Reflections on Milwaukee

What we know:
- LaTroy Hawkins is exactly the pitcher we expected.
- Alfonso Soriano has no business wearing a fielding glove - and batting gloves are becoming debatable.
- Nothing good ever happens when you walk a pitcher.
- Spellcheck needs to go away. Back to Iowa. If they'll have him.

What we suspect
- Lou Pinella has no idea what the score is. All he knows is, if the team is smiling, they're leading.
- The Boo-Hoo Crew will still be boo-hooing come October
- Two of the best hitters in the game are in the NL central
- Neither of them are on the Cubs - yet.

Can't complain about a series win, but you can complain about Jeff F*cking Sam(F7)a. He's proven yet again that 1 pitch just ain't gonna cut it in the majors. It barely makes it in the minors. He needs to go. As soon as Lilly comes back. Tylermania! is alive and well. Soriano has been put on notice, even though he hasn't. Sadly, we're stuck with that crap for another 4 years, 150+ games.

Next up are the b-slapped Astros who may actually be worse than the Pirates this year...

Reflections on Cincy

Things we know
- The bullpen still sucks
- It will suck for a long, long time
- They can't blow it every game
- They sure can give it a shot.

Things we suspect
- Maybe the Cubs didn't get hosed on Silva
- Zambrano doesn't suck, but that doesn't mean he's great
- Sean Marshall may save this bullpen single-handed
- The 8th inning will be our Achilles heel

Coughing up the lead in two games over the weekend during the in the 8th inning is painting a pretty clear picture on how much we need Lilly to come back and move Gorzy back into the bullpen.

In the meantime, one week in, it's too small a sample size to make any sort of definitive opinion, but it ain't pretty so far. I get the sense this season is going to be very much like when we as kids used to download naughty pictures with our modems over the course of an hour or two - one line at a time. Sadly though, it will take far too long to determine whether this picture will of Christina Applegate or Margret Thatcher.

Reflections on Atlanta

Things we know:

- Zambrano is not, nor is he ever likely to be, our Ace
- We need Ted Lilly
- Our bullpen blows hairy donkey balls
- I am apparently, a bad Cubs fan

Things we suspect:

- Randy Wells got some cheese.
- He can pitch too
- Tylermania! is overrated, but it'll be a fun ride until it blows a tire
- Marlon Byrd can only hit home runs.

Was Atlanta bad? You betcha. Will break our season? No. Our bad bullpen will break our season. It was a bad series, magnified by the fact that it was opening weekend. Had this series happened in June, it'd still be bad, but it probably wouldn't look as bad. So really the only thing we should take away from this series is Carlos Zambrano should never pitch the opener for anything ever again.

I'm a fan. Not a f*cking idiot

So my fandom was called into question today because I was a bit sardonic about our Cubs' (specifically a certain "Ace") performance today. The tweets in question were:
--------------
- @oneminutecubs you're getting pretty annoying.
- @oneminutecubs are you a cubs fan, or no?
- @oneminutecubs you're acting like this game is how the rest of the season is going to go. #shutup
- @oneminutecubs how about you find a new team?
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Guess what, Punky Brewster - Kiss my fuzzy ones.

Just because I don't like the performance of my team that I dedicate my mind, soul, money and heart to, doesn't mean I have to blindly find the good in it, and pretend the rest doesn't exist. It does exist, and at the moment, it was kicking me in the nuts.

I'm not so sure what I said that 349 other followers didn't care about but got your panties in a bunch. It was certainly consistent with what the rest of the twittersphere (At least the ones I follow) were saying. Mine is one of the below:

- If they're all like this / 161 more / I doubt I can take

- So...maybe Big Z is trying to get EVERY SINGLE bad play out of his system now? .......It's about time for a balk

- I'm starting to think I'll be enjoying #TheComedyOfZ this year.

- No way Z calmly walks into the dugout after this inning. So much for the new Z

So which one is mine? It must really be jumping of the page at you. Oh wait.

What it boils down to is you can be a fan, or you can be an idiot. Or in this case, both. You have a choice in this - Stop fucking following me. I will not beg, nor will I apologize. I make no secret of what I will say nor how I will say it. And 349 other people seem to get a kick out of it.

Take your lonely ass back to momma's basement and call me when you get a clue. I'll be over here at the smart kids table taking time to understand what I'm seeing, not just someone who douses their drawers when dreamy Derrek Lee hits a ball a long, long way.

Ring ring

You get a phone cal out of the blue and there's your old friend on the other end of the line, hoping to catch up with you. Hey! Whatcha been doing?

Well, we picked up a new centerfielder. Seems like a good guy. Great with kids and the best part is, his mom doesn't take interviews. We also brought back all the oldies-but-goodies, Zambrano, Lee, Ramirez, you know. The whole gang.

We miss Jake, but there's this new guy Tyler. He's a real spark plug. He put on 25 pounds over the winter, just like uncle Morty, but in an entirely different, and much less scary way. He's been hitting the bejezus out of the ball. We're not POSITIVE he can hit a curveball, but we'll find out soon enough.

We've got some new kids, John and Ezmiralda or something like that. They'll be just fine, but a little...oh let's say raw. They looked really good pitching against those first graders in AZ, so we're sure they'll be fine. How are you?

"Oh, me? Good. Making fudge."

Right.

Sleep deprived predictions and other sheep.

Baaaa...Yeah I'm freakin' tired. Couldn't sleep last night. That may skew my results and if it does, 75% of these were slated to be wrong anyway, so fahrfugnugen.

The Cubs will be an annoyingly average team this year and pound out 86 wins which will not do the job in the NL Central. The Cubs will finish 2nd in the division and 5th in the Wild Card and 12 in Miss Congeniality.

Derrek Lee will get off to his typically slow start and there will be calls for Kevin Millar to replace him except Millar will already have signed with the White Sox beacuse, well, f*ck the Cubs. Teases...

Aramis will spend approximately 36 days on the DL after his shoulder grabs a random lamp he's passing by and smacks him in the shins with it. The shoulder will receive probation and community service.

The "New" Z will spend 6 1/2 - no, not days - innings with his new persona until Soriano commits his first error of the season at around 5:00 CST in Atlanta, and then go completely Bat-Sh*t crazy for the rest of the season. He will win 26 games and come in second for Cy Young voting to Mark Grace who will pitch one perfect inning of relief during a 21 - 3 loss in a Father-Son game.

On a related note, Zambrano will also start a twitter account, @crazierthanOzzie and will pull a hamstring while tweeting about Wonder Years reruns.

Marlon Byrd will be driven out of town - by a chauffeur - whenever he flies. But that really won't make news so forget I mentioned it.

Tyler (not Durden) makes the roster.

Boy, wouldn't it be just all sunshine and roses if Tyler Colvin didn't sit on the bench for a week before he got one pinch hit opportunity and then another week, etc. You would like to think that Colvin would be able to be rotated in and out of the lineup and that all 4 outfielders would play nice, but that just won't happen.

There is no way Colvin starts 2 games per week, barring an injury or trade - hey, we can dream. Now will this turn out to be ultimately bad for the kid? Who knows. I can't imagine it'll be great. Will it irrevocably damage him or launch him into stardom? Neither will probably happen but I would argue that damage is infinitely more likely.

In a perfect world, Colvin could rotate in once for each starter once per week or every other week or so. Actually, I take that back. In a perfect world, Colvin learns to play second base, but that's another conversation.

Let's hope this roster move is more Gordon Beckham than it is Corey Patterson.

Hold on! Wait! I have an idea!

Seeing as how we're a two team radio station, let's get rid of sports talk! Yeah. There's an idea. Sounds idiotic right? Well that's just what WGN is doing -

WGN-AM recasts Kaplan as 'sports insider,' gives Laski 'Sports Central' slot

First, the y get rid of weekend sports central which, at times, tempted me to leave work early to listen. Now, weekday Sports Central. But don't worry. Kapper will still be there as a talking muppet during postgame. That is until he wakes up and heads over to ESPN or the Score.

Look, I wasn't a Kathy and Judy fan. In fact I sustained many injuries diving for the radio to turn it off. But this latest trend to turn WGN into controversial radio is just ridiculous. My DAD listens to FM radio now since Pig Vomit took over. My Dad. Until recently, I'm not sure my father realized the dial on the radio turned, WGN was such a mainstay in his truck - even Kathy and Judy lord only knows why.

Feeling the loss.

Ok. I'm a little miffed. I have stuck out my neck on a few occasions over the past few months to defend Paul Sullivan a.k.a. @PWSullivan a.k.a. What the fuck are you blocking me for??. And all that was turned on its head today by a simple little message on twitter:

"This user has blocked you from following them."

So I got curious...what could I have possibly said to add myself to the illustrious ranks of A League of Her Own, Another Cubs Blog, etc who Paul thinks don't like him?

So I went back over my Twitter feed for two months and here is my list of atrocities:

Please @PWSullivan, please stop writing about MB so every other blogger in the city can stop writing about how much they hate you. - 11:24 AM Mar 10th

Yeah we're pretty sure Lou will be managing in April too. RT @PWSullivan: Oz sez Lou will return to Cubs in 2010: http://bit.ly/bdDxHo 1:58 PM Mar 6th

@PWSullivan Tell Lou, at this point, we don't care who he hits like, just so long as he hits the damn ball. 7:46 AM Feb 27th

History is written by the winners. RT @PWSullivan: Hendry says arbitration battle vs. Theriot wasn't "adversarial." 10:40 AM Feb 20th

Bastards.. RT @PWSullivan: ESPN Classic now showing Game 6 Cubs-Marlins for Valentine's Day Heartbreakers Marathon 5:16 PM Feb 14th

@PWSullivan Do you really think it's appropriate to refer to a player on the team you cover as "The Riot"?? #tongueplantedfirmlyincheek 11:21 AM Feb 4th

@doc_blume @PWSullivan So what? Neither can Silva. 6:31 PM Feb 3rd in reply to doc_blume

# Reading/listening to @thekapman or @PWSullivan is like watching Michael Moore. As long as you go into it knowing there's an agenda... 11:02 PM Feb 1st

All due respect but WTFE RT @Aisle424: RT @anothercubsblog: Paul Sullivan is a liar http://ow.ly/1nXL19 10:38 PM Feb 1st

I'm just curious as to which on got me the hatchet? My guess is one of the two most recent -

Please @PWSullivan, please stop writing about MB so every other blogger in the city can stop writing about how much they hate you. - 11:24 AM Mar 10th

Yeah we're pretty sure Lou will be managing in April too. RT @PWSullivan: Oz sez Lou will return to Cubs in 2010: http://bit.ly/bdDxHo 1:58 PM Mar 6th

Here's the thing Chicken Little. Every time PW writes anything about Milton Bradley, a lot of bloggers that I follow go completely ApeSh*t and go off on another tangent about how PW is a horrible man and a horrible reporter, blah blah blah blah. Dude. I was just sick of reading about it.

