to closer. Marmol rules.

So, what does this all mean? Do the Cubs have it in them to put together a run? If we were in Houston 7 years ago, I'd say sure. For now there's been no evidence that they can with any consistency. I think they'll play better in the second half, but the NL Central will come down to a 2 horse race, with the Cubs being the nag left behind.

Here we go - round 2.

2010-07-15T05:48:00.000-07:00

Prepare yourselves to get the crap beaten out of us again. Fortunately, the second half will be over sooner than the first half.

Marlon Byrd fukken Represented at the All Star Game. The Phrase "key walk" never really meant much to me until Byrd stepped to the plate on Tuesday. And the slick defensive play, gunning down Ortiz from right, well that was all sorts of yummy.

So now we have the Ted Lilly, Derrek Lee, Kosuke Fukudome, death watch. Their days wearing a Cubs uniform are numbered. Except probably Fukudone because nobody int he right mind would take him without (as Brian Hanley put it this morning) sending a Brinks truck along with him. If Jimmy can't swing anything for him by the deadline, then fine, cut him next May 1. He can slink back to Japan where apparently they're more forgiving.

I'd suggest for the rest of this year, we take the W off and just fly the White Flag after every game, win or lose.

Reflections on the First Half

2010-07-12T05:50:00.000-07:00

Things we know
- It's not gonna happen. Not in 2010 anyway
- Marlon Byrd has been a wonderful surprise, but he's not an All-Star
- Carlos Marmol is every bit the heart attack Kevin Gregg was, but with the bonus that we suspect he can get himself out of trouble as easily as he can get into it.

Things we suspect
- Predictions are bullsh*t
- Sure he Sox can make a run and get right back in the race. The Cubs can't
- This will be Lou Piniella's last year with the Cubs

So the first half of the season comes mercifully to a close. The team is a measly 11 games under .500. There have been some recent signs of life from the offense - Derrek Le not hitting into Double plays. Aramis hitting 4 hr in the last 6 games. But overall, getting 2-hit by the Vinny Pad pretty much sums up the first half of this season.

Two big cogs in the wheel of crappiness contributed to why Cubs are where they are:
A. Aramis and Derrek forgetting how to hit
B. Lou Piniella's staunch refusal to move them in the order to where they'll do less harm.

I'm all for patience and "letting them hit out of it" but when Derrek Lee didn't turn the corner at the end of May like he always does and Aramis didn't hit the piss out of the ball like he always does, it was time to move them down and put your best hitter (Byrd) and best power hitter (sigh...Soriano) at 3 and 4.

Would that move make this a .500 team? No. But at elast then you can honestly say you've done everything you can do.

Strap in Cubs fans, it's going to be a long 2 1/2 months, and an even longer century....

Reflections on My Vacation

2010-07-08T06:27:00.000-07:00

So I went on vacation this week, from last Friday until yesterday. Let's reflect on what we've learned:

Things we know:
- The Reds are a first-place team.
- The Cubs and Diamondbacks are not.
- The Cubs have become so irrelevant, I missed a game, and had no idea.
- Diamondbacks pitching sucks so bad, even the weak-hitting Cubs can average 8 runs per game. That's pretty fukken bad.

Things we suspect
- Maybe Aramis is starting to get it.
- The Cubs are still sellers.
- Ted Lilly is not long for this team
- Marlon Byrd is only an All-Star because he's sucked the least of all of them - and because Bud says everyone has to play.

The Cubs spent this last week crushing their fans hopes and then lifting them up again, undoubtedly so they can crush them again with a 34 game set in LA. While seeing Aramis Ramirez trot around the bases as opposed to back to the dugout was a nice change, we can't count on him to be "Back" until he does it for a few weeks, not jsut one series against the crappier-than-the-Cubs Diamondbacks. Time will tell, but this year's a wash. Carlos Silva, Ted Lilly, Ryan Theriot, Derrek Lee, Kosuke Fukudome - Don't forget to pack your toothbrush. And in some cases, the ridiculous wad of cash it'll take to move you.

Hockey Disclaimer

2010-07-01T17:36:00.000-07:00

This is a standard disclaimer which needs to be attached to any and all statements both written and oral that I may amke about hockey or the Blackhawks.

I know d*ck about hockey. I have a basic understanding of the rules and can describe what what icing is - kinda, and I watched most of the Blackhawks games last year. It is there that my hockey expertise ends. I can tell you why the Cubs have been scuffling to score runs, using terms like "RISP", "Ramirez", and "Suck" all with a deep understanding of the game and a tangible line of thinking. When it comes to hockey, I can tell you who shot a goal and that it went into the net. Beyond that, I got nothin' Sometimes, I don't even know it went in the net. So, what this all leads to is this -

Whenever I say anything about hockey, you have to mentally assume I'm attaching "or so I've heard" at the end, unless what I'm saying is so outrageously stupid it defies logic in which case you can assume it's my own.

Thank you.

My lineup, FWIW

2010-06-29T09:40:00.000-07:00

So, based on the performance of players today, and based loosely on past performance, here's the lineup I would trot out there -

Theriot - This isn't so much a choice as a lack of options. I would also tell him to never drive the ball again.

Lee - Lee used to be the best hitter on the team, and by all rights, by now he should've heated up by now. He hasn't. He has it within him to be more of a patient and situational hitter, so the two hole should be accomodating for that.

Byrd - Byrd has been the best hitter on this team hands down for the season. Your best hitter hits third. Period.

Soriano - Soriano is the best power bat we have, except for Colvin - he's next. Soriano has been far better than he was last year - he's not hurt, but still not your ideal #4 guy. I'm hesitant to insert Colvin into the 4 slot though, so for now Sori it is.

Colvin - All this dude does is hit. Part time, full time, Pinch hit, whatever, he's ready to perform. He's certainly done better then the Right field flop we were so excited about - how are those headband sales going anyhow?

Ramirez - He's sucked. Put him after Colvin where it'll be harder for him to screw things up. When you start hitting again, we'll talk.

Soto - Soto has not lived up to expectations. In 2008 he hit here because everyone else was so much better. Unfortuantely, that's still the case.

Castro - Castro lit up the league for his first month and since has started to come back to earth. As long as he is abel to maintain discipline with pitch selection, he will be fine as a #8 hitter. The only other real slot he could fill would be leadoff, but the Cubs have killed too many rookie players there...

So there it is. Feel free to rip away. Plenty to go around.

Reflections on Chicago, the no-seriously edition

2010-06-28T14:17:00.002-07:00

Things we know -
- Carlos Zambrano is a lunatic - This should be filed under "Things we already knew"
- Nothing he did on Friday was a surprise, or even all that new
- He's still the greatest pitcher that'll never be

Things we suspect -
- Jim Hendry is determined to set a record for most suspensions in one tenure
- He's already gotten the record for most crappy FA contracts in one tenure
- The Cubs are allowed to play exactly one good baseball game per week.

So the BP cup shall reside onthe South side of Chicago for at least a year and no one who doesn't have BP in the upper left hand corner of their paycheck gives a crap. actually Sox fans probably do so, let's just say no one who matters cares. The big story though was Zambrano, wo finally flipped his lid, and I have to say he probably lasted a month longer than most thought he would. On the plus side, this freak out did not involve Gatorade or instant messaging, so it's nothing that several hundred hours of therapy won't fix. Of course, he'll be getting that therapy in a different city thanks to Jimmy and Lou's knee-jerk overreaction.

My minute's up for now, but there's sooooo much more to discuss....

Reflections on Chicago

2010-06-28T14:17:00.001-07:00

F*ck the Sox.

What sucks more than suck?

2010-06-27T06:08:00.000-07:00

Besides the Cubs I mean. I've been trying to think of a word to accurately describe this team. "Sucks" just doesn't do it justice. Actually, if this team sucked, it'd be an improvement over what they're doing now.

"Bad" doesn't seem to fit the bill. There are many levels of bad, and this team passed through all of them on their elevator to the basement.

"Shit" or "shitty" would work, but as a rule, I generally try to avoid cursing in the written word. Spoken, I would make a drunken sailor blush, but there's a permanence about writing that I'm not comfortable expressing myself in that way. Besides, this team is too bad to qualify for shitty anyway.

"Blah" describes a lot of their play. Lollygaging, to use a Bull Durham term. That's just one dimension of how bad they are though. So that brings us to the current description of choice -

Pitiful. They're just so bad, so blah, so sucky and so shitty, that it's pathetic. THey are a pathetic excuse for a baseball team, and that's about it. I pity them. I pity the fact that an entire city is finally catching up with the rest of the nation and actually hating them. You suck so bad, you transcend words. You're just pitiful. Now get out there and win, you ridiculous, pitiful, fucktards.

So, ummmmmm, wha?

2010-06-26T06:11:00.000-07:00

I don't get it. I really don't. I heard it. I saw it. I don't get it.

