Saturday, October 25, 2008
I'll sum up...
Trade D-Lee for Matt Cain and lefty reliever Alex Hinshaw
Trade Sean Marshall, Ronny Cedeno, Michael Wuertz and Micah Hoffpauir for Aubrey Huff and Luke Scott
Sign a cheapie backup infielder like Alex Cintron and sign Kevin Millar
Trade Cain and Pie for Ricky Nolasco.
That's the gist of it. So let's take a look.
First of all, with all due respect to BCB for their very well thought out and insightful moves, but there are some I gotta turn my head funny and look at it and say huh?
First off, Fuku ain't goin' nowhere. He's here for AT LEAST another year. Now does he HAVE to be in the majors? Not necessarily.
Second, there is no way in God's green earth that the Giants make that deal as is, at least not without further depleting our farm system.
Third, oh great a trade with the Orioles. Yeah...we saw how well THAT worked out last year.
as far as departures are concerned, not only will I let most of those guys go, I'll help them pack and drive them to the airport. Micah, I'm not ready to pull the plug on just yet. Yes, he's an outfielder with power who tears the cover off the ball in the minors, and we've heard that story before. Didn't like that ending either.
Marshall is a good solid pitcher who isn't cutting it with this rotation, Wuertz and Cedeno - SECURITY!!!
D-LKee hurts, be he's by far the most tradable of the big three. And if he can get us a Matt Cain or Ricky Nolasco, I can live with it.
That's all I got for this minute. More later.
Alfonso Soriano, who had not been bitten by the injury bug prior to his signing with the Cubs has finally revealed a long-standing bug that has plagued him since his days in Washington. The good news is, there is a very-progressive therapy for this ailment.
Mark O'Neal, head trainer for the Cubs, explains the treatment. "Basically Alfonso will be preceded anywhere he goes by at elast one person. Always. He will never enter or exit a room first. He will hold doors open for others, male or female, never sit at a table first, he'll even wait for someone else to go to the bathroom."
Soriano's condition, Egomus Maximus, is severe in Soriano's case. It is trainer O'Neal's hope that this treatment is effective and gets Soriano back to where he needs to be. "You know, like 5th in the Batting Order."
Jim Hendry commented, "This is a pretty aggressive treatment. We think it'll go a long way toward curing what is clearly a very serious mental--I mean physical...PHYSICAL defect. Hoepfulyl it won't be too much of a problem going forward."
Soriano still has 6 years left on his contract. "I plan to work hard with this treatment during the offseason and come back ready to go next spring. Now if you'll excuse me, we need to leave." Soriano then held the door open for four people, before leaving himself.
Seems to be helping.
Not true, not true, but it would be nice....
Friday, October 24, 2008
"Mark Grace says Cubs rolled over in playoffs
Says team should be humiliated after its latest playoff debacle "
''They [bleeped] it up, honestly,''
''That's twice now that this same group of players has gone out and played tight. ... I mean, come on, dude, are you kidding me?
''And to get swept out, they really should be humiliated.''
"Honestly, that team for some reason, when [James] Loney hit that grand slam, you're only down two runs with five innings to play and that team just laid down. The place turned into a tomb. Damn, you're just down two, and you had come back all year. The team laid down."
(Chris De Luca) - And based on his words Thursday, Grace's color commentary might not fly in that overly sensitive clubhouse.
Nahhhh....he'll be fine...for a minute at least...
Monday, October 20, 2008
In an odd case of life imitates occupation, Reed Johnson was left at the alter by his recent and very attractive fiancee.
Previously, Johnson admits he'd been with a much less attractive partner for several years before she unexpectedly dumped him. Almost immediately, he hooked up with his current beau and was engaged to be married recently. Unfortunately, it didn't work out.
Johnson wasn't left as at the alter, per se, more like his wife-to-be couldn't find her way. After making perfect strides with the details such as the wedding reception, champagne, dress, flowers, caterer, chapel, etc. it seemed she just couldn't close the deal.
"She got lost on the way to the church. Funny thing, she's always the one with the map in the car, and throughout our relationship, she'd been dead on," Johnson said. "Just just couldn't produce in the clutch I guess...wait...are we still talking aobut Melissa?"
