That's as good as it gets...According to Jim...and Lou
Jim Edmonds announced his inclination to retire today at a press conference attended by this reporter, Edmonds' dog, and several hundred cheering Cardinals fans. "While I have not made a final decision, it would seem that this year with the Cubs has been the pinnacle of my career. Yes, I do have a couple of World Series rings, and I'm building a third fireplace mantle to house all of my Gold Gloves, but since Lou [Piniella] said the team had a great year, and just because we didn't win a game in the playoffs [again], it doesn't mean this year wasn't a very successful year."
I mean Lou Piniella has been in this game for a long time, since I was in high school as a matter of fact, so if he says it was great, then who am I to judge. I must conclude that this was as good as it will get, and go out on top."
Edmonds, who has been classified by several scouts as "older than dirt" and "still owes Jesus six bucks" and "can't even keep up with a Greg Maddux fastball" seemed to be in a decline at the beginning of the year. He found himself playing center field at Petco Park where it would take a jet pack, and several 8 balls of cocaine to successfully defend. However, after being released, he was picked up by the Cubs in what could be characterized as the shrewdest no-brainer move of Jim Hendry's career.
"Well, not just anybody could've committed the financial resources to take a flyer on Jimmy, but I figured it was worth a limo and a pack of chewing gum," commented Jim Hendry who will pay a portion of Jim Edmonds' next contract should he decide to continue his play elsewhere - not because he has to, just because that's just what Hendry does. "It's true," Hendry admitted with a shrug.
If Edmonds decides to retire, it would cap a long and distinguished career on a super high note, according to Manager Lou Piniella. "Well, uh...Jim...let me tell you about Jim...He's ahhhh, a good ball player, and I prefer red licorice. Yeah."