What did Zambrano do to get a suspension? I heard it on the radio, and heard post game comments, so I was intrigued. I DVR'd the replay of the game last night. I watched it this morning and what I saw wasn't even close to the way I heard it described. From what it looked like, Zambrano stomped back into the dugout, yelling out loud at no one. Then, DLee looked like he shouted something and Zambrano came back and shouted back at him. At some point in there, he threw over a water cooler.

So, uhhhh, what's the problem? That's not even the worst thing he's done this (calendar) year. There's a certain Gatorade dispenser residing in a VA hospital right now that can attest to that. So, um, why the hell is he suspended? Sure he's sucked on the mound, but that's not unique to this season. Sure he was volatile and uncontrollable, but that's not new.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't agree with what he did. And, I don't know what he said to Lee. Maybe he said "C'mon you monkey funky! Get's get at it right here mammer jammer! You're daddy was a troll and your mother smelled of Elderberries!" in which case, ok, you send him home. Zambrano even came back out into the dugout and was ready to pitch the next inning. He sat not 6 feet away from Derrek Lee for several minutes. They didn't look mad at each other.

What it seems to boil down to is, Lou is sick of Z and wants him gone. Jimmy took the opportunity to suspend him to make him want to waive his no trade clause so Jimmy can pay 85% of his salary to go pitch for the Angels, or wherever. Zambrano is the new Stevie Eyre. Welcome to the Lou hates you Club. Last time Jim was forced to dump baggage of behalf of Lou, that baggage got a ring. Just sayin'.

Good night, Sweet Lou, well it's time to go....

2010-06-24T05:58:00.000-07:00

I'm kicking myself for not being able to find Lou's comments yesterday that money has to play. I heard it last night on the radio and can't find it in print. Gar. Moving on -

A caller to WSOX on Tuesday made the same argument to Dork and Dipsh*t that I've been making - Lou if you don't know what else to do, it's time to go away. Of course since they did not agree with the caller, Boers and Bernie proceeded to constantly ask "What do you want him to do?" "What do you want him to do that he hasn't already done?" And the caller rightly responded - "It doesn't matter what I want him to do." But he forgot to finish the thought.

Lou is the captain of a sinking ship. There's really nothing that can be done, except to inspire confidence that something will happen. We don't all want to sit around and wait for a freakin' priest to stand up and lead us to the bottom of the boat. We want you to have a plan. We want you to stand up in front of the microphone and say "We're going to be implementing new strategies to maximize....whatever."

When you go in front of millions of people and say "If we can't hit the ball, we're not going to win" then that sends a "you're not good enough" message to the team, and that is never a message you can send. Because then, you've given up and you're counting the days until tee time. My advice is to stop counting and just go f*cking play golf.

No, Lou. You haven't done Everything. Rated R.

2010-06-22T20:14:00.000-07:00

Recently, Lou was quotes saying "I've done everything I can do." Here's my answer to that -

You know what Lou? You haven't done everything you can do. You want to know what else you can do? Sit down players that make butt-fuck shithead errors like Sorry I Suck just did to kill a rally. With 0 outs, Dipshit made a break for home without first making sure the fly ball hit the fucking ground. And then he had the balls to go ask for his glove.

In my world, motherfucker's sitting his ass down. Kosuke can go in and not hit. It's that simple. By not punishing stupid ass dumbfuck shit like this, you're fucking condoning it. Have your players accept some fucking responsibility. You'll still lose the fucking game, but at least you'll have the respect of the fans for doing what should be fucking done.

Soriano had NO BUSINESS going back out on the field after that mother of all fuck ups.

Here we go again...

2010-06-19T15:04:00.000-07:00

Carrie Muskat and Paul Sullivan are both reporting Lou's quote: "We've done everything that I can humanly do to get this thing turned around. That's all I can do."

That's it folks. One of my biggest gripes last year was when Lou, at the beginning of May, started saying "I don't know what to do" "What else can I do?" yadda yadda. You are admitting your own uselessness. IF you're useless, get out of the way. Did wonders for the Rockies. Now, I'm not saying that firing Lou Piniella is the cure for this team. I'm not saying it's his fault. I'm not saying Jesus Sandburg has it in him to win win win. What I am saying is, even on a sinking ship, the masses need a leader to tell us which way to run before we die. There has to be hope. There has to be a solution and you better not rest until you freakin' find it! Or step aside and let the priest lead us to safety. I think I just took that Poseidon Adventure metaphor too far.

Maybe Jim Hendry just doesn't want to be the guy who fired Lou Piniella before he retires. All the more reason he should follow Lou out the door.

Reflections on Oakland

2010-06-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

Things we know:
- Baseball is a funny game that often makes you want to cry.
- If you commit 2 errors in the same inning - twice - nothing good is going to come from that.

Things we suspect:
- Things have gotten interesting on the North side.
- DLee may have gotten pissed off enough to start hitting.

We're going to be optimistic here, so lets pretend the first game didn't happen. These past two games had an interesting look to them. On Wednesday, the Cubs won in convincing fashion, overcoming an early deficit and tacking on runs throughout the game. On Thursday, the Cubs got a home run in the first, lost the lead, and tied it late, with a walkoff hit in the 9th. The interesting look they had to them was that of 2008, when the Cubs won late, and the Cubs won decisively. Could the Cubs have finally turned a corner this season? Ohh time will tell, and it's far too early to start planning parades. If the Cubs can build off of these two games, the Central Division just got a bit more interesting.

Or maybe the A's are just a sh*tty road team.

Reflections on Chicago, no the other team

2010-06-14T06:18:00.000-07:00

Things we know
- Ted Lilly is one BAMF
- It's not ok to bunt for a base hit in the midst of a no hitter regardless of the score. Earn it bitch.
- Joe Morgan continues to defy logic by getting even more stupid every time we see him.
- There's only one cup that matters in this city - It lives on Madison

Things we suspect
- Steve Stone will not be joining Lou for drinks any time soon.
- The only thing that can make a 2010 Cubs/Sox game interesting is dueling no-hitters
- Whoever wins the BP cup will undoubtedly do nasty things to it, but for an entirely different reason that the other Cup.
- The dueling no-no's had more to do with bad offenses than good pitching.

Ok, let's get things out of the way now - Lou, Tyler Colvin needs to play more and everyone seems to know it except you. Deal.
Joe Morgan - who is your player of the game? The guy who took a no hitter into the 9th inning or the closer who walked two guys, loaded the bases, and still manged to get a save despite thimself? Really idiot? And they pay you for that?
The Sox won the series - whoopdeefreakindoo. So have a lot of other teams. If pretending this series means something means you can sleep better at night, undoubtedly with a blood relative, then go ahead Sox fans, gloat. You'll still have a really bad baseball team, and so will we, but we won't be f*cking our cousins.

Reflections On Championships....

2010-06-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

A sad, sad fact occurred to me yesterday. I've seen every major sporting franchise in this city win a championship in my memorable lifetime. I remember every team winning. It's not like I was born in 1982 and was physically breathing with no real memory of the event. I was aware and still have memories of every franchise winning a championship except 1....

in 1985, I was 9 years old. I remember mostly the Superbowl shuffle. Yeah. I remember my brother and I actually made a parody video called the cuddle bear shuffle. "I'm the cuddle QB, knows as the huddle. When I'm picked up I love to cuddle." Hey. We were 9 and 12 and used teddy bears...

In the 90's, I was in my late teens. My clearest memory of the championships is driving home from Minnesota one night, we were listening to the finals on the radio and my friend who was driving said "Man, if we didn't have cruise control, we'd be going about 120 right now." The Bulls won that game. He was far more into basketball than I was, but it was still quite a dynasty.

In 2005, I was in my late 20's. I watched every World Series game and heard them win it all on the radio on my way home from watching most of the game at a birthday party in a bar. I remember telling my wife "Half the Sox stuff in here smells like moth balls and the other half still has the tag hanging off of it." At the time, I was supportive of the Sox - even bought a hat that I've never worn. But that was before I remembered what colossal douchebags Sox fans were. Now, I still don't give a rat's ass what the Sox do, except so much as I hope they fail so Sox fans will just shut the f*ck up.

In 2010, I sit, 33 years old. Father of 1.667. The Hawks have won Lord Stanley's Cup. I was a bandwagon jumper, but I'll probably stick around. I'm pretty stoked about all that's happening today - before 1:20 that is. So go Hawks!

Some day, I'll be significantly older than I am right now - or dead - and the Cubs will finally, finally win. They will cease to be the laughingstocks of professional sports and literally make history. How I will feel that day I can only guess at. But however I feel or whatever I do, it will probably not involve teddy bears.

It's Santo's time...

