Baaaa...Yeah I'm freakin' tired. Couldn't sleep last night. That may skew my results and if it does, 75% of these were slated to be wrong anyway, so fahrfugnugen.
The Cubs will be an annoyingly average team this year and pound out 86 wins which will not do the job in the NL Central. The Cubs will finish 2nd in the division and 5th in the Wild Card and 12 in Miss Congeniality.
Derrek Lee will get off to his typically slow start and there will be calls for Kevin Millar to replace him except Millar will already have signed with the White Sox beacuse, well, f*ck the Cubs. Teases...
Aramis will spend approximately 36 days on the DL after his shoulder grabs a random lamp he's passing by and smacks him in the shins with it. The shoulder will receive probation and community service.
The "New" Z will spend 6 1/2 - no, not days - innings with his new persona until Soriano commits his first error of the season at around 5:00 CST in Atlanta, and then go completely Bat-Sh*t crazy for the rest of the season. He will win 26 games and come in second for Cy Young voting to Mark Grace who will pitch one perfect inning of relief during a 21 - 3 loss in a Father-Son game.
On a related note, Zambrano will also start a twitter account, @crazierthanOzzie and will pull a hamstring while tweeting about Wonder Years reruns.
Marlon Byrd will be driven out of town - by a chauffeur - whenever he flies. But that really won't make news so forget I mentioned it.