Ronny Cedeno to become bad at two sports.
In a press released issued by Ronny Cedeno which was written on a cocktail napkin and stuck to our front door with bubble gum, the backup shortstop announced he was signing a contract with the Detroit Lions as a punt returner. "Just like the great Bo Jackson, I plan to become a two-sport athlete. I figure I'm bad enough at one, so maybe if I suck at two sports, no one will notice the other one too much. My therapist calls it 'deflection'."
Cedeno's thereapist could not be reached for comment.
Cedeno, who has been the subject of trade rumors fueled by the desire to just get Cedeno the heck out of town, has excelled at waiting on the bench to be called. It's after that calling that he needs to work on.
"We're confident in Ronny's ability to sit on the bench and watch each and every game until a blow out, and then get on that field and try not to make too much of an ass of himself," commented Jim Hendry. "I think the Lions will be a good fit for him."
"We're happy to have Ronny Cedeno join our club and continue our tradition of mediocrity in this franchise," said a spokesman for the Detroit Lions front office. "We know he'll get in there and suck less than he did in baseball, because to suck more, you'd have to be a black hole. You know, like Rickie Weeks."
Cedeno ended his press release with a threat to Chicago Cubs fans. "Don't worry. I plan to be right back at spring training next March, ready to contribute."
Once again...not true...except for the Rickie Weeks part...