2010-06-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

...to retire. Sorry Ronny. Face it. It's time. Rather like your brief stint with the White Sox, when you should've just walked away. You've been ill on each of the last 2 or 3 road trips, necessitating a last-minute replacement, be it the passable Dave Otto, or the utterly miserable Judd.

Ron, you've never belonged in a radio booth. Ever. You've been consistently whiny and prone to over reaction. You've been the monkey to Pat Hughes' accordion. You're old. And you kinda suck. Having said all that, I wish you no ill. I don't want you to be sick and I don't want you to die. I want you to take a dignified step back, and enjoy the games on TV. Heck - stop by every once in a while and remind the world you're still an idiot. But just back off and enjoy a few years of retirement. Kick back. And last, but not least - get the hell off the air waves.

My work and drive time will be better for it. and what that will provide for Sport-sync radio sales, I cannot even imagine.

Thank you Blackhawks!

2010-06-10T08:13:00.000-07:00

So, this is a Cubs blog right? Yep. But I think it's no secret that I jumped on the Blackhawks bandwagon last year during their playoff run. Those were some exciting games and I didn't even know what icing was! Then this year, I decided to see if regular season games were as exciting. They were! And I still didn't know what icing was! Now, I'm happy to say, I know what icing is, and I can even follow a game on the radio - without even seeing the puck. Oh my.

I watched many games this year - not all of them. To be honest, if it was overly inconvenient for me to watch a Hawks reg season game, I didn't. I didn't go to the lengths I will typically go to to watch a Cubs game, but I watched/listened to many of them. It was a good time. And now they're the champions. So once again, why am I writing about them in a Cubs blog? Quite simply because the Blackhawks have been the only thing that made this Cubs season anything more than miserable. And now they've won. They're done.

Shit.

Dear Milt, Shut up.

2010-06-04T12:58:00.000-07:00

Bawl four: Pappas knows how Tiger feels

Ok, you think you got screwed. We get it. Shut up already. Even two years ago when Zambrano threw his no-hitter and you were asked about it, all you could do was talk and Bruce Freakin' Froemming. Who knew one blog could get so sick of two Cubs named Milt?

But you don't know how he feels. Because in his case, he actually got screwed. In your case, you threw a borderline pitch that could've gone either way. Galarraga had the guy out by 3 feet. You screamed like a 3 year old girl. He smiled. You had to be restrained the next day. He handed the lineup card to the same guy who blew it less than 15 hours before.

You have a lot to learn Milt.

A game of inches, or is it yards...

2010-06-03T10:51:00.000-07:00

So a lot of you folks heard what happened yesterday-

http://detroit.tigers.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20100602&content_id=10727590&vkey=recap&fext=.jsp&c_id=det

But let me tell you something, backaroo. You didn't miss perfection. You saw it. You saw it right here.

This is seconds after destiny told him to "piss off" and slammed the door in his face. Afterward, a FOX reporter told him he was robbed and the call was blown, and this guy just smiled and said, "I hope we keep going like that...I feel really good" Maybe it's denial. Maybe it hadn't set in. I don't know and I won't pretend to know. But it was perfection. It just doesn't go in a record book.

Reflections on F$^$%^$ Pittsburgh

2010-06-03T06:30:00.001-07:00

Things we know -
- Lou doesn't
- If not for the Pirates, the Cubs would be above .500
- If not for the PIRATES, the Cubs would be above .500
- If not for the fact that the Cubs are playing like lost seahorses, they Cubs would be above .500

Things we suspect -
- Aramis is hurt
- Aramis is F%$^$%^$ HURT!
- Lou doesn't know
- The Pirates are going to make sweet ass love to us when the season is over.

Things Lou doesn't know -
- Apparently anything.

The Pirates continued their feeding frenzy on the Cubs rotting corpse over the last two days. Fortunately, dessert was called on account of rain. The Cubs will undoubtedly allow the Buc-heads to finish the sweep when they play their makeup game on Monday. Or they won't because at this point, it matter less and less. My personal expectations for this team have managed to drop even lower. I now expect nothing from this team, except 3 hours of frustration on a daily basis for the next 4 months. Anything more is a bonus, and anything less is not possible.

I don't....I just don't know...

2010-06-01T19:33:00.000-07:00

Ok fine Lou, you don't know. You can't seem to figure out what everyone else has been telling you for the past month. Put Ramirez on the DL so he can get his thumb and his head on straight. Moving Lee and Ramirez to 4 and 5 is not a shakeup. Moving them to 7 and 8 is a shakeup. So basically, what you've been showing us of late is - you don't know.

Can you at least try to pretend you know? Can you give it some f*cking effort to give us the illusion that you in fact have all the opposing teams right where you want them? Can you not bring in MArmol in the 8th when you're down a run?

Benching Theriot, Lee, Ramirez and Soto was the right move. Why you played Fuk over Byrd - that's up for some debate. Byrd - a-f*cking-mazingly has been your most consistent hitter this season. Lee I firmly believe will start hitting within the next 2 weeks. The rest could all use a day off, except Ramirez. He needs 2 weeks off. Give it to him. Don't tell us you don't f*cking know.

P.S. This post will serve as a Reflections on St. Louis post too, so yeah.

How far is too far outside the box?

2010-05-28T06:08:00.000-07:00

So Gorzelanny pooped his pants on his last bid to stay in the rotation with the second coming of Z. So the decision has to be easy on who to kick out right?
Dempster has been the best starter the Cubs have the last 3 years.
Lilly has been the most consistent start the Cubs have in the last 3 years
Wells is a kid who is on a freakin' roll and you don't want to upset that apple cart
Silva - Yes, that would be Carlos freaking Silva - is 6-0 and you have to be a colossal idiot to screw that up.
The bullpen has been one of the Cubs' greatest weaknesses. So, this is a job for....Dum dum dum....Zambranalanny!
Think about it. Our 5th starter could be Zambranalanny. Zambrano and Gorzy start each 5th game, one pitching the first 5 innings - to get the win, and the other to pitch the last 4 - to get the save. Day off for the bullpen! And they could switch - the first time Z pitches 5, then Gorzy closes, then Gorzy starts. You get the idea. It'd be so much fun to say Zambranalanny every 5th day. Or Gorzambrano depending on which day it is... Good times.

Reflections on Firsties

2010-05-28T05:36:00.000-07:00

Things we know
- OUR Xavier can play right unlike some other teams
- The Rangers didn't win that first game so much as the Cubs lost it
- It's far more exciting to strike out a cheating head-inflater than it is to win a ballgame

Thing we suspect
- Losing 8-5 isn't so bad since a month ago they would've lost 8-1
- Maybe this 1-run game thing isn't such a problem after all
- Reed Johnson is no better on another team
- Tylermania! needs more playing time.

The Cubs hit the "tough" part of their schedule with a sledgehammer. The story has predominantly been the pitching, with one notable exception. The Cubs have scored 44 runs over their last 11 games, so they ain't exactly hitting the cover off the ball, but they are also 8-3 during that same stretch. D-Lee is starting to pick it up - a bit - while A-Ram is steadfastly refusing to go on the DL where we all know he belongs. The Cubs made the same mistake with Soriano last year - just give him so time to get better so he can be the ARam we all know and love again.

Next up, the Cardinals. Albert Puljos has been in a bit of slump of late, and by "of late" I mean "May". Should be interesting.

Reflections on Shorties.

2010-05-21T12:48:00.000-07:00

2 series. 2 games each. one update.

Things we know

- 2 games is not a sweep
- Technically it is, but don't write home about it
- Zambrano is not long for the bullpen

Things we suspect
- The Cubs might just be starting to get it. Just a bit.
- Bob Howry won't help
- He won't hurt either

With a series sweep vs. the Rockies and a split again the Phillies, we can all begin to see that maybe this team is starting to figure things out a bit. This will certainly not be the dramatic turn around from 2007. But it could be the beginning of a gradual rise. OR it could just be that we missed Urbina and Halladay. Even the loss to the Phillies, down by 1 with runner at first and third with no outs in the 9th vs AARP Contreras and failing to score didn't bring me down because a month ago, they would've lost 5-1, not 5-4.

Reflections on Pittsburgh

2010-05-18T17:07:00.001-07:00

Things we know
- We are the Pirates' prison bitches

Things we suspect
- This Zambrano to the bullpen thing just isn't going to work out.

Normally I have more of these "things" but to be honest, when the Cubs are this bad, you can really only say the same thing so many times before everyone realizes you're saying the same thing - the Cubs suck. Well, they managed to salvage one game, so that's something and hopefully a sign of good things to come.

Reflections on Florida

2010-05-13T05:44:00.000-07:00

Things we know -
- It's never ever ok to boo anyone under any circumstances ever.
- Well, ok, it's ok sometimes, as long as they're making more money than a small village will ever see in their lifetime.
- Or unless they're from Louisiana
- Ok, Anyone except Castro because he's so cute and cuddly wuddly and if he doesn't work out we'll be stuck with Theriot.

