Thursday, March 12, 2009

2009 Roster

On twitter, I've been doing one roster member per day as a countdown to Spring training. I'll compile them all into here:

Roster #1- Carlos Zambrano - Being this crazy never looked this good. Scary when he's on. Scarrier when he's off.
Roster #2 - Aramis Ramirez - Mr. Clutch in the regular season needs a freakin' tennis racket in the post season.
Roster #3 - Carlos Marmol - Can't close against the Dutch, but I'm sure he'll do fine against the Cardinals and Brewers
Roster #4 - Ryan Dempster - #3 starter had a #1 year, due mostly to the fact that he twists his hand unnaturally and he's Canadian.
Roster #5 - Ted Lilly - Was supposed to not suck. Was supposed to eat innings. Then he goes and wins 34 games over two years. How dare he?
Roster #6 - Mike Fontenot - Your 2009 starting 2nd baseman. He's mini-me with a mega-bat.
Roster #7 - Reed Johnson - Platooning once again. Don't bunt to Longoria again - ever - and we'll be ok...
Roster #8 - Alfonso Soriano - He's going to lead off. Get over it. He can't hit a beachball if he doesn't. Theriot can lead off after him.
Roster #9 - Milton Bradley - More than 20 games in RF would be nice. Remember there's no wussy DH over here...
Roster #10 - Derrek Lee - He's a solid leader, both in the clubhouse and in double plays. No longer a #3 hitter - more like 5 or 6.
Roster #11 - Micah Hoffpauir - The Hoff. That's right. The Hoff. Got a problem with that?
Roster #12 - Kevin Gregg - Your new Kerry Wood, only not. Your new closer, only not. Your dominant setup guy, only not... Who is this guy??
Roster #13 - Rich Harden - Devestating stuff. The best pitcher in baseball - 20 pitches at a time.
Roster #14 - Kosuke Fukudome - probably won't suck as bad as he did last year...As Tom Seleck said "It's not a srump!"
Roster #15 - Neal Cotts - At this point the only lefty option out of the bullpen. Which is exactly the only reason he has a job...
Roster #16 - Geovany Soto - His dad gave him a catcher's mask when he was 3 and said "Shut up and wear it". Go dad....
Roster #17 - Aaron Miles - He's like a bargain basement Mark DeRosa wannabe who costs half the price - you get what you pay for...
Roster #18 - Ryan Theriot - The Riot! On-Base fiend. Thinks he's a lot faster than he actually is. If he can up the steal rate....scary...
Roster #19 - Koyie Hill - Gets his hand cut off and still catches 95 mph heaters. Frickin' hard core baby...Frickin' hard core...
Roster #20 - Joey Gathright - The new Felix Pie. Will come in handy if we need to steal a base or, you know, jump over a BMW...
Roster #21 - Sean Marshall - Should be the primary lefty bullpen option, but then Peavy should be wearing blue pinstripes...Cest La Vie
Roster #22 - Luis Vizcaino - You better not suck as bad as I think you're gonig to.
Roster #23 - Aaron Heilman - Traded twice during the offseason. So good, 2 teams wanted him.Wait.That also means 2 teams didn't want him.
Roster #24 - Angel Guzman - Keeping things warm for Samardzija or Hart until Piniella realizes just had bad this guy is..
Roster #25 - David Patton - Never pitched above A-ball? You'll fit right in. Welcome to the Cubs.

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