The other reference - maybe it was a typo, but you're a reporter. You report to thousands of people. Someone's gonna call you on it. You said Lou will be managing in 2010. IT IS 2010!

I have done nothing but support PW and his right to say whatever her wants because I recognize that there's an agenda there. Most of the time his quips are funny, so I ran with it, even if it did stretch the limits of what might be considered respectable journalism in some circles. But now I'm blocked. WTF? I guess to say Paul Sullivan is thin skinned would be like saying Hitler wasn't a very nice guy.

Well guess what Paully. You jsut became my new twitter crash test dummy. I can't read ya. But I CAN reply to ya.

I Think You Are Underestimating The Amount Of Sneakiness Sir

Hey everyone guess what? Baseball's coming! It's really sneaking up on us this year. It's being Vewy vewy qwiet. Maybe it's the Blackhawks heading toward the playoffs (which I'm actually following for the first time). Maybe it's the snow on the ground. Maybe it's because there are really very few compelling stories in Spring Training this year. Whatever it is, I'm having trouble coming to grips with the fact that Baseball is 15 days away. This time last year, I was halfway through my 2009 roster breakdown. Which reminds me I should probably get going on that.

It's just one of those springs where it's just sneaking by and we're completely unaware. Or at least I am.

It could also have to do with the fact that I have no high hopes, nor low hopes for this season. I'm not really looking forward to watching a .500 team play 162 games....again. Cuz it was such a joy last year...

Bullpen? Who needs it?

Because I'm sure all of our starters will go deep into every game, you know like they used to.....back.....in the.......60's....

Anyway. Guzman's shoulder has finally packed its bags and headed home, dragging Angel behind it, so we're left with a more scary version of our bullpen including Marmol, Grabow, Caridid (for a couple weeks anyway), Marshall, and...and....Crap...

I hold out hope for John Grabow - maybe not 4 million dollars of hope, but hope. He did a pretty good job with the club last year after his acquisition. Caridad is making a good show of himself in camp this year, but it's Spring training in Arizona - not exactly a good guage for a set up man. Oh Jimmy why did you not get Putz or Capps. Either one of them would be a welcome addition to what we have now. Eh well. I'm sure it will contribute to what is destined to be a frustratingly boring and uninspired 84 win season.

But I still can't wait for baseball to start!

Chicago was a perfect fit for MB

So everyone in the world has been saying that Chicago was not the best fit for Milton. I disagree. I think Chicago was the perfect place for Milton. Here's why:

Chicago has a lot of media and fans who will listen to the sh*t dribbling out of his mouth. Heck, even now that he's gone, he's still getting airwaves on Chicago's dime. The NY Post, or Times, or whatever (it's all F'ing New York), and now ESPN are giving Milton the opportunity to continue to spout his drivel, because in Seattle, no one pays attention long enough to care. What Milton didn't realize was, he blew his load too soon.

He had a full three years to spout, and could've gone on unabated if he'd just paced himself. Ya know? Year one could've been about how uncomfortable he was, then year two, he could've brought up how no one in the club house likes him. By year three, his walk year, he could've brought up the racist hype and honestly, even after he resigned somewhere else with someone who could "change" him, he would've so incensed the crowd here he could've ridden that train until 2020 - on 20/20 no less.

Too bad we missed all that...

Spring training....meh

So Spring Training games are here at last. Words cannot express how happy I am that we can all watch and listen to live baseball again. Words cannot express it, because I simply do not care. These games don't mean anything, and I frankly stress myself out enough during the regular season, so when it comes to Spring training, I really, really don't care. Hang on. Let me try to care.

Nope. Not working. I care about Spring Training games just a hair more than rugby games in the outback between two aboriginal tribes. The only, small, incomprehensible way this affects my life in the slightest is that now the Cubs reporters are back to their full time jobs so there's more to read and digest. But honestly, I won't care until April. That's when I go all in. Wait. I think I feel some excitement building....nope false alarm. Burrito....

Maybe they won't be so bad....

Ok, let's be clear about something. The 2010 Chicago Cubs will not suck. Not like Pirates or Royals kind of sucking anyway. Cubs fans, we loves our dramas. So while we all curse and rail that this team will be so bad, yeah well, they could be worse. Far worse.

So let's be realists here. The Cubs are looking to be a probably slightly higher than .500 team at this point. And that's probably the worst of it. Not so bad that we get to really complain about it (not with any real leg to stand on anyway), but not good enough to overtake the Cardinals or possibly the Boo-hoo Crew. Our 2010 Cubbies are probably gonna be ridiculously average. And that's the really sad part. Expectations are so high after 2003, 2007, and 2008, that the "average" that would've been welcome relief in the 80's and 90's is torture in the 2000's.

I'd write more, but I'm tired and need a nap....

Zambrano's fuse....

A couple of other folks have sounded off on this piece by Danny McWhackadoodle of Chicago Tribune and WSOX fame.

Ok first of all, Danny Mac does not (nor anyone else at the southside radio station) keep secret about his baseball allegiance in this town. I can only imagine the whiplash caused by the double take when McNeal handed this piece to his editor - "You're writing about what?"

While we're on the subject, Dan McNeil ranting about someone else's temper is like Hitler saying "I don't know, that's a little harsh." Maybe we shouldn't be listening to the guy that was both suspended and fired by a certain other sports radio station within a year.

You want tantrums and general stupidity Danny? I'd suggest you tune into WSOX from 9-1 every weekday.

Today is the day!

All the off-season moves, the excitement, the wonder, the Wrigley renovations, it's all so mesmerizing. It's inspired my wife and I to plan our summer very carefully and map out everything we want to see from this year. It's so exciting and so motivating. I've got my two computers here. I'm pushing for a personal best 120 virtual waiting rooms. Everything is ready. Everything is planned for our....

2 games.

Spring is in the air...So the hell what?

This is my obligatory "Pitchers and Catchers" blog posting - everyone needs one. So here's mine. Since it's officially time to look forward to the season, here's what I'm looking forward to.

A completely forgettable season. There won't be any controversy, no great events, no horrible events. The Cubs will probably finish second or third, or whatever ain't first. There will be highs and lows. A walk-off against the Cardinals. A walk off by the Cardinals. The Sox will make us grab our ankles when they show up with Peavy, Buehrle (or whoever you spell his name - how about Bueller?), Danks, Damon, Quentin, etc.

People will talk and rant about how Zambrano is a nut case, he needs to be traded, Lee should be traded, Theriot should be traded, where's Castro, what the hell is Castro doing here, we miss the Hoff, blah blah. We will search for something to get excited about - good or bad - and the best we'll come up with will be something Carlos Silva's mom says.

Gonna be boring folks. Strap in and enjoy the virtually flat ride.

But in the meantime, here's some obscenity-laced Metallica for you:

Not so much "Presale" as it is a "sale"

The Cubs announced recently that fans will have the "opportunity" to purchase individual game tickets before everyone else during their "pre-sale" starting February 15th at 10am and going through noon on Feb 18th. For the privilege of buying tickets before everyone else, you need only pay 20% above face value. Ok - a couple of things:

1. If everyone can buy tickets during the "pre-sale", it's a SALE. Just call it what it is. There's not unique opportunity here. Everyone is invited. If you want the good seats, you gotta pay the good prices.

2. There's a business model that generates profit by inflating ticket prices of good seats and selling them above face value. It's called "scalping". Once again call it what it is.

Long story short - either fans are getting screwed or fans are getting screwed. Either you pay the inflated prices for the good games. Or you pay the regular prices for the games nobody cares about. Oh wait, they already have that in the tier system. So wait. I'm confused.

Long story short, I've only heard about the Cubs doing this which means they're the only franchise with the balls to try and pull it off. It's sad that withholding my money is the only way to protest which only means I'm depriving myself of the experience while 20,000,000 other lackeys step into my place.

I fought the law, and I won....

I apologize to all my readers, er ok, both my readers, but this is neither "one minute" nor Cubs.

Shawn Wasson, a.k.a. "The News Junkie" was broadcasting his usual show on Saturday morning. He was reporting a story in which a principal sent a student home for wearing the wrong jersey to school. According to Wasson, The principal singled the student out in class, berated the student publicly, then denied the student his education by sending him home for supporting the wrong team. He and I needed to have a chat - Email sent:

Greetings News Junkie,

I happened across your radio program on my lunch break earlier, and unfortunately, did not have time to call in - 30 minutes just isn't as long as it used to be. You were discussing the merits of a principal sending home a 17 year old student for wearing a Colts jersey on Black and Gold day. So I found the following story, and wanted to comment on your position:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,584975,00.html?test=latestnews

First of all, while requiring student to wear uniforms is not a popular stance among the students, one could easily argue that wearing standard uniforms in an academic environment is considered a normal practice by schools across the country. The theories behind adherence to a dress code range from child safety to student focus on curriculum. Whether or not the practice of a dress code policy is right or not is not in question here. The problem comes when the school relaxes those policies for whatever reason.

According to the news article, "A Livingston Parish School Board member said Frost wasn't sent home, but was told he couldn't wear the blue jersey at school. Keith Martin, whose district includes Maurepas, said the school uniform had been relaxed only for black and gold."