Things we suspect -
- WTFE
- Carlos Silva may turn out to be a bigger coup than Hundley for Karros
- Carlos Silva is so far the only thing keeping Hendry in Chicago
- If Carlos Silva ever ate his weight in baked beans and Chili we'd need FEMA to get Fontenot's uniform out of his locker

Hey OMC, what's with all the Castro and Silva stuff? Well, you see after another pathetic outpouring of runs from our anemic offense, that's all there really was to talk about. Yesterday, only 2 of 8 starting players had a BA below .300 - Derrek Lee and Jeff Baker. And yet, the Cubs were only able to scratch out 4 runs, one on a wild pitch. And that pretty much sums it up there folks. Castro got booed on Monday much to the chagrin of local bloggers and Carlos Silva went 4-0 much to the chagrin of those same bloggers who were calling the trade a "disaster".

Maybe the booing won't turn out so bad either.

Wanted: Babysitters

2010-05-11T08:42:00.000-07:00

So there's been a little hooplah on the interwebs this morning about the Wrigley faithful last night booing our new young stud, Starlin. Most of the concern seems to revolve around his age or inexperience.

I wasn't aware that Cubs fans needed to coddle the new guys. When exactly does the grace period end? When can we boo? I only ask because most of the folks chiding us - and yes I mean I'd probably have been a booer had I been at the game last night - would be at the head of the charge against Soriano if he did something similar. Or Aramis (E-Ramis as one gent calls him so often). So when's it ok kids?

When he's 21? How about 22? How about a nice, round 30?

Bad play is bad play. Cadillacing it is cadillacing it. If you can't play hard in the majors, Felix Pie, go back to the PCL where you'll shine and be a perrenial MiLB All Star. If you want to stay, work for it. Don't expect us to cuddle you up in a blankey and kiss your boo-boos. The honeymoon is over. Now Play Ball.

Reflections on Cincinatti

2010-05-10T16:50:00.000-07:00

Things we know
- Our offense is capable of scoring less than 3 or more than 11 runs, and nothing in between.
- Starlin Castro can hit bad pitching - just like the rest of the offense
- We once had a rookie strike out 20 players in the beginning of his career. Where's he now?
- I stole that last one from @AdamBuckled.

Things we suspect
- Starlin Castro will not solve our problem
- Castro was a panic move nothing more.
- Bullsh*t taste bad Jim, stop feeding it to us
- This is going to be a long, long summer of bad.

Starlin Castro burst onto the scene with a 6 RBI first game, including a 3 run HR in his first ML At bat - Suck it, Jason Heywood. The much ballyhooed propsect came in, and the Cubs scored 14 runs. Then they lost 5-3 again. How about that? Castro will continue to be ballyhooed until it becomes clear that he is not the saviorof this team in a season that was over before it began. Then he'll be a highlight. Maybe.

Starlin-struck

2010-05-07T08:52:00.000-07:00

According to numerous reports today, Starlin Castro will make his Major League Debut. IN a corresponding move, Kevin Millar, oh wait, Chad Tracy, oh wait, who-the-hell ever was sent down to the minors, presumed never to return. I'm sure this has nothing to do with getting swept by the Pirates.

The kid sure did turn heads this spring in the Cactus league, but then so did a number of other prospects cough, cough, Pie, cough, Patterson, cough. This move is predominantly a PR move which may gain the Cubs a useless few wins for when they end up in third in the NL Central at the end of the year. This is another Zambrano-to-the-bullpen move. Nothing more. it's unfortunate,or fortunate depending on how things pan out. If he is the real deal, it unfortunate because it will get him to Free Agency (read: Yankees uniform) sooner. If he's a flash in the jock strap, we get to dump him in free agency one year sooner. My money's on the Yankees.

This is the very definition of a panic move and we can only hope T-Rix realizes how much this is going to cost him long term when looking over Jimmy and Lou's contracts this fall.

Reflections on Pittsburgh - The Ok Seriously Edition

2010-05-07T05:54:00.000-07:00

A message for Cubs fans -

Actually it's just a small part of something big and awesome, but for now:

Things we know
- The Pirates can't possibly lose every game they play
- They sure as hell didn't these past 3 days
- The Cubs are better than this
- Not MUCH better, but better.

Things we suspect
- Aramis needs to start hitting
- When he does, a lot of this will go away
- By then it may be too late
- This will not be the last loss to the Pirates this season, but hopefully it will be the most embarrassing.

My previous "Reflections" post pretty much summed up this series. No hitting leads directly to no wining. Do not pass Go. However, what might be more frightening is that this might start getting into the rotation's heads a bit. There is such a thing as trying to be too perfect and when giving up one or two runs means a loss, that's when guys stop just pitching their game and trying to do too much. And that's when bad things start happening, you know like waling the first two batters on 8 pitches.

Reflections on Pittsburgh

2010-05-07T04:17:00.001-07:00

Fuck

Reflections on Arizona

2010-05-03T17:02:00.000-07:00

This will be a tough one to write. I slept through Saturday and only heard parts of Sunday.

Things we know
- Soriano was f*cked up last year
- When you're already down by 6, another 7 runs really doesn't matter.
- The Cubs can hit the sh*t out of bad pitching.
- No one should be this happy to be at .500

Things we suspect
- The Diamondbacks may actually have a bullpen worse than ours.
- It's ok to stare at a long ball, as long as it lands in the bleachers.

I didn't really get much of a chance to see this series - at all. I was working Thursday and Friday, I hadn't slept on Saturday and I was out with the family on Sunday. Hey. We all gotta take a break some time. So this series' "Reflections" entry will suck (Just this one? - Shut up). I'll catch ya after Pittsburgh.

I Am Guilty Derrek, And I'll Never Do It Again

2010-04-30T11:31:00.000-07:00

Derrek Lee is hitting like crap. Amazingly, he's not as bad as Aramis Ramirez, but he's still pretty bad. However, History has shown, time and time again, that DLee will bounce back. The exceptions to this rule are 2005 when he was just ridiculous all year long, and 2008. In 2008, Lee's biggest problem was that he never met a double play he didn't like.

Every other year, consistently, April has sucked. Last year and admittedly the year before, I was on the Micah Hoffpauir (who's that guy???) bandwagon. This year, I'm on the Derrek bandwagon all the way. I'll ride out this bad storm with him because I know he'll produce down the road.

Aramis however - you're on your own pookie. You're just lucky Chad Tracy is so much worse.

Reflections on Washington

2010-04-28T13:35:00.000-07:00

Things we know
- Adam Dunn is a big dumb animal and we'll regret not signing him while we had the chance.
- Your starting rotation having a 2.60 ERA is great, unless your offense averages 2.5 runs per game.
- We should've pulled out all the stops to sign Matt Capps.
- The Cubs didn't win on Monday night so much as the Nationals lost.
- I really need to proof read my blog better.

Things we suspect
- Kevin Millar could've easily done Chad Tracy's job
- Aramis Ramirez REALLY needs to shave. It's like a reverse Samson thing
- Livan Hernandez has a secret "beat the Cubs" Kool-aid formula
- The Cubs couldn't get runs in Mexico drinking the water.

Despite our 5-2 records vs. the Gnats last year, I seem to remember they beat us in stupid ways that really infuriate me. This weekend it was simple lack of offense. I was giddy after the first game, but mostly because the Blackhawks were leading too. So that was , perhaps magnified. Now it's just a shocking lack of offense after we b-slapped the Boo-Hoo Crew so decisively. But hey. At least we have a f*cking cup now...

Two Teams, One Cup

2010-04-28T06:01:00.000-07:00

Confession time. I've never seen the infamous "Two Girls, One Cup" video (Stop right there! I have no desire to either). I cannot imagine though, that my reaction to watching it could be any stronger than my reaciton when I first heard the news about this Crosstown trophy bull$h17.

First, there was utter disbelief aqbout what I was seing. Followed by a strong feeling of nausea, and finally, I just had to turn my head away before I gave into everything and I saw something that would make me question my faith in everything good and decent in the world.

Here's a challenge to anyone who backs this idea and thinks it's good for the rivalry - When the crosstown series rolls around, ask every player on the roster at the time if they're excited to be playing for "the Cup". I guarantee you, at least 10 members on each team will respond with "What cup?" Because, you see, this series is meaningless. It's just 1/27th of a long, long schedule.

In he end, only marketing people and fools (and believe me, those are NOT necessarily two separate groups) think this is a good idea. Baseball people know it's a waste of time, a waste of effort, and it's not worth the gold plated, petrified dog crap it's made of.

Oh For The Love Of F*ck

2010-04-26T05:12:00.000-07:00

According to The Chicago Tribune, multiple sources are reporting that the Cubs and White Sox will announce today a trophy and "public bragging rights" for the winner of the Crosstown Rivalry.

