Following the team during the offseason Part I

Kosuke Fukudome speaks....English!

Kosuke Fukudome, originally believed to know only sparse words in English was spotted yesterday in an Old Country Buffet, declaring how much he "loves that chocolate puddin'!"

A deeper background check revealed that Kosuke D. Fukudome of Tokyo does not in fact speak English and has been working in a pet store since he graduated from Japanese high school late at the age of 11. In fact, the Cubs' superstar outfielder, Kosuke Leroy Fukudome is actually an Oxford grad with degrees in business and acting, both of which served him well last spring while negotiating his four year, $48 million deal.

"Well, I guess the proverbial jig is up then, eh old boy?" said Fukudome when interviewed later. "It's a shame because I was so bloody careful during the season I thought I could relax now that my collapse was complete."

Fukudome has since fired his interpreter, revealing that he was only hired because he was a distant cousin that needed a job to support his extensive rabbit farm.

"Well I'll be darned" commented Jim Hendry. "I mean here I thought the guy didn't speak a word. I guess I'll have to fire my PI, but keep him on the payroll anyway."

Manager Lou Piniella who was recently spotted just outside Fenway park stamping his feet and cursing could not be reached for comment.

Disclaimer disclaimer disclaimer, None of this is even remotely true, disclaimer disclaimer.