Please note the two phrases - "Frost wasn't sent home" and "the school uniform had been relaxed only for black and gold". It is not uncommon for schools to allow "Dress down days" or similar practices for special events such as fundraisers, sports teams, school spirit, etc. In this case, the school relaxed their policies to support the New Orleans Saints team in the Super bowl. The school did not require any student to wear the Saints' colors. It offered them the option.

The article goes on -
"According to Martin, a friend of Brandon Frost's had asked Vampran on Thursday whether Brandon could wear a Colts jersey, and had been told "no."" - self explanatory

"During a class on Thursday, Frost said, he talked about his plans to wear his jersey rather than Saints colors. He said the teacher warned him he'd get in trouble." - Self explanatory. He's been told no twice.

"Larry Frost said he didn't know about that when Brandon asked Thursday whether he could wear the jersey. He said he told his son to come home if he was hassled too much." - Sounds like Dad is the one sending him home.

"Brandon Frost said Vampran called him out of his first class Friday and told him, "I don't recall saying you could wear a Colts jersey on Black-and-Gold Day."" - 100% accurate. The Principal did not say the student could wear "any jersey". - Please note "Called him out of his class" - he did not confront the student in front of other students as you suggested on your show.

""He started to get angry with me," Frost said. "I thought I remember him saying, 'If you like Indiana so much, why don't you go back?"'" What? You mean a principal got upset when a student - who had already been told he was wrong twice - started mouthing off to him about a jersey. I particularly like the sentence "I thought I remember him saying..." You mean as opposed to "You're going to have to change shirts"?

Then Dad, decides to call the ACLU about this affront to his son's free speech. This isn't free speech. This is a t-shirt. This is a dress code. Even the ACLU doesn't want to take that one on.

I could frankly go on and on, but at the end of the day, when you send your child to school, you are not buying "an education". You are paying for the teachers to dispense knowledge at a facility. This facility has rules and regulations for a reason. Flagrant disregard of these rules make for a hostile learning environment. Teachers have a hard enough time teaching. Telling 17 year old kids that they do not have to honor those rules that are put place to facilitate learning only leads to a breakdown in the learning process - more so than asking a kid to change his shirt or go home.

I am willing to concede that perhaps the principal did say the remark about going back to Indiana, only because as the article state, he acknowledged that he should not have done so. If so, that was wrong. But not ACLU wrong. However inappropriate, I can only guess what equally inappropriate/downright offensive things the student in questions must've said in the exchange. You'll notice those quotes were left out of the paper.

Bottom line: even if this dress code policy was not written down or set in stone, two things remain clear:
1. The student was told no, 2 1/2 times. Twice in school, and one half when the father admitted that there may be trouble. While he didn't say it wasn't allowed, granting permission to come home if there's trouble seems to be at least a tacit acknowledgement that this is not - for lack of better words - "a good idea"

2. The student clearly violated the spirit of the rule. Black and gold day was clearly meant to celebrate the home town's team and their accomplishment. Not only did the student violate that rule, he completely went in the opposite direction. I somehow think that if the students were told to wear school colors, and this student wore something not in the school colors and he were sent home, this would not be an issue.

This was a 17 year old kid flagrantly violating a rule, and being allowed to do so by his parents, the neighborhood, the newspaper, and the ACLU. Clearly THAT is the wrong message to be sending - not "my team is better than yours".

Hey you, Ryan, yeah you. Come here....

What are you an idiot? Sullivan might think so. (couldn't resist) You're going up against the Cubs in arbitration? Did you know I'm a psychic? You're gonna lose. Badly. And you'll be a not-so-happy-go-lucky plucky, scrappy little infielder. You'll be a bitter angry upset little infielder and you'll still have a rag arm, but you won't be as aww-shucks-like.

Don't get me wrong kid - you're kinda cute in a "I won't throw the puppy out in the cold unless he chews my mattress" kinda way. But beyond that, you're a slap hitter and an average fielder. Not exactly the gateway to Jeterdom ya know?

So lighten up kid. You're gonna lose, and lose bad. Take whatever bone the Cubs are throwin' ya and run away like a bandit, because that is probably the best steal you'll get all year without being picked off.

This is yet another example of the written word that I wish could be spoken word because it comes off in my head so much better than it looks.

An open letter to WGN RE: Steve Cochran

Dear WGN,

This Blackhawks season has brought to light something that concerns me. Something that I'm afraid will continue into the Cubs season. It seems whenever a sports team who broadcasts on WGN has a game following Steve's show, for whatever reason Steve Cochran is given the go-ahead to broadcast remotely from that location. It would seem that along with that permission also comes permission to drink heavily, become an ass, and generally become less funny than he is on a normal night - no easy feat.

Just why Steve is given the green-light to drink like a catholic priest just before a courtroom appearance while on the air is a mystery, but when the listener can't tell who's further under the table - the host, or Bobby Hull - that's a problem.

Since we're on the topic, if there's any other way to reduce the frequency of the daily 6:30 "Steve's not-as-funny-as-me friends" segments featuring Patti Vasquez and Mark DeCarlo or the bi-weekly Wine "Diva" visits with the same dipsh*ts calling and asking the same dipsh*t questions ("No you should not drink the red wine that's been sitting in your attic since 1692.") it'd be very much appreciated.

I'd go on, but Steve just said something that made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Love,
OMC

Wild speculation and random thoughts...

Dear Jim Hendry,

I write this letter to you without any specific information, leads, or frankly knowledge, but for what it's worth...

Bakernot, aka the Baker/Fontenot combo is not a good enough second baseman for a team hoping to win a championship, which if I remember correctly, is on your to-do list. One name that is out there that remains a very viable option is switch hitting Orlando Hudson. You remember him - the second baseman for the Dodgers who went to the playoffs the last two years? Anyway, he would be a very good left handed option for a very right handed hitting team. Not that lefty/righty matters, and the fact that he is a switch hitter is not why you should sign him. The fact that he's better than FonteBake is why you should sign him.

You mentioned a desire to add a veteran reliever to the bullpen. You can still accomplish this by trading the now-unemployed Fontenot, and the un-utilized Jeff Samardawhosits, and perhaps several hundred other young pitchers waiting in the minors since inexplicably that seems to be the only position farm system employs.

Anyway, that's about all I have to say here. Seems like if you have only one signing left in you, make it a significant upgrade, not another piece of a puzzle that already has too many pieces.

Love,
OMC and just about everyone else.

Blackhawks Game Twitter Feed

This is just a collection of twitter updates from when I went to the Blackhawks Game on Dec 27th - A dramatic last minute win over the Predators. I've been asked about it, so I thought I'd consolidate. Hey, I'm a Hawks fan too...

Going to the #Blackhawks game tonight, courtesy of my BIL - 9 rows back from the glass. Will update frequently 2nite. Stay tuned.
11:37 AM Dec 27th, 2009 from web

@aleagueofherown I'll make sure to snap off a few twit pics for you all.
11:41 AM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitterGadget in reply to aleagueofherown

http://twitpic.com/vicgr - Ticket = awesome
5:11 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitPic

http://twitpic.com/vicsy - The view from the seats.
5:13 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitPic

http://twitpic.com/vid7f - Damn...that goal is small. Another view from the seat
5:15 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitPic

http://twitpic.com/vif7m - It's a Madhouse....Or so they claim....It's a Madhouse.....I'm insaaaaaaaane!
5:28 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitPic

http://twitpic.com/vifzl - Hawks take the field...er...ice...Still getting used to this whole hockey thing
5:33 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitPic

http://twitpic.com/vih1q - #NIN at a #Blackhawks game....sweet.
5:39 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitPic

http://twitpic.com/vijjj - Asked my BIL if he wanted to trade seats with me. Not surprisingly he said yes...
5:55 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitPic

For those of you on a quest to find seats narrower than the ones at Wrigley - found 'em
5:57 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

Games on. It's.....quiet.
6:10 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

http://twitpic.com/vim4s - Hell of a show so far. Game hasn't evwn started yet. Niemi in goal.
6:11 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitPic

http://twitpic.com/vimkm - Vince Vaughn drops the first puck.
6:14 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitPic

I guess 20,000 people don't make that much noise anymore...
6:20 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

For as loud as this place is during the national anthem - and I'm all for tradition don't get me wrong- I'm sitting in a freakin library now
6:32 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

1-1 going into the first intermission. Good times
6:40 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

http://twitpic.com/viwfi - Parking is a b*tch down at the U C
7:15 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitPic

Neither team is controlling the puck very well. Preds up 2-1
7:16 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

http://twitpic.com/viyd5 - There's my excuse to be tweeting all this - Ryno's here!
7:28 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitPic

2nd intermission. Still down 2-1. I suspect this will only be temporary.
7:35 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

It just occurred to me that my 3 year old son will be driving by the time Duncan Keith's contract is up
7:41 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

http://twitpic.com/vj2c8 - Faceoff before the #Blackhawks start the powerplay
7:55 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitPic

Maddon ties it in a breakaway goal! 2-2
7:56 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

#Blackhawks on the power play. 10 min remaining
8:01 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

http://twitpic.com/vj3wa - Another action shot of the #Blackhawks whiffing on the Power Play
8:05 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitPic

Hat's in hand just waiting for Maddon's third. #Blackhawks up 3-2
8:07 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

Damn Power Play only lasted 15 seconds. #Blackhawks up 4-2
8:09 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

Predators blow goats, but still manage to score. #Blackhawks up 4-3
8:13 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

Argh. 4-4
8:13 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

Patrick Kane's 2nd goal is the game winner. 45 seconds not enough for Preds to come back
8:23 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

The hunters become the hunted #Blackhawks win 5 - 4
8:27 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

http://twitpic.com/vj7o4 - Patrick Kane is the #Blackhawks number 1 star of the game
8:29 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitPic

http://twitpic.com/vj7uk - Crowd goes apesh*t and gets a craving for Amstel on Maddon's second goal. #Blackhawks up 3-2
8:30 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitPic

Leaving the #Blackhawks game. Phew. Great game.
8:38 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from txt

Seeing the #Blackhawks win so dramatically tonight allowed me to forget how freakin' miserable I'll be come April...
10:23 PM Dec 27th, 2009 from TwitterGadget

Great game.....