A trophy.

A fucking trophy

A fucking god damned trophy

A fucking god damned piece of shit what the fuck are we fucking doing trophy?

So, let's recap what the T-Rix as brought to our team:
1. Raised ticket prices being sold for 20% higher than the already raised rates
2. A frozen payroll causing Carlos Zambrano to do his best Rick Vaughn impression
3. A sign in left field for a company that can't make a working car
4. A trophy for a meaningless series

Fuck

BREAKING NEWS!!!

2010-04-25T11:40:00.001-07:00

MLB revises rules of hits vs. Errors.

In an attempt to more accurately reflect batting statistics and not penalize hitters for knowning the opposition's defensive capabilities, MLB has revised the standards by which official scorers will determine a hit vs. an error.

From now on, hitting toward a sucky player is now considered a skill, therefore a hit. No longer will playing against bad baseball teams affect statistics when it comes to base hits and extra base hits. This has been a concern in the past regarding contract situations and hits vs. plate appearances. Naturally the player's union applauds the move.

In a related story, Alfonso Soriano and Rickie Weeks now lead the NL in fielding percentage, tied at 1.000%.

Boy that was a lot of build up for a pretty mediocre joke.

Reflections on Milwaukee

2010-04-25T06:55:00.000-07:00

Things we know:
- Theodore Roosevelt Lilly is one BAMF
- When the vacuum that sucked the hair of that woman's head was being developed by Kirby, it was code-named the "Rickie"
- Milwaukee really should explore the trade opportunities for Kosuke Fukudome since that is the only place he hits.
- Rickie Weeks' suckocity has it's own zip code.

Things we suspect:
- Doug Davis, while he's been tough against us in the past, can kiss our collective booties.
- Vegetable burgers are not good for one's swing.
- The Cubs can hit crappy pitching
- The Milwaukee Brewers are our prison bitches.

Gotta love a weekend series in Milwaukee. Lilly came back and made Prince his princess with 3 strikeouts, the first of which left Fatty McWhopper standing at home wondering where the hell the nearest steak was. Zambrano made his first appearance of the bullpen and did not attack anything. He did however run out of his own shoes. And on Sunday, the Pirates cheered as the Cubs turned the tide on the Boo-Hoo Crew beating them 12-2.

All in all. A good weekend.

Reflections on New York

2010-04-23T05:53:00.000-07:00

What we know:
- Fuck New York - normally this is a child friendly blog, but just Fuck 'em
- Fuck 'em again - in the ass - with a red hot poker.
- Our bullpen is not our only problem
- Zambrano won't help there either.

What we suspect:
- The Cubs can make any crappy team look good for 3-4 games at a stretch
- Bob Brenly needs to go off on Soriano more often.
- The odd of getting a hit increase significantly if you take the bat off your shoulder.
- It was too close to F*ckin' Take!

Besides one game where Soriano made a solid argument that he is not in fact a black hole where low-outside breaking balls go to die, the Cubs pretty much slept trough the New York series. A few encouraging things I did see last night were good solid AB's from several players including [holycrap]Soriano[/holycrap] in which they worked a full count and fouled off some tough pitches. Often the AB ended in an out, but for the most part, I can lvie with those. In my world, any AB in which you see 7 pitches is fruit punch, regardless of outcome. It's more pitches you see, better odds of maknig something happen, and frustrating as spit to a pitcher.

Overall, it was a tournament of blah, led by Aramis. Having him not hit is worse than having him out of the lineup because right now, he's basically another pitcher in the lineup. Not good mojo.

Z to the Pen - Why I hate it.

2010-04-21T16:02:00.000-07:00

Are you kidding me? We're sending Zambrano to the pen? You can't be serious! Oh Jesus. Here's why we're screwed.

1. Can you say white flag? White flag on the bullpen. White flag on Zambrano. He know our bullpen sucks and isn't getting any better. We know our Ace isn't an Ace, and isn't getting any better. Let's see what happens...

2. It could seriously screw with his head. Anyone remember when they moved Sammy Sosa to the #5 slot and "Sammy called Dusty to ask him for the move". This smells a lot like that. "Yeah Zambrano's totally cool with it, blah blah blah." Sammy was never anything ever again.

3. Zambrano has a tendency to give up runs early and dominate later. In the bullpen, there is no later.

4. Pitching more often than every 5 days could screw with his arm. You can't get him to drink Gatorade once a week. What makes you think three to four days a week will go any better?

5. It signals - or it least it SHOULD signal - the end of Jim Hendry's tenure in Chicago. Jim was so inept at putting together a bullpen for the last two years we now have a 17 million dollar setup man. How can that go unpunished? Hey TomRick - that's your money out there on the mound in the 8th.

Z to the Pen - Why I Love It

2010-04-21T15:57:00.001-07:00

Ok, so lots of lots of lots of talk going on today about the big move - Zambrano to the bullpen. Oh my Cockadoodledoo. What is going on here? Here's a few reasons why I absolutely love this move:

1. The bullpen cannot get any worse. It really can't. All Zambrano can do if f*ck it up which is pretty much what everyone else is already doing anyway.

2. He can go more than 1 inning. I doubt he ever will, but hey - if necessary, Zambrano can bring it for 2 innings and he can hit for himself and Lou would not look like an idiot.

3. Pitching only 1 or 2 innings at a time, Z can ramp it up a notch. You think he's close to unhittable at 93 MPH? How about 97?

4. It may help get Z's head right. Hey Z - you're not irreplacable. Get down there and stabilize this thing and then we'll let you back in the club you like belonging to.

5. He might just do a good job and, you know, not give up runs - which is something this bullpen needs.

What are you talking about??

2010-04-19T19:16:00.000-07:00

Headline: All-Star balloting 2010 is almost here It's f*cking APRIL!!!

Every blog, story, I hear/see/read is saying "it's too early to tell" or "it's a small smaple size" and yet, voting for the All Star game the outcome of which, by the way, happens to determine quite possibly the most important home field advantage in sports, opens tomorrow. Are you F*cking kidding me? How can you possibly open voting for the all star game when Pittsburgh is second in the standings is beyond me. Can we please get a chance to, oh I don't know, see some games before we decide who the besterest players are?

If it's important, then this can't be a popularity contest. If it's a popularity contest, then it cannot be important. Commit.

Reflections on Houston

2010-04-18T13:40:00.001-07:00

Things we know
- Geoff Blum is a rat bastard
- Marmol is not invincible
- The qualifications for pitching out of the bullpen are depressingly low.
- So are the qualifications for singing Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Things we suspect
- Roy Oswalt is the best pitcher from his hometown.
- The Astros are as screwed without Berkman as we were without Ramirez last year
- This will not be Marmol's last 4 out save opportunity, nor his last blown save.
- There's no better slump buster than sitting in the first base dugout for 3 days at Wrigley

What started off as a positive series against the abysmal Astros who were missing their BFF Berkman ended in a ridiculous display of batting ineptitude. Ok, I get getting shut down by Roy Oswalt. He's a great pitcher and several score games over .500 in his career. But can anyone please explain why the prospect of facing the Great and Mighty Wandy and the Fearsome Geoff send cubs batters scurrying to the bench like kicked dogs? Yeah. Neither can I. What could've been an opportunity to get above sealevel for a couple of games turned out to be cement Reeboks dragging us down like a squealer. And speaking of which, on to New York.

From the LOLz filez

2010-04-18T11:48:00.000-07:00

Dear University of Miami,

Please review your curriculum and graduation requirements.

Love,
The guys who flew this flag

New Rules and Regs for Singing the Stretch

2010-04-17T12:44:00.000-07:00

So, "McLovin" sang the Stretch today. I say "McLovin" because that is how Pat Hughes introduced him. Mc - Freakin' - Lovin. Really?

I'm not ashamed I had to google it. And don't get me wrong, I found a funny, if R-Rated clip below, but...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9RWVEAQeC0

Ricketts, haven't we already had this conversation? Here are the new rules that need to be implemented to the "Guest Conductors" for Take Me Out To The Ballgame. There are only two of them, so you don't even need to pay attention for very long.

1. Must have some Chicago connection. Passing through or assaulting a Walgreens employee does not qualify. You must've been born here, own real estate here, or have started a professional theatre here. This is a baseball game. Not a late-night talk show. You want to promote something, talk to Letterman.

2. If you do not root, root, root for the Cubbies, sit the f*ck down. I'm tired of the Bob Uekers, the Bernie Macs, the baseball legends who change the lyrics, pull the mic away, or otherwise don't say the name. If you're not willing to don a Cubs hat and Jersey in front of millions of TV viewers and profess your love for our team, sit the f*ck down, and yes, I'm talking to you Mr. President.

So there are your rules. If you fail to meet both, go home and make a donation to Haiti to get your mug on TV. Leave our game and our song alone.