The status of Johnson's relationship is in flux. Melissa did state he might be a good alternate husband if one of three other candidates don't work out. She promises to not get lost next year...er..I mean next time.
We ARE still talking about Melissa, right?
Blah blah blah...if you believe this, go back to grader school, blah blah....
Friday, October 17, 2008
Reportedly the Pads want a couple of pitchers and a center fielder. Be nice if we could pawn off Marquis and Pie, pay some salary. Add in Sean Marshall? Marquis would fit well with that universe-sized outfield. I hate losing our best lefty out of the bullpen, but let's face it - Marshall is a starter and the Cubs right now are holding him back. Or...And here's a crazy thought.
Trade for Peavy, buh ye Dempster. Sure he caught lightning in a bottle, and maybe he'll be his dominant self for the rest of career. But I like what I see, not what I suspect. Peavy is a proven dominant innings eater year after year.
It'd be a nice deal, but honestly I can live with the rotation as is.
Just some interesting thought is all...
Here's a minute for ya.
"Union says teams colluded against Bonds (AP)"
So does it really matter if all the teams said "he sucks and we don't want his baggage or his B$%^ing" collectively as opposed to individually?
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Jim Edmonds announced his inclination to retire today at a press conference attended by this reporter, Edmonds' dog, and several hundred cheering Cardinals fans. "While I have not made a final decision, it would seem that this year with the Cubs has been the pinnacle of my career. Yes, I do have a couple of World Series rings, and I'm building a third fireplace mantle to house all of my Gold Gloves, but since Lou [Piniella] said the team had a great year, and just because we didn't win a game in the playoffs [again], it doesn't mean this year wasn't a very successful year."
I mean Lou Piniella has been in this game for a long time, since I was in high school as a matter of fact, so if he says it was great, then who am I to judge. I must conclude that this was as good as it will get, and go out on top."
Edmonds, who has been classified by several scouts as "older than dirt" and "still owes Jesus six bucks" and "can't even keep up with a Greg Maddux fastball" seemed to be in a decline at the beginning of the year. He found himself playing center field at Petco Park where it would take a jet pack, and several 8 balls of cocaine to successfully defend. However, after being released, he was picked up by the Cubs in what could be characterized as the shrewdest no-brainer move of Jim Hendry's career.
"Well, not just anybody could've committed the financial resources to take a flyer on Jimmy, but I figured it was worth a limo and a pack of chewing gum," commented Jim Hendry who will pay a portion of Jim Edmonds' next contract should he decide to continue his play elsewhere - not because he has to, just because that's just what Hendry does. "It's true," Hendry admitted with a shrug.
If Edmonds decides to retire, it would cap a long and distinguished career on a super high note, according to Manager Lou Piniella. "Well, uh...Jim...let me tell you about Jim...He's ahhhh, a good ball player, and I prefer red licorice. Yeah."
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
In a press released issued by Ronny Cedeno which was written on a cocktail napkin and stuck to our front door with bubble gum, the backup shortstop announced he was signing a contract with the Detroit Lions as a punt returner. "Just like the great Bo Jackson, I plan to become a two-sport athlete. I figure I'm bad enough at one, so maybe if I suck at two sports, no one will notice the other one too much. My therapist calls it 'deflection'."
Cedeno's thereapist could not be reached for comment.
Cedeno, who has been the subject of trade rumors fueled by the desire to just get Cedeno the heck out of town, has excelled at waiting on the bench to be called. It's after that calling that he needs to work on.
"We're confident in Ronny's ability to sit on the bench and watch each and every game until a blow out, and then get on that field and try not to make too much of an ass of himself," commented Jim Hendry. "I think the Lions will be a good fit for him."
"We're happy to have Ronny Cedeno join our club and continue our tradition of mediocrity in this franchise," said a spokesman for the Detroit Lions front office. "We know he'll get in there and suck less than he did in baseball, because to suck more, you'd have to be a black hole. You know, like Rickie Weeks."