The Cubs conventions is here.

Yay. Now we get to sit in on panels and lsiten to players and management explain why Marlon Byrd and Carlos Silva are the biggest moves that will happen. Yay. Of course, I won't be there. I gotta work. But heck someone will be there and someone will be listening. Most will probably be happy, brimming with optimism because the Mistake is finally gone. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with the circumstances of his departure. But gall-dern this season is going to suck big donkey balloons.

I'll be meeting up with some of my tweeps tonight at Kitty O'Shea's restaurant in the Hilton. So that part won't suck......


....probably.

Say it ain't so, Mark. We'd know you were lying, but still

Mark McGuire came out yesterday and told everyone in the world that the sky is blue. No wait. He confessed the shocking revelation the cigarettes are bad for you. Actually, come to think of it, he said he used steriods - You can understand how it'd get all these common-knowledge type facts confused. But here's the worst part about the tearful confession of Mark's last night.

We listened.

Why did anyone waste the resources to put a camera in front of this head-inflated buffoon and give him yet another 15 minutes? Are we that desparate for another Jose Canseco interview? Has this offseason been so ridiculously boring with the Curtis Granderson deal being the top story that we need another 12 weeks of steroids talk? C'mon MLB network. When Marty McGuire called you and said, "I want to confess about using steroids", why was your answer anything but "Get back to us when you have something newsworthy"?

Just one final thought - Hey Albert. Don't let this guy touch you.

Hawk in the Hall and other alliterations...

Andre Dawson was annouced today as the only inductee in today's vote for the Baseball Hall of Fame. Some notable exclusions include Roberto Alomar and Burt Blylevin. This is by the way, the only commentary you'll hear today about the HoF induction. Andre Dawson actually making it in is the afterthought. But of course, he played for the Cubs and will probably be wearing the hat of a team that no longer exists, or the pariah of the national sports media scene.

The exclamation point to this absurdidty came from the Boers and Bernstein show (hereafter referred to as "dipshit and dork") on WSOX. One caller called in with the audactiy to question the lofty D&D's derision of Dawson's induction, and was promptly screamed at, in typical D&D fashion and hung up on. Finally, Bernstein made the comment that the Hall of Fame "no longer has any meaning" to him and how "they'll let anybody in". Excuse me, but Mark McGuire and Manny Ramirez tend to disagree.

Now I apologize that no White Sox players worthy of induction retired up to 20 years ago, let alone 5, but still, please just acknowledge a great player and go on with your pointless Bears ramblings about a new offensive coordinator and the same ineffective line.

All we are saying....Is give Byrd a chance....

Ok folks. We know Marlon isn't Johnny Damon, or Jason Bay, or Mike Cameron. We get that. Marlon should never have been at the top of the off-season wish list. Even when he was signed, he was not the best FA on the market that could help this team. Having said all that however, he is now a Cub. So let's give him a chance.

As good as he won't be, he also, hopefully, won't be too bad. He's going to put up average numbers, and probably, just a touch below average defense. Come to terms with that now. Jim Hendry is a fool if he does not realize.....oh wait...skip that. We already know he's a fool.

So please. No booing. No ripping on the guy because he didn't run down that gapper or because he only hit 12 home runs in 2010. That is what you're going to get. Under normal circumstances, we could celebrate getting a decent player for decent salary. Unfortunately, the decent salary is all we had left, so there's no room for other, cough cough, Tejada, cough improvements. Buckle in Marlon - it's going to be a long summer.

Jim Hendry flips the Byrd to Chicago

I'm really just posting this because I didn't want to be scooped on the headline. MAybe in a bit, I'll have something substantive to write. For now, while I believe Marlon Byrd will be an upgrade over the "Fuld/Colvin/Johnson" alternative, I still beleive that money is getting used up where it should be put toward Hudson or Tejada, each of which would be more of an upgrade over Baker/Fontenot/Theriot.

In the meantime though, I have an awesome headline, so I'll be content with that.

I just don't get it

So I was thinking to myself - why are people so up in arms about this Bradley thing that they're upset that we traded him for Silva? So I tried to put an argument together. See boths sides. I could see people rightly thinking that, unlike Silva, Bradley has a much better chance of producing, the Cubs are a statistically weaker team now, and over the past two years, Bradley at his worst far surpassed Silva at his best. Good arguments. But there's one thing that fans don't seem to get but 29 other GM's knew for a fact.

Bradley would never ever do anythi ng productive while wearing a Cubs uniform. Ever. Done. Dead man walking. The ship has sailed. There are too many burned bridges. Actually they weren't burned. They were nuclear testing grounds. Only vapor is left.

Let's say the entire city of Chicago got a mega dose of prozac and was suddenly totally cool with him. Hendry, the Ricketts, the fans, the other Cubs players all said "Hey man, it's cool." What exactly - be specific and cite your sources - about Bradley's personalityt makes you think he's the forgive and forget type? Give me one shred of evidence. I dare you. HE was just as done with us, as we were with him. And nothing Jimmy did would ever convince anyone - fans, team, other GM's included - that this was not the case. No bluffing, no signing big deals, no throwing fatted calfs over the castle walls. Nothing.

You cannot complain that he's still here, then complain when he's gone. You only get to complain about one or the other. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get Marlon Byrd's welcome reception ready...

P.S. Jim - don't make me put up the "Hudson Watch" in 2010.

Dumb A$$ Things People Have Said About the Cubs 2010 Season

Like our predecessor, constantly updated:

Quote: Hendry on Bradley: "No one could have really predicted how it turned out." Except of course, you know, everybody...

Headline: "Wild 2009 left Cubs looking to recharge" - Yeah, ok. We'll say 'Wild'

1/1 - Headline: "Ten questions facing the Cubs in 2010" Only ten?

1/10 - Headline: "Cubs sign LaHair" - Who gives LaCrap?

1/11 - Headline: Maddux joins Cubs as assistant to GM - Boy won't that be awkward when he wears a Braves hat to the Hall while working for the Cubs

1/21 - Headline: "Ex-Cub Edmonds confirms desire to play again" cough cough Brett-Favre cough

2/13 - Headline: "Hendry: Bad start doomed Bradley" No, birth doomed him.

2/28 - Headline: "Cubs' farm system starting to bear fruit" What's the big deal? It's been producing a bunch of lemons for years!

4/10 - Zambrano on yesterday's game "Basically, it was my first start..." Except, you know, it wasn't. (via @PWSullivan)

4/14 - Headline: "4/14 Soriano: "I like to play nine innings" - Well, we like to win games so you're sh*t outta luck. (via @CarrieMuskat)

4/24 - Headline: "More Milton Bradley: 'I'm as non-violent, non-threatening as they come'" - If by 'non-violent' you mean 'dickhead' then I agree.

5/6 - Headline: Ramirez back hitting fifth in lineup - Well, "hitting" is debatable...

5/16 - Headline: D-Lee: 'We don't come out here everyday to lose' - Damn, that's the one thing I thought you were good at.

6/1 - Headline: Piniella on Cubs' shakeup: 'Too much patience is stupidity' - God you're stupid

6/2 - Headline: Santo in good spirits after going to hospital - Funny, we were in good spirits that he went to the hospital (and was off the air)

6/29 - Headline: "Cubs look to Lilly to deliver win against Pirates" Maybe you should look to Theriot/Lee/Byrd/Soriano/Colvin/Ramirez/Soto/Castro ?

7/12 - Headline: "Cubs, Silva close first half with thud in LA" - I'd say more like a wet squishy splat like a bag full of poop, but ok.

7/16 - Headline: "Cubs send message in rout of Phillies" - Yeah like 'We can hit the crap out of senior citizens'

Buh bye Milt Buh bye

So there's dancing in the streets of Chicago because the Mistake is gone. Yes we're getting Carlos "look at the pretty ball fly away" Silva. But we're also getting $9 million from the M's. Really? That's a $6 million profit. Yes this will likely turn out bad. But really, anyone who thought this Milt saga would end with anyone in Chicago smiling was a foolish fool who never fooled a fool. Like even more foolish that Jim Hendry.

Trading Milt for anything without eating his entire contract was a plus. We actually made $6 million on the deal. As far as I'm concerned that's brilliant! Not exactly Eric Karros for Todd Hundley, but pretty damn close.

Jim, you have not even come close to redeeming yourself in anyone's eyes. But you managed to turn a ridiculously huge clusterf*ck and turn it into a really stupidly big mistake. That is an upgrade for those keeping score.

Now go get a centerfielder, middle infielder and a bullpen arm.

Here's what I'd do

For what it's worth - The Cubs need to bolster shortstop/second base, center field, and get an arm in the bull pen. Marlon Byrd is the best option for center field. So really, there are no options for center field. A quick look at the 2010 FA roster, Capps is the best option. So really, there are no options for the bullpen.

Which leaves us second base. There is one guy left on my wish list for second base, and that would be Orlando Hudson. As mentioned earlier, Orlando Hudson is basically a switch hitting Freddie Sanchez. at 283/.357/.417/.774, he's an upgrade over Fontenot and Baker, and he adds balance to the lineup.

One other thought - Miguel Tejada. After a slow start last year, he really picked it up after the first couple of months. He's a decent power bat, and he allows a move by Theriot over to second base - a more natural position for him.

One last thing: Signing the aging Tejada to a short deal - 1-2 years - would allow him to keep the spot warm for dreamy Starlin Castro who will undoubtedly revolutionize the way shortstops play. Tejada can also move over to thrid base when, er I mean if, Ramirez goes does, or worse, opts out of his contract at the end of this season.

Just a thought....

Salary Capp?

Gotta love these contradictory back-to-back posts. No more pitchers followed by, hey, let's sign a pitcher!. Matt Capps was not offered a contract by the Pirates. Capps was the Pirates "closer" (in quotes, because c'mon a closer of the Pirates??) and he could be a good plan B after Marmol. In the meantime, he'd be a serviceable addition to the late innings incase Guzman surgically detaches his arm again.