Reflections on Milwaukee

2010-04-15T06:20:00.000-07:00

What we know:
- LaTroy Hawkins is exactly the pitcher we expected.
- Alfonso Soriano has no business wearing a fielding glove - and batting gloves are becoming debatable.
- Nothing good ever happens when you walk a pitcher.
- Spellcheck needs to go away. Back to Iowa. If they'll have him.

What we suspect
- Lou Pinella has no idea what the score is. All he knows is, if the team is smiling, they're leading.
- The Boo-Hoo Crew will still be boo-hooing come October
- Two of the best hitters in the game are in the NL central
- Neither of them are on the Cubs - yet.

Can't complain about a series win, but you can complain about Jeff F*cking Sam(F7)a. He's proven yet again that 1 pitch just ain't gonna cut it in the majors. It barely makes it in the minors. He needs to go. As soon as Lilly comes back. Tylermania! is alive and well. Soriano has been put on notice, even though he hasn't. Sadly, we're stuck with that crap for another 4 years, 150+ games.

Next up are the b-slapped Astros who may actually be worse than the Pirates this year...

Reflections on Cincy

2010-04-10T06:23:00.001-07:00

Things we know
- The bullpen still sucks
- It will suck for a long, long time
- They can't blow it every game
- They sure can give it a shot.

Things we suspect
- Maybe the Cubs didn't get hosed on Silva
- Zambrano doesn't suck, but that doesn't mean he's great
- Sean Marshall may save this bullpen single-handed
- The 8th inning will be our Achilles heel

Coughing up the lead in two games over the weekend during the in the 8th inning is painting a pretty clear picture on how much we need Lilly to come back and move Gorzy back into the bullpen.

In the meantime, one week in, it's too small a sample size to make any sort of definitive opinion, but it ain't pretty so far. I get the sense this season is going to be very much like when we as kids used to download naughty pictures with our modems over the course of an hour or two - one line at a time. Sadly though, it will take far too long to determine whether this picture will of Christina Applegate or Margret Thatcher.

Reflections on Atlanta

2010-04-09T05:51:00.000-07:00

Things we know:

- Zambrano is not, nor is he ever likely to be, our Ace
- We need Ted Lilly
- Our bullpen blows hairy donkey balls
- I am apparently, a bad Cubs fan

Things we suspect:

- Randy Wells got some cheese.
- He can pitch too
- Tylermania! is overrated, but it'll be a fun ride until it blows a tire
- Marlon Byrd can only hit home runs.

Was Atlanta bad? You betcha. Will break our season? No. Our bad bullpen will break our season. It was a bad series, magnified by the fact that it was opening weekend. Had this series happened in June, it'd still be bad, but it probably wouldn't look as bad. So really the only thing we should take away from this series is Carlos Zambrano should never pitch the opener for anything ever again.

I'm a fan. Not a f*cking idiot

2010-04-05T17:50:00.000-07:00

So my fandom was called into question today because I was a bit sardonic about our Cubs' (specifically a certain "Ace") performance today. The tweets in question were:
--------------
- @oneminutecubs you're getting pretty annoying.
- @oneminutecubs are you a cubs fan, or no?
- @oneminutecubs you're acting like this game is how the rest of the season is going to go. #shutup
- @oneminutecubs how about you find a new team?
--------------
Guess what, Punky Brewster - Kiss my fuzzy ones.

Just because I don't like the performance of my team that I dedicate my mind, soul, money and heart to, doesn't mean I have to blindly find the good in it, and pretend the rest doesn't exist. It does exist, and at the moment, it was kicking me in the nuts.

I'm not so sure what I said that 349 other followers didn't care about but got your panties in a bunch. It was certainly consistent with what the rest of the twittersphere (At least the ones I follow) were saying. Mine is one of the below:

- If they're all like this / 161 more / I doubt I can take

- So...maybe Big Z is trying to get EVERY SINGLE bad play out of his system now? .......It's about time for a balk

- I'm starting to think I'll be enjoying #TheComedyOfZ this year.

- No way Z calmly walks into the dugout after this inning. So much for the new Z

So which one is mine? It must really be jumping of the page at you. Oh wait.

What it boils down to is you can be a fan, or you can be an idiot. Or in this case, both. You have a choice in this - Stop fucking following me. I will not beg, nor will I apologize. I make no secret of what I will say nor how I will say it. And 349 other people seem to get a kick out of it.

Take your lonely ass back to momma's basement and call me when you get a clue. I'll be over here at the smart kids table taking time to understand what I'm seeing, not just someone who douses their drawers when dreamy Derrek Lee hits a ball a long, long way.

Ring ring

2010-04-05T12:01:00.000-07:00

You get a phone cal out of the blue and there's your old friend on the other end of the line, hoping to catch up with you. Hey! Whatcha been doing?

Well, we picked up a new centerfielder. Seems like a good guy. Great with kids and the best part is, his mom doesn't take interviews. We also brought back all the oldies-but-goodies, Zambrano, Lee, Ramirez, you know. The whole gang.

We miss Jake, but there's this new guy Tyler. He's a real spark plug. He put on 25 pounds over the winter, just like uncle Morty, but in an entirely different, and much less scary way. He's been hitting the bejezus out of the ball. We're not POSITIVE he can hit a curveball, but we'll find out soon enough.

We've got some new kids, John and Ezmiralda or something like that. They'll be just fine, but a little...oh let's say raw. They looked really good pitching against those first graders in AZ, so we're sure they'll be fine. How are you?

"Oh, me? Good. Making fudge."

Right.

Sleep deprived predictions and other sheep.

2010-04-01T06:01:00.000-07:00

Baaaa...Yeah I'm freakin' tired. Couldn't sleep last night. That may skew my results and if it does, 75% of these were slated to be wrong anyway, so fahrfugnugen.

The Cubs will be an annoyingly average team this year and pound out 86 wins which will not do the job in the NL Central. The Cubs will finish 2nd in the division and 5th in the Wild Card and 12 in Miss Congeniality.

Derrek Lee will get off to his typically slow start and there will be calls for Kevin Millar to replace him except Millar will already have signed with the White Sox beacuse, well, f*ck the Cubs. Teases...

Aramis will spend approximately 36 days on the DL after his shoulder grabs a random lamp he's passing by and smacks him in the shins with it. The shoulder will receive probation and community service.

The "New" Z will spend 6 1/2 - no, not days - innings with his new persona until Soriano commits his first error of the season at around 5:00 CST in Atlanta, and then go completely Bat-Sh*t crazy for the rest of the season. He will win 26 games and come in second for Cy Young voting to Mark Grace who will pitch one perfect inning of relief during a 21 - 3 loss in a Father-Son game.

On a related note, Zambrano will also start a twitter account, @crazierthanOzzie and will pull a hamstring while tweeting about Wonder Years reruns.

Marlon Byrd will be driven out of town - by a chauffeur - whenever he flies. But that really won't make news so forget I mentioned it.

Tyler (not Durden) makes the roster.

2010-03-29T07:50:00.001-07:00

Boy, wouldn't it be just all sunshine and roses if Tyler Colvin didn't sit on the bench for a week before he got one pinch hit opportunity and then another week, etc. You would like to think that Colvin would be able to be rotated in and out of the lineup and that all 4 outfielders would play nice, but that just won't happen.

There is no way Colvin starts 2 games per week, barring an injury or trade - hey, we can dream. Now will this turn out to be ultimately bad for the kid? Who knows. I can't imagine it'll be great. Will it irrevocably damage him or launch him into stardom? Neither will probably happen but I would argue that damage is infinitely more likely.

In a perfect world, Colvin could rotate in once for each starter once per week or every other week or so. Actually, I take that back. In a perfect world, Colvin learns to play second base, but that's another conversation.

Let's hope this roster move is more Gordon Beckham than it is Corey Patterson.

Hold on! Wait! I have an idea!

2010-03-26T09:08:00.000-07:00

Seeing as how we're a two team radio station, let's get rid of sports talk! Yeah. There's an idea. Sounds idiotic right? Well that's just what WGN is doing -

WGN-AM recasts Kaplan as 'sports insider,' gives Laski 'Sports Central' slot

First, the y get rid of weekend sports central which, at times, tempted me to leave work early to listen. Now, weekday Sports Central. But don't worry. Kapper will still be there as a talking muppet during postgame. That is until he wakes up and heads over to ESPN or the Score.

Look, I wasn't a Kathy and Judy fan. In fact I sustained many injuries diving for the radio to turn it off. But this latest trend to turn WGN into controversial radio is just ridiculous. My DAD listens to FM radio now since Pig Vomit took over. My Dad. Until recently, I'm not sure my father realized the dial on the radio turned, WGN was such a mainstay in his truck - even Kathy and Judy lord only knows why.