Cedeno ended his press release with a threat to Chicago Cubs fans. "Don't worry. I plan to be right back at spring training next March, ready to contribute."
Once again...not true...except for the Rickie Weeks part...
Kosuke Fukudome, originally believed to know only sparse words in English was spotted yesterday in an Old Country Buffet, declaring how much he "loves that chocolate puddin'!"
A deeper background check revealed that Kosuke D. Fukudome of Tokyo does not in fact speak English and has been working in a pet store since he graduated from Japanese high school late at the age of 11. In fact, the Cubs' superstar outfielder, Kosuke Leroy Fukudome is actually an Oxford grad with degrees in business and acting, both of which served him well last spring while negotiating his four year, $48 million deal.
"Well, I guess the proverbial jig is up then, eh old boy?" said Fukudome when interviewed later. "It's a shame because I was so bloody careful during the season I thought I could relax now that my collapse was complete."
Fukudome has since fired his interpreter, revealing that he was only hired because he was a distant cousin that needed a job to support his extensive rabbit farm.
"Well I'll be darned" commented Jim Hendry. "I mean here I thought the guy didn't speak a word. I guess I'll have to fire my PI, but keep him on the payroll anyway."
Manager Lou Piniella who was recently spotted just outside Fenway park stamping his feet and cursing could not be reached for comment.
Disclaimer disclaimer disclaimer, None of this is even remotely true, disclaimer disclaimer.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Now, I ALWAYS wear a Cubs hat. Every day for as far back as I remember, but today, that seemed like a bad choice -Ya think?? Garsh..
So I actually picked up a 2005 White Sox championship hat that I'd bought back in 05. Say what you want, it was still pretty cool that a Chicago team won...I just didn't know the extent of a-hole ism I would have to put up with since, but anyway...
When in Rome right?
Wrong. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't bring myself to put it on. So I did the next best thing - grabbed a non-baseball team hat - yes I do own one or two.
When in Rome, you don't necessarily have to do what the Romans do, but you damn well better not do what the Persians do...
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Oh plus, Marmol gets in a car accident today. Minor injuries, but dude...Don't be driving at 2am. Doesn't take a genius to figure this out.
No, what to do about that pesky free agent market...
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Like the postseason roster, we'll go by category.
FA's the need to be re-signed -
Ryan Dempster - this is kinda a flyer, but THE most consistent starter wire to wire
Kerry Wood - Should be even better as a closer next year, especially if he gets a similar deal
Henry Blanco - A better backup catcher cannot be found.
FA not to be signed -
Daryle Ward - He's a pinch hitter. Forgot how to hit. You gonna hire a carpenter without a hammer? Nuff said.
Howry - Buh bye. In fact, who are you? I don't know this man. Security!
Not UNTOUCHABLE, but whoever we get better have the last name "Ramirez"
Carlos Zambrano - A headcase, yes. But too damn good to give up.
Ted Lilly - Can you argue with back to back 15 win seasons?
Rich Harden - Take the option - make him a #3 or 4 starter.
Carlos Marmol - Actaully, you'd need two guys for him, and they both better be named Ramirez
Aramis Ramirez - Clutch power-hitting #4 guy. Not great in the post season, but he's won a lot of games for the Cubs. just stop double clutching.
Geovany Soto - If you even think of his name while on the phone, you need to be shot.
Mark DeRosa - Super Utility guy who can play ANYWHERE, short of beer vendor, and play it as well as a regular. You can't pay enough for that.
If you can get a good deal, deal them -
Derrek Lee - Oh my Gawd Lee? Yes DP Lee. Got hurt in 06, numbers plummeted since. Good hitter, not a power hitter any more.
Ryan Theriot - "The Riot?" Yes The Riot. Shortstop is becoming more and more of power position - Reyes, Rollins, Tejada. This is why it has to be a good, borderline GREAT deal. But he is dealable...
Sean Marshall - Quietly becoming a solid #4 or #5 starter. Left handed. Passable out of the rotation or the Pen.
Alfonso Soriano - Nobody will want his salary, so you don't move him unless they take it. Can carry a team single handedly, but only for 7-10 days and only twice a year. That's roughly 15 games out of 162. We can live without him.