Then again, having Grabow, Capps, and Gorzalanny all on the same pitching staff didn't work out so well for them. I'd view this as a similar situation to Putz. Make an offer in the neighborhood of 1.5-2 mil with an incentive or two, and Viola, there's your non-threatening-to-Marmol-backup-closer. Or in other words, Kevin Gregg II.

Toodles!

Not Another one...

Headline: "Cubs trade for minor-league pitcher" Thank God. We don't have NEARLY enough of those.

Seriously. How many minor league pitchers do we need? It seems like, if a starting 8 player goes down, there's panic - who's going to play 1st if Lee goes down? Well, we could move Baker to third, put Aramis at short, have Soriano stand on his head.... but if a pitcher goes down, it's more like - no big deal, we'll just decide between these 16 kids all ready to come up. I know the old saying is, 'You can never have too much pitching' but c'mon guys. We paid 10 million dollars for a minor league pitcher with less innings pitched than Mark Grace.

Enough is enough. Now I know why everyone is so excited about Starlin Castro - he doesn't stand on a mound...

Winter meeting wrapup.

According to Musky the Cub: @CarrieMuskat: #cubs leave Winter Meetings with Milton still on roster. Hendry did talk to agents about FA CFs such as Byrd, Ankiel, Podsednik,

So whoopie. The Yankees get Granderson. Rich Harden said Ta-ta for less money than arbitration would've given him. And the Cubbies puleld off the biggest coup by doing absolutely dick. Methinks we are starting to see what Jimmy the Troll is capable of when his precious checkbook is taken away. And that adds up to a big fat nothing.

Seriously Jim. You had ONE job to do while you were there. Stop quibbling and just take Pat Burrell. Send Tampa all the money they want. Or, use my idea.

Didn't think I was serious about that did ya?

Did you hear that cry?

It was right around dinner time when our beloved Jake Fox packed his bags for Oakland. Unbeknownst to Oakland, inside Jake's handbag, was Aaron Miles. Jake was of course the only reason Oakland agreed to take on Miles. Well, that and their only other viable option at Shortstop is Bobby Crosby - that's a tough call.

Fox burst on the scene back in July-ish and was known for a solid bat, and less-than-solid-more-of-a-mucus-consistency glove. Unfortunately, like the All-State guy back in the 80's, couldn't hit a breaking ball to save his soul. So, overall no big loss. We got a bullpen arm back in the deal - Jeff Gray, who supposedly has a Guzman-like arm - only this one stays attached.

End of the day, we gave up a DH and a bad second baseman. I can live with that. Now all we have to do is unload the Mistake.

Cubs say "No Thanks" to another dominant pitcher.

So the Cubs passed on Arb for the following players -
Kevin Gregg - Heck, he's lucky we didn't shoot him, let alone take a pass on him.
Reed Johnson - On the fence for this one, but honestly Sam Fuld will do a passable job of 4th OF. So no big deal
Rich Harden - I don't get this one at all. Granted he's an injury risk, but I will remind you once more, Richy didn't even think of the DL until the last two weeks of the season. Frankly, I think that was more a ploy to scare off other teams. There was no reason to not offer him Arb this year, just as there was no reason to not offer Wood arb last year. Worst case - he accepts and you pay 8 mil - below market value - for a solid #1/#2 rotation guy.

Damn. That would suck.

We promise - they're NOT windscreens!

Headline: Cubs install sign boards in Wrigley Field bleachers as part of dispute with local casino

In the Windscreens, take 2 saga, the Cubs have erected advertising boards in the left field bleachers. This is in accordeance with Tom Rickett's promise to emulate Boston in generating revenue with signboards. Ok cool. But these signboards happen to fall driectly in the line of sight from every camera to the Budweiser, er I mean horseshoe casino building across the way. And guess what - Good. Screw the rooftops.

I remember seeing pictures of a time when watching a game at Wrigley "from the rooftop" meant a bar-b-que and a deck chair. Now, they have reinfocred roofs, gates, ushers, security, and a freakin' petting zoo. I'm frankly sick of these money grubbers stealing the Cubs product. At least now there's revenue sharing between the rooftops and the Cubs. So, horseshoe - you're screwed. Guy who bought the Horseshoe building - you're screwed. The Cubs have sent a definitive message. We will not allow an immoral act to be advertised during our games. And we mean gambling, not drinking. Drinking's still ok.

Tasteless in Cincy...

Headline: Baker and Piniella to headline Redsfest

Really Reds? Really? You're going to invite the current manager of your Central Division rival (man I almost got that out with a straight face - Reds as a "Rival"...snicker...anyway) to come to your "fest" and speak to the dozens of attendees you're expecting? And you can't say it's to celebrate 20 years since the World Series, because that's NEXT year. Oh...and by the way Piniella's contact is up NEXT YEAR. Couldn't you have waited a year until the time that these two things actually made sense?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not really upset about this per se, but still guys. C'mon!

Here's hoping a bunch of Cub fans show up...

What Pitching?

http://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2009/11/blue-jays-contacted-cubs-about-halladay.html

So this comes across the rumor wire. Interesting. Some geniuses are saying "The Cubs HAVE pitching...." Oh really? Zambrano? Yeah? Which one is showing up today? Dempster? Really. He's a #3 that has occasional flashes of brilliance. Lilly? Had shoulder surgery which the Cubs say will delay his first start by a few weeks, which in Cubs time means July.

If there's any reason why this trade won't happen - and by the way, it won't - it will be because of two things -

1. No payroll room - Although if you're Ricketts, this guy'll bring in 15 mil in jerseys alone.
2. Nothing to trade for him. Oh yeah - Castro and Vitters and uh....uh.....yeah.

So let's not delude ourselves with this "we have enough pitching" - bullsh*t.

The offseason begins...

As I heard on WSOX last night, and I tend to agree - while the White Sox were busy making improvements to their team by trading for Tehan (as yet unconfirmed) and signing Mark Kotsay, the Cubbies were on a field trip to scenic Mesa driving to random locations in the desert saying "we could build a stadium here" knowing full well they'll be back in the Ho Ho come Feb. Gotta love posturing.

Lilly turns out to be not-so durable. Had surgery on his shoulder which according to the Cubs means he'll miss the first couple of months, ahem! I mean weeks, or the season, which mean Rich Harden just got one more bidder.

Offer
Him
Arbitration

Duh.

More to come in the following minutes...

New Sherrif in town...

So, here come the Ricketts, the mighty Riiiiicketts...Ok, I've been watching too much hockey. So can I just tell you how excitied I am to have the Ricketts family owning the Cubs? This morning I woke up - and that's about the same amount of excitement.

I still don't get why everyone seems to think this Ricketts deal is the big turnaround we've all been waiting for. I don't. His name ain't Steinbrenner. It's not even Cuban. Even God wouldn't dump millions and millions into this team. The Cubs are in the top 5 for payroll already - they should be winning now, but they're not. More of the same is not going to help. Playing fundamentally sound baseball will help - and history is not on our side on this point.

Good luck Ricketts. I for one do not expect you to balloon the payroll, or spend just for the sake of spending. Everyone else in the known universe does. Just make sure you let everyone down easy.

And don't even THINK about keeping Bradley.

2009 Wrap up

A .500 team. A 140 million dollar .500 team. That pretty much sums it up. A disastrous offseason that lead to a mediocre season. Every time the Cubs threatened to grab a respectable hold on a +.500 record, they quickly squashed that dream with another losing streak. It was almost funny.

The GOOD news is, Jimmy-boy only signed one ridiculously bad contract. Had he dumped money into 3-4 bad contracts - well, then we have some serious issues. Fortunately, only "The Mistake" is destined to not earn a single dollar we'll be paying him next year.

Yeah. THAT'S the good part. Coming up, we'll be looking at some potential moves to be made. We'll continue breaking down the 2009 roster. We'll anxiously wait with baited breath to see what player Jim Hendry managed to win a bidding war against himself for. And we'll hope he doesn't share a name with a popular board game company.

More minutes to come.

2009 End of Season Roster

Updated daily until the World Series -ish.

Roster #1- Carlos Zambrano - Everyone except those who matter wants this guys gone. Fortunately, the ones who matter are right.
Roster #2 - Aramis Ramirez - Once again proving he's the most clutch hitter on the team. Almost an RBI per game. Sick.
Roster #3 - Carlos Marmol - 12 balls followed by 9 strikes. Named closer next year in an attempt to get it down to 8 balls before 3 K's.
Roster #4 - Ryan Dempster - Considering his daughter lived in a hopital through June, 11 wins is freakin' awesome. You are hard core.
Roster #5 - Ted Lilly - Had an "off year", leading the team in wins. The best starter for the last 4 years. Only All Star, well deserved.
Roster #6 - Mike Fontenot - Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 starting second baseman - unfortunately. Get used to pinch-hitting.
Roster #7 - Reed Johnson - Good for one spectacular catch in April, then decent play the rest of the year. Still thinks he can bunt.
Roster #8 - Alfonso Soriano - Leg fell off in May, didn't tell anyone until September. Going to be here a while - get used to it.
Roster #9 - Milton Bradley - "The Mistake" Period. End of list. Can't get out of town fast enough. And take your lying-ass mom with you.
Roster #10 - Derrek Lee - Slow start, then took off like a rocket and didn't look back. Almost enough to carry the team. Almost.
Roster #11 - John Grabow - With Guzman and Marmol, he completes a deadly trio. And guess what Lou, HE'S LEFT HANDED!
Roster #12 - Kevin Gregg - Don't worry Gregg. I'm sure the 7 blown saves, 4.79 ERA and 13 HR's won't affect your contract opportunities.
Roster #13 - Rich Harden - Only starter to pitch almost the entire season. Missed 2 weeks b/c we all forgot he was supposed to be injured.
Roster #14 - Kosuke Fukudome - Much more consistent this year. Still spins like a top at the plate when he's off. Still a waste of money.
Roster #15 - Randy Wells - Spot starter ends up leading the team in wins. Can you say Wally Pipp?
Roster #16 - Geovany Soto - Duuuuude. You like totally got major muchies last year. No more twinkies. Let's hope you weren't a 1 hit wonder.
Roster #17 - Aaron Miles - Even Mendoza thinks you suck.
Roster #18 - Ryan Theriot - When Piniella says "Drive the ball" from now on your first thought should be "Which car should I take?".
Roster #19 - Koyie Hill - I have it on good authority that he once threw out Jesus trying to steal a base - with 1 hand. Hard freakin' core.
Roster #20 - Jeff Baker - Rumor has it, the Cubs have asked him to change his last name to "DeRosa".
Roster #21 - Sean Marshall - Dear Sean, you're a bullpen pitcher and the sooner you get that through your head the better off you'll be.
Roster #22 - Tom Gorzelanny - Not as hard to spell as Samardzija, but close. Is hoping to rehash his 2006 not-too-shabbiness.
Roster #23 - Aaron Heilman - We just found out why two teams didn't want him last year. Decent 11th bullpen guy,
Roster #24 - Angel Guzman - Wants to change his name to "marmol" and move into the setup slot. Welcome. Stay healthy and it's yours.
Roster #25 - David Patton - I had to google him to make sure he was still a Cub. Elvis was seen more often at Wrigley than this guy.