Feeling the loss.

2010-03-26T07:25:00.001-07:00

Ok. I'm a little miffed. I have stuck out my neck on a few occasions over the past few months to defend Paul Sullivan a.k.a. @PWSullivan a.k.a. What the fuck are you blocking me for??. And all that was turned on its head today by a simple little message on twitter:

"This user has blocked you from following them."

So I got curious...what could I have possibly said to add myself to the illustrious ranks of A League of Her Own, Another Cubs Blog, etc who Paul thinks don't like him?

So I went back over my Twitter feed for two months and here is my list of atrocities:

Please @PWSullivan, please stop writing about MB so every other blogger in the city can stop writing about how much they hate you. - 11:24 AM Mar 10th

Yeah we're pretty sure Lou will be managing in April too. RT @PWSullivan: Oz sez Lou will return to Cubs in 2010: http://bit.ly/bdDxHo 1:58 PM Mar 6th

@PWSullivan Tell Lou, at this point, we don't care who he hits like, just so long as he hits the damn ball. 7:46 AM Feb 27th

History is written by the winners. RT @PWSullivan: Hendry says arbitration battle vs. Theriot wasn't "adversarial." 10:40 AM Feb 20th

Bastards.. RT @PWSullivan: ESPN Classic now showing Game 6 Cubs-Marlins for Valentine's Day Heartbreakers Marathon 5:16 PM Feb 14th

@PWSullivan Do you really think it's appropriate to refer to a player on the team you cover as "The Riot"?? #tongueplantedfirmlyincheek 11:21 AM Feb 4th

@doc_blume @PWSullivan So what? Neither can Silva. 6:31 PM Feb 3rd in reply to doc_blume

# Reading/listening to @thekapman or @PWSullivan is like watching Michael Moore. As long as you go into it knowing there's an agenda... 11:02 PM Feb 1st

All due respect but WTFE RT @Aisle424: RT @anothercubsblog: Paul Sullivan is a liar http://ow.ly/1nXL19 10:38 PM Feb 1st

I'm just curious as to which on got me the hatchet? My guess is one of the two most recent -

Please @PWSullivan, please stop writing about MB so every other blogger in the city can stop writing about how much they hate you. - 11:24 AM Mar 10th

Yeah we're pretty sure Lou will be managing in April too. RT @PWSullivan: Oz sez Lou will return to Cubs in 2010: http://bit.ly/bdDxHo 1:58 PM Mar 6th

Here's the thing Chicken Little. Every time PW writes anything about Milton Bradley, a lot of bloggers that I follow go completely ApeSh*t and go off on another tangent about how PW is a horrible man and a horrible reporter, blah blah blah blah. Dude. I was just sick of reading about it.

The other reference - maybe it was a typo, but you're a reporter. You report to thousands of people. Someone's gonna call you on it. You said Lou will be managing in 2010. IT IS 2010!

I have done nothing but support PW and his right to say whatever her wants because I recognize that there's an agenda there. Most of the time his quips are funny, so I ran with it, even if it did stretch the limits of what might be considered respectable journalism in some circles. But now I'm blocked. WTF? I guess to say Paul Sullivan is thin skinned would be like saying Hitler wasn't a very nice guy.

Well guess what Paully. You jsut became my new twitter crash test dummy. I can't read ya. But I CAN reply to ya.

I Think You Are Underestimating The Amount Of Sneakiness Sir

2010-03-21T07:06:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone guess what? Baseball's coming! It's really sneaking up on us this year. It's being Vewy vewy qwiet. Maybe it's the Blackhawks heading toward the playoffs (which I'm actually following for the first time). Maybe it's the snow on the ground. Maybe it's because there are really very few compelling stories in Spring Training this year. Whatever it is, I'm having trouble coming to grips with the fact that Baseball is 15 days away. This time last year, I was halfway through my 2009 roster breakdown. Which reminds me I should probably get going on that.

It's just one of those springs where it's just sneaking by and we're completely unaware. Or at least I am.

It could also have to do with the fact that I have no high hopes, nor low hopes for this season. I'm not really looking forward to watching a .500 team play 162 games....again. Cuz it was such a joy last year...

Bullpen? Who needs it?

2010-03-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

Because I'm sure all of our starters will go deep into every game, you know like they used to.....back.....in the.......60's....

Anyway. Guzman's shoulder has finally packed its bags and headed home, dragging Angel behind it, so we're left with a more scary version of our bullpen including Marmol, Grabow, Caridid (for a couple weeks anyway), Marshall, and...and....Crap...

I hold out hope for John Grabow - maybe not 4 million dollars of hope, but hope. He did a pretty good job with the club last year after his acquisition. Caridad is making a good show of himself in camp this year, but it's Spring training in Arizona - not exactly a good guage for a set up man. Oh Jimmy why did you not get Putz or Capps. Either one of them would be a welcome addition to what we have now. Eh well. I'm sure it will contribute to what is destined to be a frustratingly boring and uninspired 84 win season.

But I still can't wait for baseball to start!

Chicago was a perfect fit for MB

2010-03-10T09:28:00.001-08:00

So everyone in the world has been saying that Chicago was not the best fit for Milton. I disagree. I think Chicago was the perfect place for Milton. Here's why:

Chicago has a lot of media and fans who will listen to the sh*t dribbling out of his mouth. Heck, even now that he's gone, he's still getting airwaves on Chicago's dime. The NY Post, or Times, or whatever (it's all F'ing New York), and now ESPN are giving Milton the opportunity to continue to spout his drivel, because in Seattle, no one pays attention long enough to care. What Milton didn't realize was, he blew his load too soon.

He had a full three years to spout, and could've gone on unabated if he'd just paced himself. Ya know? Year one could've been about how uncomfortable he was, then year two, he could've brought up how no one in the club house likes him. By year three, his walk year, he could've brought up the racist hype and honestly, even after he resigned somewhere else with someone who could "change" him, he would've so incensed the crowd here he could've ridden that train until 2020 - on 20/20 no less.

Too bad we missed all that...

Spring training....meh

2010-03-04T08:05:00.000-08:00

So Spring Training games are here at last. Words cannot express how happy I am that we can all watch and listen to live baseball again. Words cannot express it, because I simply do not care. These games don't mean anything, and I frankly stress myself out enough during the regular season, so when it comes to Spring training, I really, really don't care. Hang on. Let me try to care.

Nope. Not working. I care about Spring Training games just a hair more than rugby games in the outback between two aboriginal tribes. The only, small, incomprehensible way this affects my life in the slightest is that now the Cubs reporters are back to their full time jobs so there's more to read and digest. But honestly, I won't care until April. That's when I go all in. Wait. I think I feel some excitement building....nope false alarm. Burrito....

Maybe they won't be so bad....

2010-02-25T11:27:00.000-08:00

Ok, let's be clear about something. The 2010 Chicago Cubs will not suck. Not like Pirates or Royals kind of sucking anyway. Cubs fans, we loves our dramas. So while we all curse and rail that this team will be so bad, yeah well, they could be worse. Far worse.

So let's be realists here. The Cubs are looking to be a probably slightly higher than .500 team at this point. And that's probably the worst of it. Not so bad that we get to really complain about it (not with any real leg to stand on anyway), but not good enough to overtake the Cardinals or possibly the Boo-hoo Crew. Our 2010 Cubbies are probably gonna be ridiculously average. And that's the really sad part. Expectations are so high after 2003, 2007, and 2008, that the "average" that would've been welcome relief in the 80's and 90's is torture in the 2000's.

I'd write more, but I'm tired and need a nap....

Zambrano's fuse....

2010-02-19T06:38:00.000-08:00

A couple of other folks have sounded off on this piece by Danny McWhackadoodle of Chicago Tribune and WSOX fame.

Ok first of all, Danny Mac does not (nor anyone else at the southside radio station) keep secret about his baseball allegiance in this town. I can only imagine the whiplash caused by the double take when McNeal handed this piece to his editor - "You're writing about what?"

While we're on the subject, Dan McNeil ranting about someone else's temper is like Hitler saying "I don't know, that's a little harsh." Maybe we shouldn't be listening to the guy that was both suspended and fired by a certain other sports radio station within a year.

You want tantrums and general stupidity Danny? I'd suggest you tune into WSOX from 9-1 every weekday.

Today is the day!

2010-02-19T05:41:00.000-08:00

All the off-season moves, the excitement, the wonder, the Wrigley renovations, it's all so mesmerizing. It's inspired my wife and I to plan our summer very carefully and map out everything we want to see from this year. It's so exciting and so motivating. I've got my two computers here. I'm pushing for a personal best 120 virtual waiting rooms. Everything is ready. Everything is planned for our....

2 games.

Spring is in the air...So the hell what?

2010-02-18T08:32:00.001-08:00

This is my obligatory "Pitchers and Catchers" blog posting - everyone needs one. So here's mine. Since it's officially time to look forward to the season, here's what I'm looking forward to.