Neal Cotts - a bubble pick. Right now our only lefty out of the 'pen. If we get Fuentes, he's a great #2 lefty.
Kosuke Fukudome - See Soriano, except for the carrying a team thing.
Mike Fontenot - Second baseman of the future at this point. Keep him around for off the bench work and for when DeRosa's off saving someone else's butt.
Jeff Samardzija - Have seen too little to make the call to outright deal him, but he's got some nasty potential as either a reliever or a starter.
Ronny Cedeno - Security! Seriously why do we keep giving him a shirt?
Jason Marquis - Switching things up this year - sucked to begin and a decnt second half. If he's youre number 5, and ONLY YOUR #5, keep him.
Felix Pie - Still just a prospect. And likely that's all he'll ever be in Chicago.
Now, for Johnson and Edmonds - The two of them make a pretty darn good center fielder. I think they're both on one-year deals, so they're Free agents. Re-signing them depends entirely on your plans for center field. If you can get a Nate McLouth, then screw th two of them. If that's not in the cards, keep them. If Edmonds retires, Johnson solo will do, but then plan on getting another outfielder.
So that's my take. May be revised at some point.
"Pirates GM Neal Huntington has declared nobody is untouchable, and the Pirates are looking to upgrade a poor minor league system and major league talent base, so McLouth's name has been tossed around."
Really? Nate McClouth patrolling centerfield in Blue? A left handed power bat? Now who was it that was looknig for a left handed power bat again? Oh..that's right...the Cubs!
As much as I like the WGN-named "Law firm of Edmunds and Johnson", Edmunds is thinking about retiring, and Johnson is a good 4th outfielder, or perhaps third outfielder if this from the Tribune comes to pass:
"According to scouts, Fukudome would have no value if Hendry tried to shop him. He isn't going to go back quietly and resume his career with the Chunichi Dragons, walking away from his deal with the Cubs. That would send a terrible signal as teams around the majors become more aggressive in pursuing players from Asia. One scout interviewed Saturday suggested a course of action that could be tough to swallow.
'He has to go to the minors,' the scout said. 'He has to get rid of all those habits, pulling out on pitches, collapsing. He'll never hit the way he's hitting now, and this is a tough place to work out your problems. Always has been.'"
THe 48 million dollar man working for Ryno?? Interesting...Wonder what Mclouth would cost the Cubbies...maybe....Pie?? I can TOTALLY live with that..
I need to hesitate when answering this question. After game 1, I was angry. Just flat out, beating small animals with a crowbar angry. After game 2, and actualyl pretty much once the ball popped out of DeRosa's glove, it was more disbelief and shock. Now, it's over...how do I feel?
Apathetic. Just completely, blankly, who gives a crap, apathetic. I don't care that they lost. I don't care that they got swept or played like toddlers. I just don't care.
Damn you Cubs for making me feel this way...
"So, tell me about your father"
I'll be honest with you, I probably won't post as much during the offseason as I did for the last 3 months or so, but there's plenty to do. Just a few things I have planned for your enjoyment -
A. Off season moves/don't moves.
B. Free Agent Shopping list
C. Commentary on Trade and FA rumors
D. Following the Cubs in the off season
This one requires a bit of explanation. What I PLAN to do, and we'll see how this works out, is to do a little creative writing, Heckler-style, and "follow" our team as they get off the field and go about their off-season lives. They won't be factual, accurate, ore ven relevant, but I hope they'll be funny as hell.
I've probably got a few days of flurry left so I can comment further on this fabulous regular seasons and train wreck of a post season, but after that, if I'm you, I'd plan on throwing this blog on an RSS feed or check back every week or so.
Until April...God it's a sad life we live...
This coming from the guy who started his worst-hitting regular starter in the first tow games, then said he was out the rest of the series, then gave him two more at-bats.
As Boert and Bernstein are so fond of saying, Who you crappin'?
Where oh where was Johnson? Did he get a single AB the entire post season? I don't think so? Why? Because of righty pitchers? That's a load of BS because I knwo for a fact that Johnson faced some right handed pitchers, and gosh Lou, I think he even managed to hit the ball once or twice.