Honorable Mentions:
Micah Hoffpauir - Still the hoff, but no longer capitalized. Hitting .239 will do that.
Jake Fox - Think Pedro Serano. If you make the mistake of throwing a fastball, he'll hit the piss out of it. If not....
Sam Fuld - Quickly replacing Reed Johnson as the fans' favorite backup outfielder.
Bobby Scales - Proved without a doubt that he can only play on dirt, not grass.
Andres Blanco - Made the play of the year. Couldn't get to 1st base in a women's prison with a fist full of pardons.

Predicitons vs. Reality

This is almost comical, but here we go -

Predictions vs Reality

Total wins - Predicted - 94

Wow...that was a laugher. Knowing the issues facing this team going in, I only trimmed 3 wins off their record. Sheesh. The boys ended with a ridiculous 83 wins.

1st NL Central by 5 games

Ok, I didn't expect the Cubs to be a remarkably 500 as they were, but nobody saw St. Louis coming. And by nobody, I mean really nobody. Cubs ended up diown by 7.5 games, remarkably still in second place.

Team Batting Average - .264

I wasn't too far off on this, all things considered. The Cubs could hit just fine. It was situational hitting where they failed, spectacularly, every single freakin' day...Anyway. .255.

Milton Bradley games - 96

Let's add a caveat here - I should've said Milton Bradley full games. He ended up with 124 games, BUT he pinch hit 16 times, which brings the total down to 108. Add to that the 15 days he SHOULD'VE spent on the DL at the beginning of the season, but for Jim Hendry's pride, and the total is down to 93. However, Jimmy did finally sack up and suspend "The Mistake", so 108 sounds right, and only 12 more than I thought.

Fukudome games - 100

Fuky appeared in 146 games this year, but again, only started 129. Bear in mind that Fuky was consistently average this year, with the ups not nearly as up, and the downs not nearly, thankfully, as down. So he got more starts - still a waste of money.

Rich Harden Starts - 24

Rich was the only Cubs starter to pitch a full season, until he was shut down in Mid-September. Considering most of the civilized world thought he'd be having shoulder surgery in June, that's remarkably consistent. He started 26 games. Boo yah.

Rich Harden Starts of 7+ innings - 5

5. Boo yah. One freakin' predicition thus far. Yippee for freakin' me.

Over/under 200 innnings for starters -
Dempster - over
Lilly - over
Zambrano - over
Harden - under
Marshall - under

DL stints affected my three overs and with 200, 177, and 169.1 respectively, I gotta say I whiffed on all three of those. Marshall and Harden - shocker of all shockers didn't climb over 145. Next year I'll make it more challenging and set it at 185.

No surprises there.

Home Runs -
The Hoff - 13 9

Initially predicted 13, then switched it to 9. He ended up with 10. Minor league stint didn't help his numbers. Nor did his .239 BA.

Bradley - 25

"The Mistake" managed only 12 home runs. Out slugged by Aramis "82 games" Ramirez. Nice job dipsh*t.

Lee - 20

Lee made a strong comeback this year after breaking his wrist 2 years ago. Finished the year with a team-leading 35. He may be back ladies and gents. But remember, and I will next year too - he's a slow starter.

Ramirez - 33

Only played in 82 games, and hit 15. Multiply that by 2 - that's 30. So I was close.

Soriano - 35

Dude, "manning up" does not always mean playing hurt. Sometimes it takes a bigger man to acknowledge that you're not helping your team. You only hit 20 HR and overall sucked worse than you usually did, and I suspect it was largely because you could barely walk for 4 out of 6 months.

Fontenot - 23

This is such a f*cking joke it's barely worth the bandwidth.

Soto - 19

Pot smokin' hippie. Stay of the green stuff and drop another 35 pounds. No more twinkies.

Yes, Fontenot will have more home runs than Lee. - see above comment.

Starters ERA - 4.25
Relievers ERA - 3.85

These two eras are all over the place with all the spot starting etc. Let's put it this weay, for the bulk of the season, starting pitching was NOT the problem.
For the first couple of months, the bullpen was a HUGE problem, but even they got their crap together come August-ish.

Marmol ERA - 2.49

Marmol would've been fine if he hadn't gotten so upset about not being made closer. I don't suspect that was his whole problem, but it was a lot of it. Given the fact that he consistently walked the bases loaded before striking out the side, his 3.41 ERA is a blessing.

Gregg ERA - 3.15

I guess, I really can't explain what I was thinking. Maybe I assumed that Hendry couldn't have had a total clusterf*ck of an offseason and at least ONE move had to have worked out and maybe you wouldn't be that bad. God that was freakin' dumb. 4.72 - Nuff said.

Runs Per Game - 4.89

Off by .5 run - 4.39. Lost way too many games with a 1 or 2 run differential.

Runs Allowed Per Game - 4.35

I was actually really close on this one - 4.17. As I said, the pitching was for the most part, not the problem.

One Run games W - 59%

.421 - I didn't count on having such a crappy bullpen at the start of the year, and a crappy closer for the rest of it.

Home Wins - 52

46

Road Wins - 42

37

Once again, off by 11 games - they had to come from somewhere. Cubs gave away a lot of games, both home and road. Their overall record speaks for itself.

So that's it. Of all the prediations I made, I was only right about Rich Freakin' Harden. Good for me. Stay tuned for the season wraps in the coming months.

Acceptance?

So everyone everywhere is now talking aobut how the Cubs have been "officially" eliminated from playoff contention as of the Rockies win last night (vs. the Boo-hoo Crew no less), and now it's time to accept that it will be 102 years....blah blah blah.

Ok, saying that the Cubs have been "officially" eliminated is like having a 113 year old man diagnosed with pheumonia and saying "Oh my God! He's going to die!" Put another, more sensitive way - it's not like this is a shock to anyone. Now, we'll examine the why's and the how's of it later, but honestly, I threw in the towel back in July, when it became evident that against greater-than-mediocre teams, the Cubs just panicked and buried thier heads in the sand and hoped to not get swept. Even when they touched first place briefly in August, you knew, if they managed to hold it, that they were doomed to another 3 and out performance.

So honestly folks, let's put aside our "shock" and "numbness" that the Cubs have failed - again - and move on to more surprising things. I understand the sky is blue today. Let's all take a minute and look at it.

Blackouts...

Dagnabbit. I was just thinking to myself that MLB.TV would be a nice christmas present to myself. Watch the games at work, or on the computer when my wife want's to watch something else. Heck, watch them on the netbook while at starbucks, or wherever. I even have a friend in Detroit who can get the package for me, use their CC and they'll have THAT zip code. Sadly though, IP address is used to determine your location as well. But I could use a proxy server to alter my IP address, and maybe I could get around it that way.

Bottom line - if anyone is willing to go to these measures to watch games on their computers, maybe MLB should wake up to the 21st century and re-think this Blackout BS.

Does MLB really think that anyone in the world would rather watch a baseball game on their 8" netbook rather than a 40" plasma? Really? IF IT WAS AN OPTION, WE WOULDN'T NEED MLB.TV.

What a frustrating minute.

A message to the NLC Champ Cardinals and their fans.

Burn in hell, you rat bastards.

No seriously, I'll say congratulations to you in the same way I said it to the White Sox in '05 - I'm flipping you off behind my back the entire time. You made the right moves, specifically Holliday (I'm personally convinced the DeRosa trade was just to make our lives hell), and took advantage of a sad-sack Cubs team (who now seems to be playing well, now that there's no pressure - thanks a freakin' lot) and got into the post-season.

Right now, I'm going to ask you to kiss something. Take a wild guess.

Another phone call

This one will be made around the end of November

"Hi Milt, It's Jim. Yeah, so I wanted to let you know, I'm having a heck of a time moving your contract. It's not you, but...ok, well yeah it is you, but the money doesn't help either. So anyway, I got an offer from the Rangers that if I pay 19 million, they'll take you back. Oh really? I'm glad to hear that you'd be happy with that move. Here's the thing though. I talked to Crane and we're actually going to go ahead and turn that down. Instead, you're going to sit on your little butt there and watch other teams play baseball. You will not see a live pitch thrown at you for the next two years. You won't even remember where your glove is by the time this contract runs out. But don't worry Milt. I'm sure two years sitting on the shelf will not affect your free-agency when you turn the young age of 33 in 2012. Oh and by the way, we're gonna fly you in here every once in a while so you can hold a press conference and talk with the media that will undoubtedly miss you so much.

Oh you don't like that option huh? Well gee that's too bad because you know we have this contract here, and boy oh boy if only there was a way that you didn't have to stay under our control for the next two years. Yeah, I sure wish there was a way for someone to, oh I don't know, opt out of a contract or something.

Huh. Well anyway Milty-boy. We're sending you over a case of Margarita mix since that's all you'll have to do for the next two years. I appreciate your time Milt and thank you so much for everything you've done already."

Really? Really?

