As I tweeted earlier in the year, this is shaping up to be one of the what-the-fuckiest off-seasons I can remember. So, with the closing of this year, and happy birthday to me, I wanted to reflect on what we've seen thus far.
White Sox sign Adam Dunn - WTF?? Having already passed on Jim Thome last year because they wanted more speed, the White Sox finally realized what a colossal clustershpeep that was and attempted to make up for it by signing the beta version of Thome, a.k.a. Adam "Big Dumb animal" Dunn. Don't get me wrong. Dunn will have a monster season or three in the Cell, and he'll make a lot of folks wonder why people even remember the name "Thome", but it is a complete 180 from the 180 the White Sox pulled last year. If I were a White Sox fan, I'd be pretty confused right now. But then I'd also be fucking my cousin, so I guess win-win.
Cardinals sign Lance Berkman. WTF? Don't they already have a first baseman? Well, yeah. They kinda do. But Lance wasn't signed to be a first baseman. WTF? Yes. He was signed to be a left fielder. He couldn't stay healthy as a statue at first base, so let's have him run around and throw farther than 40 feet. WTF? Don't they already have a left fielder? You bet your bippy they do. You might remember him. Soriano money got what-we-wish-Soriano-still-had power? Soriano defense too. They're moving him to right. No shit.
Jayson Werth signs with Nationals for 7 years and 62 bajillion dollars - Government spending at its best. At least when Soriano signed, the Cubs had a shot. At least when Holliday signed, the Cardinals had a shot. All the Gnats have is Mark Prior junior and a prospect who can hit the hell out of high school pitching. When even Congress calls your deal a "waste of money" you know you fucked up. I can't imagine another team anywhere in the world looking at that contract and telling themselves "Yeah, that's about right." But the fact that a useless team is now saddled with an immovable albatross of a contract, well hey. Cubs fans can sympathize. Good fukken luck, to both the Gnats and apparently-not-Werthless. You deserve each other.
Hey, OMC - this is a CUBS blog right? Oh yes. I have not forgotten....
The Cubs sign Carlos Pena for tenfuckingmilliondollars - don't get me wrong. I can't deny the drawing power a .196 hitter commands, but this is a farce. I'm still waiting for the cameras to pop out. 10 million dollars? Look, I'm not saying Pena won't be decent, but at least we could pay The Hoff the league minimum and get, what 10 less home runs? 5th place instead of 4th? Why are the Cubs wasting 10 million dollars on a lost season? Keep your heads down. Weather the storm for one more year of big money-small results players and reset when the payroll resets.
Or add another Carlos. What the hell?