Don't lament about your offense when you put bad offense on the field and made wrong call after wrong call all week. YOU lost this too Lou, just as much as your players did.
"Dude, your entire team just died" "Yeah, but we got father than those Flubs!!! Woo HOO!"
So it's not the team, it's the fans. F$%^& the Sox. Go down in flames like a $5 whore in a firehouse, just so I don't have to listen to your obnoxious fans for the next 6 months. If they would only shut up...
Then comes the playoffs and once again the Cubs coasted. But it doesn't work like that in the postseason. You need to strike early, and continue to add on, and scratch and claw your way to victory. Most of the Cubs seemed to think the World Series would just happen to them. And that is where they failed.
Or they just choked it like a hooker holding back some cash from "daddy". THat's possbile too. Maybe they couldn't stand up to the pressure. Maybe they got crushed under 100 years of hopelessness. Maybe they weren't expecting the Dodgers to put up much of a fight. They're from the NL West for crying out loud. The only reason they were there was because SOMEBODY had to come from there. Whatever.
It was a failure of monumental proportions. And it was unacceptable. This was a team that jogged through 25 miles and 5270 feet and tripped on their shoelaces at the finish line.
Whatever you want to call it, it was the grand poobah of suckiness and failure.
And Rickie Weeks is still playing in the postseason.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
Rumor has it, he almost got that out with a straight face...
Actually, I remember someone saying the exact same thing last year. I'm still looking for it. I'll post it when I find it. and I WILL find it...
Thursday, October 2, 2008
But you and your boys are just kicking back and waiting it to fall in your laps like some slave girl on the Riviera.
Was Seattle happy about going 1 and done in 2000 after 116 wins? I doubt it. You gave us a nice summer. Good job. But that was just foreplay.
Don't put on a condom if you're not going to F$%^.
I swear on my World Series Ringless finger, I will be the first person ever to be kicked out of the Cubs Convention...
Of course the Cubs couldn't hit the ball off a freakin' tee right now. So regardless of what Z does this game is looking more and more over. And therefore the series.
So how many detractors do I have now? How much does that piddly little no hitter mean now? Exactly donkey d#$%. That's how much. 97 wins means S$%^ if you get nothing to show for it. Oh...well, you get to put a flag on the building. So I guess we'll just be happy with that huh Lou?
F^&* that. Like a girlfriend who keps kicking you in the balls, just after she gets off her knees.
Well, you got the number 2 part right anyway.
Here's a crazy thought - how about we put the same lineup that won 97 games out there? Crazy I know. Stop pissing away games so you can catch the early flight back to warmer climes.
Soriano - 'Last October is last October,' - Umm actually dipsh^&, it's just October, and right now they're looking pretty freakin' similar...
Derek Lee - "It's just a loss. We're not even thinking about last year." - It's a BIG loss at home with your most reliable starter on the mound. START thinking about it.
And now my favorite -
Piniella - "It's only Game 1" - Have you gone completely insane. Do you not realize that there are only _5_ games int this series? Are you too busy thinking about your freakin' golf swing to focus on maybe the Marshall/Ramirez matchup was not the best option? How about, oh I don't know, maybe a RIGHT hander??
Ok Mr. "It's only Game 1". How about I cut off a finger for every game you lose from here on out. "Hay Lou, It's only 1 finger." Get serious. The only thing we've learned thus far is you SUCK in the postseason like the rest of the team. Stop looking at game 4 when you're in game 1. Any bullpen pitcher should be able to pitch back-to back days. Since TBS has taken the liberty to throw in an off day every TWO games, you can use Marmol, and Wood even if you're down to make sure you don't go down any farther.
This is a SHORT series, much like the fuses on Cubs fans while you're dicking around trying to save a pitcher for a game that WON'T happen.
Now get your sh$%^ together and win a fu#$%&^* ballgame.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
You just can't walk seven guys...you can't...it's one step above a forfeit...funny thing is - Dempster almost got out of it...and once, I almost had a threesome...only differenece is, mine doesn't go in a record book....I can still lie to my grandkids...