The player's Union is considering challenging "The Mistake's" Suspension. First of all, if Chris De Luca's report:

The real reason behind Milton Bradley's suspension: Clubhouse dustup with coach Von Joshua had as much to do with it as the negative talk.

is accurate, then Milt is lucky he only got suspended. Second, if I'm Jimmy, here's my phone call to Milt.

"Hey Milt. So, I'm told the Players' Association is considering filing a grievance. Tell ya what buckaroo, consider it lifted. Yes, absolutely. Get on a plane and fly your happy little buns back to Milwaukee. You will spend the next two weeks sitting in uniform on a bench watching how a real team plays. You will travel with us, and you will talk to the press for as long as they want. Every day. Don't bring your glove or bat - you won't need them. You will be riding the pine for the rest of the season, but you won't be suspended. Be carefull how you walk though, because if you so much as stub your toe, I will put you on the DL so fast your head will spin and maybe that third year won't be so much of a guarantee.

So what do you think Milt? You wanna just stay suspended? Yeah. I thought you might."

And for the alst time this season -

Bobby Abreu watch - .295/.394/.429/.823

Boy..thank God we didn't sign THAT guy at 3/30

Get-Rid-Of-Milt-Athon

Last night, I was reading my buddy Bruce over at the Daily Herald and I see this line pouring out of The Mistake's mouth - "...and you can see why they haven't won in 100 years here."

Believe me this got a blog post going in my head. Something like "F^ck you. F^uck your mom for forgetting to take her pill. F^ck your dad for not drowning you at birth..." You know...something like that. But then I realized - that would just be negative, and lord knows we can't let Milty-poo hear any negativity. Noooooo. So I decided to start a cause - the Get-Rid-Of-Milt-Athon. Here's how it works.

I'm sure, if Tommy Ricky asked, he could find 2 million people who would each be willing to donate $10 raise the $20 million we'd need to cut Milt loose and still retain enough financial flexibility to make the signings we need. So, on Twitter, I started the cause. You can tweet your pledges (in $10 increments) to @onetwittedcubs
to get Milt the heckle out of town.

Naturally, right now this is all informal. No ACTUAL money will change hands, it's more of a scenario, but I'd be interested to see how much we could raise. Heck, if it's enough - I could always email Jimmy.

So pledge now! Rid yourself of an underachieving, whiny, cry-baby of a right fielder - no, not THAT one. We already got Jerry Hairston for him...

If I were GM Part III

So there's all this talk aobut, OMG, what are we gonna do this offseason? How do we trade for? Who do we sign? There's still 6 weeks left here folks. What do we do now? On more accurately, what do we do come September 1?

Simple. If the Cubs are within 4 games of first place - not completely impossible, then it's business as usual. Call up a few guys, but for the most part, stick with the core, plus The Hoff and ReJo. That way, we're shooting to make up one game per week to make for an exciting final week. Once we get to the psot season, we'll have our A##es handed to us, but that's another blog.

The last 4 weeks, with the exception of the Cardinals, Sox and Giants we don't even get to play spoiler. Just 3 weeks of really sadly meaningless games.

Which is why I propose the following if the Cubs find themselves 4.5+ out of first.

1. Platoon A-Ram and Fox every other day at third. A-Ram ain't healed yet.
2. Get Fox behind the plate - he may be a viable candidate for catcher. Wouldn't mind him seeing more time at first either.
3. Platoon The Hoff and Sorry-I-Suck in Left. Hoff will need the playing time and AB's, and Soriano, like it or not - we're stuck with him for another 5 years, so lets do our best to keep him healthy.
4. Call up Samardzija and go with a 6 man rotation - Zambrano, Lilly, Dempster, Harden, Gorzelanny, Samardzija. This will ease the strain on the starting staff and allow Gorzy and Sammy to audition for the #5 spot for next year.

That's all I got for now.

If I were GM Part Deux

This offseason can be ruled a success with relatively few moves, and that's a really good thing because there are few moves the Cubs can realistically make.

Kapper starts off his assumptions that the Ricketts will eat salary and move Milt. While that wouldn't be an entirely bad thing, depending on the move, let's not make that assumption and assume instead that what you see is what you get.

And that means the following positions are filled:

1B - Lee
2B/SS - Theriot
2B/SS - Vacancy
3B - Ramirez
LF - Sorry-I-Suck
CF - Johnson/Fuku
RF - Bradley
Catcher - Soto

SP1 - Zambrano
SP2 - Lilly
SP3 - Dempster
SP4 - Wells
SP5 - Gorzy/Samarjy/Marshall/Vacancy

Closer - Marmol/See Below
Setup - Guzman/Grabow/See Below
Bullpen - Heilman + above, et.al.

The biggest gamble from a starting position perspective was "Can Fontenot produce the numbers he produced as a part-timer as a full timer?" with the answer being a resounding Heckle-me Elmo NO!. So, there's a hole there and IMHO, the biggest need on the team. Releasing Harden to Free Agency allows this hole to be filled by one of the following names in order of preference - Orlando Hudson, Marco Scutaro, Freddy Sanchez, Mark DeRosa, Miguel Tejada, or David Eckstein. Now, because all of these gents will soon be receiving their baseball AARP cards, here are the take it or leave it offers made to these boys -

Any of the top 3 would be offered 3 years at 4-8 mil/year.

Marco Scutaro - Solid hitter, some power, and he does it in the AL East - 4 Mil is 4 times his current salary

Orlando Hudson - Switch-hitting Freddie Sanchez - 5 mil is 2 more than this year, but not quite his peak. 4th option year

Freddie Sanchez - Solid hitter, minimal power - He'll cost 8 mil AT LEAST. Listed third because of cost. 4th option year

Mark DeRosa - 2 years/5-6 mil - 4th on the list because the legend of DeRo will never be as good as DeRo. Plus he's 35.

Miguel Tejada - 1 year, 5-6 mil - Solid hitter, Power hitter, but by his own admission maybe isn't great for SS any more. He will likely laugh at this offer.

David Eckstein - In lieu of Ryan Theriot, I'd have loved to have this guy on our team 6 years ago. But, since we have a Ryan Theriot, he's really not necessary and is last on the to-do list - 1 year/3 mil. - 3 times his current salary.

Now, for the fun picks - Above, I mentioned Marmol would be the provisional closer, one guy could not be had - Jose Valverde. Quite possibly the scariest man to ever don a baseball uniform. I'd love to have him closing games and Marmol will just have to realize that the 7th inning is just as important, if not more important than the 9th.

Finally, one last fun pick. I wouldn't mind, but won't get in an uproar if it doesn't happen, taking one last shot at Nomar in a backup 3rd base/first base role. Solid serviceable bat and good defender - just right for those times that Lee or Rami need a nap.

Now the touchy issue I know Kapper will hate. Leave the starting rotation alone. Zambrano when he's on - and I know that's a huge if - can go toe to toe with anyone. Dempster and Lilly can face down any #2's or 3's, and Randy Wells over the season, despite the length of service, hasn't gotten caught up to yet. At that point, I'd go with Gorzy (big asterisk here based on the rest of his body of work for this season) for the #5 slot keeping 2 lefties in the rotation. Marshall goes to the pen when he's frankly better suited and spot starts as necessary.

If Zambrano proves again that he just can't hack it as a #1, then see who's available come July.

Bear in mind, we are working on a budget here, and Lackey made 10 mil last season. So there ya have it. I may change my mind tomorrow, but that's what I got.

If I were GM...Part I

So Kapper, the ultimate Cubs fan, seems to have thrown in the towel. Already talking about next season. And well he should be. The Cubs are pretty much toast now, so yes, let's play Hendry for a few moments. Here's his actual tweet:

@thekapmanLatest post up on Kap's Corner. You play Cubs GM. Best plan wins dinner! Tweet this out to all your Cubs fan friends! http://bit.ly/1cg3ss

challenge accepted.

I'm gonna mull this one a bit, but names are already floating around like Sanchez, Tejada, Pinero, Lackey...hmm...Watch for this to come next couple of days...

This one is a toss up

So we can't go to San Diego without pointing out the following correlation -
Step 1. Cubs want to be more left handed.
Step 2. Henry Blanco ain't, but he IS a mentor to Geo Soto
Step 3. Henry goes elsewhere
Step 4. Geo Sucks.

So HEndry obviously dropped the ball right? I sure as heck know _I_ made this argument a couple of times. However - hindsight is 20-20 - even the strongest Blanco lovers have to admit, there is no way in hell that Henry Blanco catches 26 games in a row when Geo goes on the DL for smoking, er I mean his side.

Koyie Hill has been a serviceable backup. I would argue that over a season, I would probably rather have Hank White as a backup, but for a 1 month stretch of not having Jake Fox behind the plate, Hill will do.

Really, this one is a coin toss.

Excuses abound.

To follow up on this twitter post -

August 19th - Musky the Cub's blog - "8/19 Hendry: "It's 'whatever it takes' time" - Except of course actually doing anything...

The following was posted as a comment on the blog - just bringing it here to share as well.

It's whatever it takes time, but when the questions come about what does it take, he points to the field. Oh no, _I_ can't do anything of course! It's the players! THEY have to do whatever it takes. I certainly can't be expected to pick up a veteran leader with closing experience. No, I'll just let him trot down to St. Louis along with everyone else in the world...cough...DeRosa...cough...Holliday...cough.

See folks - this is the difference between action, and sad-sack excuses. You do not get a pass Jimmy b/c you put together a 97 game winner LAST year. If anything, you're MORE under the microscope.

Jim Hendry has just morphed from good GM to donut-munching moron.

I'd suggest Jim, that you avoid the press and keep your head down until you're officially fired this off season - about the only positive thing that'll come about from this ownership situation.

Is it over?

Weeeeeeeellllllll...

It ain't good. With the Cardinals showing no signs of slowing down and the Cubs playing - well like they are it doesn't look too good. Keeping in mind that only 12 of the last 50 games this season are against teams that are above .500, there is a chance that they might back into the playoffs. Once they get there? Well, the 83 win Cardinals jump to mind, but frankly here's what would have to happen - we're going to assume that somehow the Cubs get to the post season - for the Cubs to win.

