Thursday, July 30, 2009

More lefties...

Let's hope they go on the "Not crappy" pile, but let's face it, history is not on Jimmy's side.

The Cubs acquired LHP John Grabow and Tom Gorzelanny from our Central Farm team, er, I mean the Pirates for Kevin Hart - yeah, the same one who won today - Jose Ascanio and 3B prospect not worth mentioning.

I was asked, via Twitter who moves into the 5th rotation spot then? Right now, I gotta go with Marshall until Lilly comes back. Gorzy is headed to Iowa because he recently started sucking and showed no sign of not sucking soon, but if he regains his form (circa 2006 I think) he could be a pretty good pickup. Grabow projects as a Type A Free Agent, which to the uninformed (myself included) means he should be good/very good -ish. So It looks like Grabow will be the lone lefty in the pen for now, with Marshall taking up the 5th starter role until Lilly comes back and then Marshall will no longer have to play left field - even though that was cool as crap when it happened...

That's how it looks right now anyway...

Pirates sell off everything, including the kitchen sink...Literally

The Pittsburgh Pirates have completed all transactions from the 2009 season, because they have nothing left to sell. After completing their latest trade of Freddy Sanchez to the Giants for a prospect and an old gym sock, Pirates GM Neal Huntington received a call from owner Robert Nutting.

"Neal, I'm out here on the golf course and I heard that we've sold off everything but the kitchen sink. Why is that sink still on our payroll?"

Hours later, Eric's Plumbing Gurus showed up at the Pirates clubhouse to remove the sink, affectionately known as "Drippy" and ship it off to Toronto in a deal for a Player To Be Named Later + 19.95 shipping and handling.

"It was tough to part with Drippy, but some really famous hands have been washed in that old girl - Barry Bonds, Freddy Sanchez, Aramis Ramirez, and of course the big R.C. They've all been traded away of course, but they used to."

Sources say Roy Halladay was excited about the move and couldn't wait to wash his hands in Drippy, preferably before the trade deadline.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Let me off.

Ok, it's official. I'm standing there bouncing around and finially I've had enough. I reach up and pull the cord. Stop. I'm done.

I am officially leaving the Lou Piniella bus. Check please!

Sorry folks - he's gone. Out of it. Lost his margarita-soaked mind. The last two straws were as follows:

Cubs will try to slot Rich Harden to pitch night games

So now our dominant starter can't pitch during the day? Don't get me wrong, he's great and all, but that 9:00 wake up call is just brutal. Oh and he can only throw 85 pitches per start. Oh and he needs to have the stadium rotated so the mound faces north. Is there anything else we can do for your majesty?

Piniella seeking lefty hitter with power

Umm Lou - You HAVE your left-handed bat, actually several of them and you know what? THEY HAVEN'T F^CKING HELPED!!! "The Mistake", Fukudome, Fontenot, Hill, Hoffpauir, there's your left handed bats, and the only one that does anything - the Hoff, you won't f^cking play him! Left handed bats are not the answer. BATS are the answer.

Seriously? Harden pitching only night games, which is bound to f^ck up the rest of the rotation by the way, and getting another left handed bat? This is what you have for us? Are you seriously out of excuses? Like "Uh, look son, we need another frontline starter" - you got that. "Oh, well then look, what we really need is a left-handed..." Lou, lou lou. You have that too. "Oh, well, uh, um..see there was this black cat....

I'm done. I'm officially off the Lou bus. Is this all his fault? Not all of it. But that's not enough to get him off the hook. Not any more.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Predictions vs. Half way Projections

Halfway point. Let's see how pathetically miserable we're doing. Current x2 projections are in parenthesis.

Total wins - 94 (82 - unfreakin' real)

1st NL Central by 5 games (down by 3)

Team Batting Average - .264 (.247)

Milton Bradley games - 96 (112 - of course many of those are pinch hit appearances)

Fukudome games - 100 (138)

Rich Harden Starts - 24 (26)

Rich Harden Starts of 7+ innings - 5 (no idea, but I believe he's had at least 1)

Over/under 200 innnings for starters -
Dempster - over (210)
Lilly - over (222)
Zambrano - over (192)
Harden - under (140)
Marshall - under

No surprises there.

Home Runs -
The Hoff - 13 9 (14 - I was closer on my first guess)
Bradley - 25 (12 - "The Mistake" nuff said)
Lee - 20 (32 - but he will not continue hitting at this sick pace. Like A-Ram, prolly closer to 22-25)
Ramirez - 33 (8 - but he did miss 2 months on the DL. Not gonna be 30, but maybe 22-25)
Soriano - 35 (28 - assuming he remembers how to hit at some point)
Fontenot - 23 (12 - who knew making him an every da player would freak him out so much...)
Soto - 19 (16)

Yes, Fontenot will have more home runs than Lee. ( won't)

Home Wins - 52 (50)
Road Wins - 42 (32)

This is based on nothing except gut. We'll see.

Soi basically what it boils down to is nobody saw THIS bad a performance coming. Lee is hitting much better than he has in the last 3 years, Soto is starting to hit the ball, and BRadley's fine as long as he's batting right-handed - hmmmm. Fontenot has performed way below expectations, and looks to continue that way. Overall, the division is still winnable but only because it's so incredibly bad. I thi k they'll end up with more than 82 wins - prolly closer to 86, but that's good enough to win this division. We'll have our asses handed to us in the post season once again, but hey...

Jim Hendry better start typing his resume if he doesn't get anyone as 2B or SS (which would then move Theriot to 2B) before the deadline. One more bullpen arm would be nice too.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Mark DeRosa take 4??

So now the Cubbies have Jeff Baker. Lou summed up his senility in one statement to the press.

"He's a versatile guy, can play three infield position and the corner positions in the outfield, and he can swing the bat a little bit," manager Lou Piniella said. "So he will give us some versatility and a good right-handed bat coming off the bench."

Hey. That sounds great! Just imagine how valuable a super utility guy who can play infield and outfield and swing a solid right handed bat...wait...

Jeff Baker is not and never will be as valuable as DeRosa. He is simply the latest in what will be long line of utility players Jimmy will recruit to help repair him image as someone who did not royally screw all of us with a molten hot poker.

We see through your bullsh^t Jim, and it's still just as stinky. I would suggest you leave town before the Cardinals come in this weekend...