A completely forgettable season. There won't be any controversy, no great events, no horrible events. The Cubs will probably finish second or third, or whatever ain't first. There will be highs and lows. A walk-off against the Cardinals. A walk off by the Cardinals. The Sox will make us grab our ankles when they show up with Peavy, Buehrle (or whoever you spell his name - how about Bueller?), Danks, Damon, Quentin, etc.

People will talk and rant about how Zambrano is a nut case, he needs to be traded, Lee should be traded, Theriot should be traded, where's Castro, what the hell is Castro doing here, we miss the Hoff, blah blah. We will search for something to get excited about - good or bad - and the best we'll come up with will be something Carlos Silva's mom says.

Gonna be boring folks. Strap in and enjoy the virtually flat ride.

But in the meantime, here's some obscenity-laced Metallica for you:

Not so much "Presale" as it is a "sale"

2010-02-12T11:29:00.000-08:00

The Cubs announced recently that fans will have the "opportunity" to purchase individual game tickets before everyone else during their "pre-sale" starting February 15th at 10am and going through noon on Feb 18th. For the privilege of buying tickets before everyone else, you need only pay 20% above face value. Ok - a couple of things:

1. If everyone can buy tickets during the "pre-sale", it's a SALE. Just call it what it is. There's not unique opportunity here. Everyone is invited. If you want the good seats, you gotta pay the good prices.

2. There's a business model that generates profit by inflating ticket prices of good seats and selling them above face value. It's called "scalping". Once again call it what it is.

Long story short - either fans are getting screwed or fans are getting screwed. Either you pay the inflated prices for the good games. Or you pay the regular prices for the games nobody cares about. Oh wait, they already have that in the tier system. So wait. I'm confused.

Long story short, I've only heard about the Cubs doing this which means they're the only franchise with the balls to try and pull it off. It's sad that withholding my money is the only way to protest which only means I'm depriving myself of the experience while 20,000,000 other lackeys step into my place.

I fought the law, and I won....

2010-02-06T12:09:00.000-08:00

I apologize to all my readers, er ok, both my readers, but this is neither "one minute" nor Cubs.

Shawn Wasson, a.k.a. "The News Junkie" was broadcasting his usual show on Saturday morning. He was reporting a story in which a principal sent a student home for wearing the wrong jersey to school. According to Wasson, The principal singled the student out in class, berated the student publicly, then denied the student his education by sending him home for supporting the wrong team. He and I needed to have a chat - Email sent:

Greetings News Junkie,

I happened across your radio program on my lunch break earlier, and unfortunately, did not have time to call in - 30 minutes just isn't as long as it used to be. You were discussing the merits of a principal sending home a 17 year old student for wearing a Colts jersey on Black and Gold day. So I found the following story, and wanted to comment on your position:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,584975,00.html?test=latestnews

First of all, while requiring student to wear uniforms is not a popular stance among the students, one could easily argue that wearing standard uniforms in an academic environment is considered a normal practice by schools across the country. The theories behind adherence to a dress code range from child safety to student focus on curriculum. Whether or not the practice of a dress code policy is right or not is not in question here. The problem comes when the school relaxes those policies for whatever reason.

According to the news article, "A Livingston Parish School Board member said Frost wasn't sent home, but was told he couldn't wear the blue jersey at school. Keith Martin, whose district includes Maurepas, said the school uniform had been relaxed only for black and gold."

Please note the two phrases - "Frost wasn't sent home" and "the school uniform had been relaxed only for black and gold". It is not uncommon for schools to allow "Dress down days" or similar practices for special events such as fundraisers, sports teams, school spirit, etc. In this case, the school relaxed their policies to support the New Orleans Saints team in the Super bowl. The school did not require any student to wear the Saints' colors. It offered them the option.

The article goes on -
"According to Martin, a friend of Brandon Frost's had asked Vampran on Thursday whether Brandon could wear a Colts jersey, and had been told "no."" - self explanatory

"During a class on Thursday, Frost said, he talked about his plans to wear his jersey rather than Saints colors. He said the teacher warned him he'd get in trouble." - Self explanatory. He's been told no twice.

"Larry Frost said he didn't know about that when Brandon asked Thursday whether he could wear the jersey. He said he told his son to come home if he was hassled too much." - Sounds like Dad is the one sending him home.

"Brandon Frost said Vampran called him out of his first class Friday and told him, "I don't recall saying you could wear a Colts jersey on Black-and-Gold Day."" - 100% accurate. The Principal did not say the student could wear "any jersey". - Please note "Called him out of his class" - he did not confront the student in front of other students as you suggested on your show.

""He started to get angry with me," Frost said. "I thought I remember him saying, 'If you like Indiana so much, why don't you go back?"'" What? You mean a principal got upset when a student - who had already been told he was wrong twice - started mouthing off to him about a jersey. I particularly like the sentence "I thought I remember him saying..." You mean as opposed to "You're going to have to change shirts"?

Then Dad, decides to call the ACLU about this affront to his son's free speech. This isn't free speech. This is a t-shirt. This is a dress code. Even the ACLU doesn't want to take that one on.

I could frankly go on and on, but at the end of the day, when you send your child to school, you are not buying "an education". You are paying for the teachers to dispense knowledge at a facility. This facility has rules and regulations for a reason. Flagrant disregard of these rules make for a hostile learning environment. Teachers have a hard enough time teaching. Telling 17 year old kids that they do not have to honor those rules that are put place to facilitate learning only leads to a breakdown in the learning process - more so than asking a kid to change his shirt or go home.

I am willing to concede that perhaps the principal did say the remark about going back to Indiana, only because as the article state, he acknowledged that he should not have done so. If so, that was wrong. But not ACLU wrong. However inappropriate, I can only guess what equally inappropriate/downright offensive things the student in questions must've said in the exchange. You'll notice those quotes were left out of the paper.

Bottom line: even if this dress code policy was not written down or set in stone, two things remain clear:
1. The student was told no, 2 1/2 times. Twice in school, and one half when the father admitted that there may be trouble. While he didn't say it wasn't allowed, granting permission to come home if there's trouble seems to be at least a tacit acknowledgement that this is not - for lack of better words - "a good idea"

2. The student clearly violated the spirit of the rule. Black and gold day was clearly meant to celebrate the home town's team and their accomplishment. Not only did the student violate that rule, he completely went in the opposite direction. I somehow think that if the students were told to wear school colors, and this student wore something not in the school colors and he were sent home, this would not be an issue.

This was a 17 year old kid flagrantly violating a rule, and being allowed to do so by his parents, the neighborhood, the newspaper, and the ACLU. Clearly THAT is the wrong message to be sending - not "my team is better than yours".

Hey you, Ryan, yeah you. Come here....

2010-02-04T14:57:00.000-08:00

What are you an idiot? Sullivan might think so. (couldn't resist) You're going up against the Cubs in arbitration? Did you know I'm a psychic? You're gonna lose. Badly. And you'll be a not-so-happy-go-lucky plucky, scrappy little infielder. You'll be a bitter angry upset little infielder and you'll still have a rag arm, but you won't be as aww-shucks-like.

Don't get me wrong kid - you're kinda cute in a "I won't throw the puppy out in the cold unless he chews my mattress" kinda way. But beyond that, you're a slap hitter and an average fielder. Not exactly the gateway to Jeterdom ya know?

So lighten up kid. You're gonna lose, and lose bad. Take whatever bone the Cubs are throwin' ya and run away like a bandit, because that is probably the best steal you'll get all year without being picked off.

This is yet another example of the written word that I wish could be spoken word because it comes off in my head so much better than it looks.

An open letter to WGN RE: Steve Cochran

2010-02-03T17:06:00.000-08:00

Dear WGN,

This Blackhawks season has brought to light something that concerns me. Something that I'm afraid will continue into the Cubs season. It seems whenever a sports team who broadcasts on WGN has a game following Steve's show, for whatever reason Steve Cochran is given the go-ahead to broadcast remotely from that location. It would seem that along with that permission also comes permission to drink heavily, become an ass, and generally become less funny than he is on a normal night - no easy feat.

Just why Steve is given the green-light to drink like a catholic priest just before a courtroom appearance while on the air is a mystery, but when the listener can't tell who's further under the table - the host, or Bobby Hull - that's a problem.

Since we're on the topic, if there's any other way to reduce the frequency of the daily 6:30 "Steve's not-as-funny-as-me friends" segments featuring Patti Vasquez and Mark DeCarlo or the bi-weekly Wine "Diva" visits with the same dipsh*ts calling and asking the same dipsh*t questions ("No you should not drink the red wine that's been sitting in your attic since 1692.") it'd be very much appreciated.

I'd go on, but Steve just said something that made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Love,
OMC