Friday, June 26, 2009

Home field advantage should be an advantage...

Some background From Red Line Rundown

This just in - Ozzie hates Wrigley

Yes yes Ozzie, go ahead and bash the Crumbling Confines once again - better that than talk about how abysmal your team is.

Could someone please show me the passage in the MLB rulebook that says it's the home team's job to make the visiting team comfortable? Because it seems like it's gotta be in there somewhere with all the complaining going on. If I were the Cubs, I'd make the visiting clubhouse smaller, and make one leg on every chair about 1/4" shorter than the rest.

It's called Home field advantage for a reason. You're not supposed to look forward to going there. Tell ya what - here's what we'll do.

We'll excavate behind the visitor's dugout and put the clubhouse there. Then, we'll install moving sidewalks from the clubhouse to the parking lot - so you don't have to walk. Then, we'll load you up with plushy vibrating massage chairs - two per player in case you want to sit more than once - each with it's own fridge microwave and flat screen TV. Then we'll block out half of the tickets in the stands for IP addresses located on the South side (online sales), area codes starting with 708 (phone sales), and people at the box office wearing Sox hats.

Will THAT make you happy Ozzie? You're going to the other team - it's our job to make you uncomfortable. Get over it.

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