1. Zambrano wouldh ave to stay sane for a solid three weeks.
2. Harden would have to stay whole for a whole 3 weeks.
3. Dempster would have to throw strikes for a whole three weeks
4. Lilly would pretty much just have to be the Lilly we've all seen.

Plus.

5. Soriano would have to stop swinging at pretty much any breaking pitches.
6. Lee would have to be Lee of May/June, not April or July
7. Ramirez would have to remember how to hit after October 1.
8. Bradley would have to not be the guy he's been all year.

That's a lot of not sucking. But hey, I'm a Cubs fan. That whole blind-optimism thing is kinda how we roll..

A picture's worth

"So let's see here, 50 games left this year, plus the off season, then 45 days of Spring training and another 162 games next year, minus 4-5 ejections, I figure I've got about 300 games left of this BS before I go to the Yankees..."

Just for fun, Lou switches between calculating the number of games and the number of calendar days left on his contract. Sometimes, he figures out hours, but he needs a calculator for that.

Unmasked

Hey! This guy -


You're kind of an a-hole. You've done the near-impossible and actually given Cubs fans a worse reputation than they already had. On ESPN. You stupid barrel of monkey spunk. Don't go to any more games. Don't wear that ugly-ass hat. You're not welcome here. We don't serve your kind. There's plenty of room in that park 8 miles South for degenerates. Have fun - they actually have a chance of not sucking this year.

And the sunglasses - really? Are those like Marty McFly specials? Really? Looking forward to that Tron release?

Knock Knock. Who's there? Opportunity...

Is John Smoltz this year's Jim Edmonds? With Carlos Zambrano chatting up his buds off in DL Central, Lilly out of the picture for another couple of weeks, Samard-however the heck you spell his name-our only option for starter #5, and Kevin Gregg's recent issues. Umm...Anyone know where we might be able to pick up a servicable 5th starter with elite closing experience?

Granted Smoltz isn't at the top of his game, but to be fair, Smoltz at 75% is better than many options the Cubs have right now. Jim Edmonds was released from the weakest hitting team in baseball last year and still came over and made a solid difference - didn't excactly wipe the floor with anyone, but he was definitely a difference-maker and more than once. Besides, he'd be a good band-aid to cover the #5 starter slot. As long as he doesn't allow 20 runs per game, who cares who the #5 starter is? And if he does, have a nice day.

Not to mention Smoltz might be the veteran leader, coming from a winning tradition, who might be able to get this team all on the same page.

And he's cheap. Is he left handed by chance? No silly. If he was, he'd already be signed...

You're the manager - Manage

Say what you want about Gregg - and beleive me the twittersphere has been SAYING things - At least he took responsibility last night:

"Two pitches. Twenty-five guys put together great efforts, and [because of] two pitches we walk out of here losing."

That about sums it up. But here's a couple of other quotes -

"He's the manager; you do what he says," Dempster said of Piniella...

and

"I don't know. I don't make those decisions." (about calling up BJ Ryan from AAA) and - this one's my favorite - "Why should I?" When asked if maybe Piniella might consider the possibility of changing Gregg's role as closer.

Right now, it seems like most of this team is padding themselves so when the inevitable crash comes, it won't be on them. Hey, I'm just a player. I listen to the manager. Hey I'm just the manager, I listen to the General Manager. Kiss my purple pimpled butt. But we'll get more into that later.

Look, at this point, you may as well leave Gregg. Marmol can't close the Dutch, let alone a major league team. Guzman, while he's shown dominating stuff at times, has no experience and isn't as consistent and one would need. Heilmann - shoot I almost got that out with a straight face.

Maybe Ryan will be the answer later - not now. But I wouldn't mind seeing him up here soon. Meantime, don't call for firing someone until you have someone else step up. GRegg gets just a touch more rope to hang himself with. After that, we'll need to talk a bit more.

More lefties...

Let's hope they go on the "Not crappy" pile, but let's face it, history is not on Jimmy's side.

The Cubs acquired LHP John Grabow and Tom Gorzelanny from our Central Farm team, er, I mean the Pirates for Kevin Hart - yeah, the same one who won today - Jose Ascanio and 3B prospect not worth mentioning.

I was asked, via Twitter who moves into the 5th rotation spot then? Right now, I gotta go with Marshall until Lilly comes back. Gorzy is headed to Iowa because he recently started sucking and showed no sign of not sucking soon, but if he regains his form (circa 2006 I think) he could be a pretty good pickup. Grabow projects as a Type A Free Agent, which to the uninformed (myself included) means he should be good/very good -ish. So It looks like Grabow will be the lone lefty in the pen for now, with Marshall taking up the 5th starter role until Lilly comes back and then Marshall will no longer have to play left field - even though that was cool as crap when it happened...

That's how it looks right now anyway...

Pirates sell off everything, including the kitchen sink...Literally

The Pittsburgh Pirates have completed all transactions from the 2009 season, because they have nothing left to sell. After completing their latest trade of Freddy Sanchez to the Giants for a prospect and an old gym sock, Pirates GM Neal Huntington received a call from owner Robert Nutting.

"Neal, I'm out here on the golf course and I heard that we've sold off everything but the kitchen sink. Why is that sink still on our payroll?"

Hours later, Eric's Plumbing Gurus showed up at the Pirates clubhouse to remove the sink, affectionately known as "Drippy" and ship it off to Toronto in a deal for a Player To Be Named Later + 19.95 shipping and handling.

"It was tough to part with Drippy, but some really famous hands have been washed in that old girl - Barry Bonds, Freddy Sanchez, Aramis Ramirez, and of course the big R.C. They've all been traded away of course, but they used to."

Sources say Roy Halladay was excited about the move and couldn't wait to wash his hands in Drippy, preferably before the trade deadline.

Let me off.

Ok, it's official. I'm standing there bouncing around and finially I've had enough. I reach up and pull the cord. Stop. I'm done.

I am officially leaving the Lou Piniella bus. Check please!

Sorry folks - he's gone. Out of it. Lost his margarita-soaked mind. The last two straws were as follows:

Cubs will try to slot Rich Harden to pitch night games

So now our dominant starter can't pitch during the day? Don't get me wrong, he's great and all, but that 9:00 wake up call is just brutal. Oh and he can only throw 85 pitches per start. Oh and he needs to have the stadium rotated so the mound faces north. Is there anything else we can do for your majesty?

Piniella seeking lefty hitter with power

Umm Lou - You HAVE your left-handed bat, actually several of them and you know what? THEY HAVEN'T F^CKING HELPED!!! "The Mistake", Fukudome, Fontenot, Hill, Hoffpauir, there's your left handed bats, and the only one that does anything - the Hoff, you won't f^cking play him! Left handed bats are not the answer. BATS are the answer.

Seriously? Harden pitching only night games, which is bound to f^ck up the rest of the rotation by the way, and getting another left handed bat? This is what you have for us? Are you seriously out of excuses? Like "Uh, look son, we need another frontline starter" - you got that. "Oh, well then look, what we really need is a left-handed..." Lou, lou lou. You have that too. "Oh, well, uh, um..see there was this black cat....

I'm done. I'm officially off the Lou bus. Is this all his fault? Not all of it. But that's not enough to get him off the hook. Not any more.

Sad but true...

Predictions vs. Half way Projections

Halfway point. Let's see how pathetically miserable we're doing. Current x2 projections are in parenthesis.

Total wins - 94 (82 - unfreakin' real)

1st NL Central by 5 games (down by 3)

Team Batting Average - .264 (.247)

Milton Bradley games - 96 (112 - of course many of those are pinch hit appearances)

Fukudome games - 100 (138)

Rich Harden Starts - 24 (26)

Rich Harden Starts of 7+ innings - 5 (no idea, but I believe he's had at least 1)

Over/under 200 innnings for starters -
Dempster - over (210)
Lilly - over (222)
Zambrano - over (192)
Harden - under (140)
Marshall - under

No surprises there.

Home Runs -
The Hoff - 13 9 (14 - I was closer on my first guess)
Bradley - 25 (12 - "The Mistake" nuff said)
Lee - 20 (32 - but he will not continue hitting at this sick pace. Like A-Ram, prolly closer to 22-25)
Ramirez - 33 (8 - but he did miss 2 months on the DL. Not gonna be 30, but maybe 22-25)
Soriano - 35 (28 - assuming he remembers how to hit at some point)
Fontenot - 23 (12 - who knew making him an every da player would freak him out so much...)
Soto - 19 (16)

Yes, Fontenot will have more home runs than Lee. (Umm..no...He won't)

Home Wins - 52 (50)
Road Wins - 42 (32)

This is based on nothing except gut. We'll see.

Soi basically what it boils down to is nobody saw THIS bad a performance coming. Lee is hitting much better than he has in the last 3 years, Soto is starting to hit the ball, and BRadley's fine as long as he's batting right-handed - hmmmm. Fontenot has performed way below expectations, and looks to continue that way. Overall, the division is still winnable but only because it's so incredibly bad. I thi k they'll end up with more than 82 wins - prolly closer to 86, but that's good enough to win this division. We'll have our asses handed to us in the post season once again, but hey...

Jim Hendry better start typing his resume if he doesn't get anyone as 2B or SS (which would then move Theriot to 2B) before the deadline. One more bullpen arm would be nice too.

Mark DeRosa take 4??

So now the Cubbies have Jeff Baker. Lou summed up his senility in one statement to the press.

"He's a versatile guy, can play three infield position and the corner positions in the outfield, and he can swing the bat a little bit," manager Lou Piniella said. "So he will give us some versatility and a good right-handed bat coming off the bench."

Hey. That sounds great! Just imagine how valuable a super utility guy who can play infield and outfield and swing a solid right handed bat...wait...

Jeff Baker is not and never will be as valuable as DeRosa. He is simply the latest in what will be long line of utility players Jimmy will recruit to help repair him image as someone who did not royally screw all of us with a molten hot poker.

We see through your bullsh^t Jim, and it's still just as stinky. I would suggest you leave town before the Cardinals come in this weekend...